Do you need to do something for someone else because they were so nice to you in the past that you would feel bad if you didn’t help that person out? And, does that feeling of debt cause you to bend-over-backward for that person? And, how many times is it all usually at your expense?The culture of social debt doesn’t make sense to me. If I do something nice for you without asking for something in return, why should you feel you owe me in the future? Because I was nice? Because it’s the right thing to do? Running around for people who we “owe” is not for them - we do it for us. We do it to rid ourselves of the uncomfortable feeling of guilt. We do it because we don’t believe we deserve better. Stop it. Unless you have an agreement with someone in which one acts leads to an in-kind act, you don’t owe people for being nice to you. Those people chose to be nice to you, and you chose to receive their kindness - process complete. If you are going to return the favor, be mindful of who it is for. It’s not for you, your guilt, or your sense of what people like you “should” do. It is for them. Because you can do something worth something for someone else because that’s what people like you do. And when you do that, you will feel fulfilled.Dedicated to all of the minds fraught with guilt, and a sense of “should.”

Pour coffee into a cup with milk and stir to combine with your non-dominant hand. If you have never done this before, observe how it feels. Now do this every day for two weeks - don’t miss a day. Watch how it feels to learn to use your body in a new way. Now wash, rinse, and repeat with another skill you want to master.

You likely have leftovers in your refrigerator after hosting a party. For some, that might be the best part. Why?Because you get to create! Today I may attempt making a sourdough pizza with breast and stuff. I’ll drizzle gravy over the top and on the crust, fermented honey. I’ll then bake it on a pizza stone. Could it taste awful? Absolutely! But it might also taste amazing. You get to be creative and innovative when you use what you have at your disposal. There’s no trick to it. Just examine the bits and pieces and find ways to combine them. If you do enough mixing and matching, you’ll develop a skill for it. Sometimes people think that they’re just not the creative type, but what actually is, they’ve not practiced making mistakes enough. Try sourdough turkey pizza. If it fails, you just got a bit better at being creative. That’s a win.

If you visit the doctor because you don’t feel well, and the doctor tells you to take a few Tylenol and be on your way, what was the visit for?Was it for medical advice? Or authoritative reassurance that you are, “okay?“When your friends call you to check-in, are they calling because they are “checking in?” Or is it for the feeling of being connected with someone they care about? The call is not for you - it’s for them.And when the family comes over for Thanksgiving, are all of the preparations and stress for you? Or is it for the expectation they have for how you think they would think Thanksgiving should go? When you think about what things are actually for, you learn how to navigate. Thanksgiving, for me, is not for helping my family to retell themselves the story of how Thanksgiving should go. It is for me to show gratitude by thoughtfully cooking and baking food that I believe will nourish and promote their vitality. If you do or don’t celebrate the US Thanksgiving holiday, I want you to know that this blog today is for you. It is meant to prompt you to be intentional with work and encourage you to be intentional with life. Living life with intention is something we can all be thankful for.

Overthinking, overanalyzing, over-discussing, or over-pursuit of any kind will eventually degrade the work you’re trying to do. It will tax resources, create harmful disagreement, and prevent progress. The best way to avoid thrashing is to have an objective in mind. What are we trying to do? And for whom? Why do they care about what we’re trying to do? Thinking about artists for a second - we don’t really stop to think of these questions. Who is it for? It’s for everyone that loves music. Is that really who it is for? Or is it for us? To record something that makes us happy and proud. So we thrash. We overthink, we stress, and we try to record some music. Just nobody knows about it. Or if they do, it’s by happenstance. I suggest “productive thrash.” Productively asking questions that enable us to home in and identify our objective and our subject. Because doing that allows you to better create something worth something for someone else.

Talking it out: a ritual for getting stress off your chest, out of your mind, and into the universe. It might only be one-upped by writing things down. If you find yourself with a mind in suspense, brooding over the future, and thrashing about the past, find someone to talk it out with. Because getting it out is a much more productive way to deal with what ails us than punishing ourselves from within.

My need to be free is not being met. Within a corner of a room, only a partial window to look out, and only a small space to call my own. It’s challenging to get outside and not neglect other duties. Or is it? That feeling tells me, “No. Don’t go outside. Do your work.” What is it protecting me from? If I had to read into it, it’s protecting me from being more effective. Because if I’m more effective at my work, I’ll be on the hook. And if I’m on the hook, others will have an expectation that I may not be able to deliver on. Oddly, that feeling protects me from the feeling that I need most - freedom.What is your fear protecting you from? And, how much more effective would you be if you just faced your fear and took a step?

Consider your calendar for the next 60 days. What can you stop doing? And if you stopped doing it, could you avoid filling up the extra time with more things to do? We have a desire to feel busy. To feel like we’re always doing something, on the run, and productive. But what is that feeling of false productivity for? You could be giving yourself more time to exist in space, without anyone tugging at your shirt, and only accountable to yourself. But doing that requires you to be generous with yourself. That’s scary for many of us.

When you’re picked for a team, someone had a reason for choosing you. Because you offered something of value that was needed. And if you accept the chooser’s invitation, you have enrolled in their story.But the possibility exists that once you are chosen, you may feel you don’t deserve what was given to you. Maybe you are not good enough? Perhaps it’s too much to catch up? You might not make it. When you get to that point, remember that someone chose you for a reason. To share the journey with you. Do what makes you come alive and find your home.

In any effort to learn a new skill, job, craft, there are things that you can hear, touch, and interact with. Then there are the things you can’t. If you want to learn something, acknowledge what’s in your field of view. Then, start digging for the things you can’t see - culture, context, backstory, the story of “how we got here.” Because if you can’t understand “why” we do things the way we do, you won’t know how to make it better.