Before reading on… first think of all the things that are keeping you up at night. Go on.All of them.Now… imagine that you die immediately after reading this post. After you have left us, will those things still be as important as you are making them out now? Will they eventually get worked out?

“It’s not really about me, it’s about who I am a part of.” - Dad

Dad is aging - he’s got Alzheimer’s and he’s degrading - that’s what sometimes happens. And it’s okay. He won’t be the last person to have it, and he’s not the first. And if you live with somebody who has Alzheimer’s, you’ll notice they have these moments of total clarity and profoundness. I had that moment the other day.

I am terrible at coloring in the lines. “But David, " you say, “that’s a skill you learn in kindergarten.” So is “following directions” and I still don’t do that well.This post is not about following directions, or why I still haven’t learned kindergarten lessons. It’s about fear… and coloring books.My mother is a problem-solver, and this post is not a knock on her. It’s about me. A few days ago, I got sick. My mother - because she’s the best mom in the world - called me to check in. When I woke up from nap 7 (of seemingly 20) I noticed she called and called her back.My mother is a problem-solver.“Well, did you get a booster? You know Walgreens does free delivery? Are you going to the place your sister told you about?“Those questions come from the most loving of places. But at that time, all I wanted was to talk with my mom. I didn’t have a problem to solve, it was being solved. But… the call made me anxious.So, how does this connect with the coloring book?I didn’t create a border for my mom to color in.Instead, I thought of questions like: why was I responding this way to someone who loves me so much? Why is this getting to me? Why am I stressing out about this call? What am I so afraid of?My therapist, shout out to Dr. Mike, had one time told me that emotions are chemical reactions, and his words were coming into the foreground of my thoughts as I was trying to understand why my mom’s call bothered me.I realized that the reaction was a stress reaction. Biologically, my brain perceived a threat, sent cortisol piping through my veins, created a bit of inflammation, and prepared me to run away from the tiger. Wow!And this was all because I - I - failed to set an expectation for my mom that all I wanted from her was a “hey, how are you? I loved your last blog post. Okay… now drink plenty of fluids and call me tomorrow.” And as a result of failing to set an expectation - to create the border for my mom to color in - I didn’t set up my mom (or I for that matter) for success. Instead, she was coloring blind.Don’t color blind, know where the borders are.Fear is a feeling from needing to feel the safety of expectation, but expectation is not there.If I would have drew an outline of what I was hoping for when my mom started to problem-solve, I would have given my mom the instruction book she needed to be the best and most effective she could be. She colored blind - she didn’t know where the borders were.Do you know where the borders are?Part of leveraging fear (and I use that term broadly) is defining it - to “trace it’s outline” as Marcus Aurelius would write. And, when you trace an outline of the thing that keeps you up at night, a mild annoyance, a careless neighbor, or yourself (as was the case) you enable yourself (and others) to come alive and be their most effective selves.Thanks for bearing with me today - I know it was a longer post.

I believe, based purely on my observations, that a challenge for a people manager is helping their team define their fear. What do I mean?Individual Contributors are trying to do the work that’s asked of them and achieve a result in a way that causes them little-to-no-stress and (hopefully) helps them earn their bonus. Also, they likely care deeply for their work and their outcomes. But they’re also scared.They’re scared of giving you “real” feedback. They’re scared of telling you what’s really up with their book of business. They are scared of telling you that they’re not happy in their work and are looking for another job. What are they scared of?We don’t know. That’s the problem.I recently advised a family member that they should tell their employer that they starting a job search. “But, David, what if Sally Sue doesn’t find a job and now she’s stuck at her current job?“Here’s another example…I had an Individual Contributor tell me that they intended to start a job search. As a person, job searches excite me because I enjoy helping people with them. (As a manager at a company, I realize that it’s not the best thing for the company.) I said to the person, “that’s exciting! What are you looking to get to do more of in your new role that you are not doing here?” It was clear that the person was shocked with the response, they didn’t know what to expect.And that’s the learning!Fear is a feeling from needing to feel the safety of expectation, but expectation is not there.If you are leading a team, realize that your Individual Contributors want to know what to expect - not just from the job, but from you as a person. Be upfront. Show them that you are who you say you are, and let them know it’s safe for them to be themselves with you. Hey, you might just develop a healthy friendship out of it!If you are not a leader and wondering what to do with this post… realize that you have fears because you need the safety of an expectation. During times when safety doesn’t feel right around the corner, it’s easy to give into fear. Instead of giving in, leverage it. That’s tomorrow’s post.

