The need to control everything but yourself and your behavior is overrated. Why frustrate yourself trying?You are better off accepting what is and working with what is actually yours - time.
“Nothing, to my way of thinking, is better proof of a well ordered mind than a [person’s] ability to stop just where [they are] and pass some time in [their] own company.” - Seneca, Letter IIThe hardest lesson I have learned in the last 10 years is that - to learn how to be my own friend. To be comfortable not just in my skin but in other aspects about me: how I think, decisions I made, where I might go, what I can do, or what I can’t. Self love often takes the form of day spas, shopping therapy, meditation, and walks… but self-love is so much more. It is, as Seneca rightly says, your ability to stop and be content just being with you.
Do you stop enough to ask yourself: What is the smallest step I can take now so that I progress towards my goal? Many of our lives are governed by lists of all types: groceries, errands, honey-do’s, job-related, tax-related, business-related, chores, clothing-relate - you name it. And more often than not I see those lists overwhelm people. What if we stopped having lists? What if we started having the One Thing list. The one thing that I must accomplish today that will make my life better? The one thing that I must do today to make the lives of others better?Indeed, the smallest step towards progress is better than what Churchill coined, “analysis paralysis.”
General truthsYou likely want and try to perform at your best. Others are like you - trying to do their best.You would like to be aware when your performance is less than optimal.Kindness is love.If you want to be loved, love.If you want to build trusting relationships, be kind and help people perform at their best.
What sounds better?I care about you getting what you need to be happy; this job won’t help you get there in this way _____. I’m happy to help you get to where you are going. Would that help?Or…Thanks so much for chatting! It was great talking to you. I’ll get back to you soon. [Recruiter sends you an email a week later declining the job without explanation]Nice is avoiding the direct conflict and opting for an email.Kindness is having the courage to speak the truth and the compassion to help someone move forward.Kindness trumps niceness.
“To win true freedom you must be a slave to philosophy.” - Seneca, Letter to Lucilius VIIIUnderstand that during Seneca’s time, philosophy meant “a way to live.” It did not mean sitting under a tree while pondering life… it meant “doing life;” and for Seneca that meant “doing life in line with his virtues.”To truly feel freedom, we must be commit ourselves to our virtues. Well, what’s a virtue?The Stoics talk about the four virtues of wisdom, justice, temperance, and courage, but I suggest they could come from religion or any source you go to for moral guidance. To truly feel freedom we must commit ourselves to living according to our moral compass. For me, that means living life in a way that allows me to do something for someone else that matters. My goal is not to let the outside world keep me from living in such a way, and so long as I keep that top of mind, I feel free.What do you value?
“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”Life requires action, but action requires energy, and energy is born from rest.Rest leads to boredom, and boredom is the friction required to act.That’s why inaction is as powerful action.
When the crucible moments are shared, a bond nearly impossible to break is created.Last night, an outdoor gig turned sideways when a severe thunderstorm came through. The audience could have left, but they stayed. We busted out some acoustic instruments and did our best to entertain without power. Then, the bar owner invited us all in. I was touched seeing audience members coming up to us and asking to help move our equipment indoors. These paying customers did not have to do that - but they decided to do that. They decided to because at that moment, we were all shared something in common.When we started back up there I, and the others in the band, experienced an intoxicating and palpable energy in the room. The kind of energy reserved for people who do something bigger than themselves for the benefit of others.A spirit that said, “this night is special, it’s for us, and we’re going to remember it for a while.”A shared crucible brings people together.
Your workspace should feel beautiful to you. And what’s beautiful?Beautiful could be messy, clean, creative, natural, disorganized, etc. Beautiful is whatever is needed for you to feel comfortable enough to make something worth something.I have been slowly learning this lesson.
“I knew I might fail; but I made up my mind that if I did fail it should at least not be because of adopting the attitude of fearing to try anything.” - Theodore RooseveltI have a gig today, and soloing is not my strong suit. But I know, that if I try and push my voice out there what I play might just resonate with someone somewhere in the audience. Today, I am most grateful for the people in my life who have given me the runway to try and fail (and sometimes succeed).