Seafarers are people who work aboard seagoing vessels. I worked aboard cruise ships for many years as a musician. What was it like?

I would leave home, flying to a city such as Miami or Seattle to meet the ship. I would board, and remain on board for 7-10 months. During that time, we would leave our home port - the port we pick up and return passengers to every 7-21 days - and set sail for a voyage. I must have sailed thousands of voyages all over the world. Here’s the thing with voyages: all voyages have a start, a middle, and an end.

The best musicians are the ones who were, at one point in their career, comfortable being bad. Everybody starts somewhere - at the beginning. Thinking about the best musicians, how might we take a lesson from their book and become the best we can be?We discipline our mind.We develop an intentional and daily practice of doing something - practicing your scales, taking a walk, saying “no” to dessert, taking a breath before we react, pausing to think before we judge, etc. Like working out, routinely exercise the muscles and they’ll grow.How to discipline the mind?Develop and maintain a daily routine of some kind: morning, work startup, before bed, dinner, whatever.Exercise your mind - daily. Read a book, listen to music, take up an artistic hobby, learn how to identify bird calls - literally any thing to exercise your mind.Decide how you want to improve. Is it your ability to think through challenges? Decision making? Leadership? Marketing?Identify what 3 next steps you’ll need to take to get better. Perhaps it’s reading a book? Setting and keeping a release date? Survey your customers?Do the thing - ship your work. Be okay with yourself if it sucks… you have to start somewhere!Learn and improve - wash, rinse, and repeat.The goal is not to get good at a hobby or become a master at making your bed, the outcome we’re after is an agile, resilient, and creative mind that’s ready to ship work, look bad, learn, and get better.Learning a hard skill is easy. It’s the real skills of resiliency and vulnerability that take work.

“Don’t underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”—Christopher Robbin

I’ll be taking a few days off to enjoy nothing with the hopes it leads me to something.

I’ll see you soon… likely January 1, 2022.

Take some time to do nothing ;-)

I sat in a meeting the other day.My problem is that I want to be executing work. I don’t want to sit around too long and talk… I want to get out on the stage, and just go for it. Thoughtfully… but also, just go for it.In this meeting that I attended, there was a lot of talk, lots of updates, lots of me needing to listen and be present. That’s hard for me.It’s hard for me to sit steady and just listen. But… I remembered something that helped me focus, and maybe it would help you. Here’s what I said to myself:What’s happening to me, right now, is not hurting me or changing who I am. Because of that, it’s neither good, nor is it bad. Because of that, you can tolerate it.A useful reminder for any occasion.

“Results… are not random products of chance observations. They are the fruit of years of wise reflection, objective thinking, and thoughtful experimentation.” - Oswald Avery.Oswald Avery played a major role in trying to understand what was killing people in 1918. Later, in the 30s, we would come to know it was an influenza virus. But back in 1918, they thought it was a bacteria. This post is not about Corona Virus. The post is about how you approach doing your work.I have led and managed people that were results-oriented. They wanted to see themselves with new titles, more money, more stature, and more responsibility. They chased, for better or worse, the result.The problem is, chasing the results doesn’t lead to results. Then what does?Thoughtfulness. Why is what you’re trying to do matter? Who does it matter to? What is it for? Why is it needed? What change am I trying to make?Objective Thinking. How will I know it worked? How will I know it had the intended impact? Did it work? What could I have done better? How might I improve?Experimentation. What if I try this? What if we combined A with B, would that work? It looks like when I do this, A happens… well how about trying this instead? Thinking outside the box.I could not agree with Oswald any more than I already do - I’m 100% behind this cat.Doing the work matters, and that work out to be thoughtful, objective thought out, and leverage your creative abilities.Do that work to see results that matter.

“What am I doing here? What am I put on this earth to do?”

Right now, as I sit here, it’s to share an insight I’ve gathered from my life so that you might leverage that insight to do something that matters. As I write to you, I am fulfilling my purpose to exist.

What if our life’s purpose was that simple and that “in the moment”?

As you sit here, now, reading these words, what are you hoping to walk away with?