If you’re doing work that matters for people who care, then growth in the form of getting to do it again the next day - but better. But I don’t think that’s the question you’re trying to answer.Perhaps you’re thinking, how do you elevate your status in consideration for the work you’ve done? And that could be money, title, or how you think others perceive you. And if that’s the case, what will you do once you have status? Status signals to others that they should perceive you as valuable. That you have achieved something significant. That you are to be respected. Consider that earning a master’s degree signals others to perceive you as more of an expert in your field. Having a title of “Manager” lets others know that you’re someone to listen to. Buying the biggest house on the block signals to others you have disposable resources. But these signals only are the cover - they don’t show the substance. Real influence comes from earning trust, respect, and a story. A story that others will tell themselves about the work you do and why it matters to them. That can only happen if you serve the others. Back to the original question - how can I do all of this work and not see growth? Perhaps you’re looking for the red herring of status and not embracing the beauty of bettering the lives of those you seek to serve. Imagine if we measured our lives not by our titles or our degrees but by the number of people who asked us to do the generous work of serving their needs. I see nothing but growth and possibility.

Are you in the right race?Create sustainable fulfillment by being in the right race. Get out of the ones that don’t enable you to do more of what makes you come alive - they’re not for you. And you’ll know which one is which by the journey.One journey includes setbacks, self-reflection, generosity, frustration, delight, deep joy, questioning, and a resilient pursuit of something more. The other endeavor offers jealousy, resentment, the quest for status or wealth, and the feeling that you “deserve” something from someone. If the latter sounds like you, it might be time to start looking elsewhere. You’re in an opportunity that won’t offer you sustainable fulfillment - you won’t be happy in the long run. But if you’re in the former - stick with it! When you’re doing what makes you come alive, there is not a finish line. The goal is to keep doing more of it. And when you’re gone, others will pick up the torch and carry your work onward for you. Will there be stops along the way? Absolutely - then you can make what you’re doing better. Because making things better, doing more of the thing you need to do, and doing it generously for others is how we improve and create culture. That’s infinite work. The goal is to stay in the game, do it again, and do it better. How can you stay motivated to keep going?

When you thought you had considered everything, did you? Now that you crossed the street, does the grass on the other side seem greener?Were people honest with you about what you would be doing? Do you feel misled?Did you make the right decision? Decisions are for creating agency. They exist to allow you to do the work you need to do for those you serve. To make the “right” decision is actually to make a “better decision.” Better decisions give you more agency - more freedom. The way to do it better is to do it more - decide more. And when you decide more, take time to reflect. What went into your decision - was there more information to consider? Did the decision impact the trajectory of your life? How did your decision change the lives of those you serve? Stop thinking right or wrong - Start thinking better.Find out more about decisions here.

The essence, the “what is it for?” question, the fundamental purpose will set you free. Starting a new job? There’s a lot to do right away. Instead of trying to “drink from the fire hose,” why not ask - “what is this for?“If the response, “it’s for your onboarding,” your next question should be, “right, what is the onboarding for?“Being brought in on a creative project? “Who is this project for?” If the response, “it’s for getting together and practicing some tunes,” then you respond, “yes, and will learning these tunes help us understand who this work is for?“If your parent asks you to sit nicely at the table and finish your food, “what is this food is for?” “If I sit nicely and finish all of the food, though I am not hungry, will I have a better understanding of what this food is for?” The essence helps you identify the purpose of what you’re doing in the simplest form. And with that identification, you can become more effective.Don’t be afraid to seek the essence first.

Do you want to be authentic with others? If you do, what keeps you from saying everything that enters your mind? And, would you want to know everything that’s on someone else’s? Perhaps what we need is to feel seen. To feel like someone else gets that we have a story - beautiful and complicated like theirs - and that we have a problem worth solving for. Perhaps what we need is to see others. To realize that others have a story - beautiful and complicated like our own - and that we might be able to - if we stop and listen - do something worth something for them. Authenticity is a red herring. What we’re looking for is acknowledgment, acceptance, and action.P.S. I like this cover image because the image offers a simple message that’s universal - understand that we will never understand others, but we can accept that and be with them. That’s empathy.

I’m stopping my church gig - for now. I may not have many gigs to play - for a while.

Others are not hiring me to play for their social events - until it is safe for them.

Quitting is not quitting when we stop. Stopping is simply the opposite of “starting.”

When we are ready, we can go from “stop” to “start again.”

You get to choose.

Do you need to do something for someone else because they were so nice to you in the past that you would feel bad if you didn’t help that person out? And, does that feeling of debt cause you to bend-over-backward for that person? And, how many times is it all usually at your expense?The culture of social debt doesn’t make sense to me. If I do something nice for you without asking for something in return, why should you feel you owe me in the future? Because I was nice? Because it’s the right thing to do? Running around for people who we “owe” is not for them - we do it for us. We do it to rid ourselves of the uncomfortable feeling of guilt. We do it because we don’t believe we deserve better. Stop it. Unless you have an agreement with someone in which one acts leads to an in-kind act, you don’t owe people for being nice to you. Those people chose to be nice to you, and you chose to receive their kindness - process complete. If you are going to return the favor, be mindful of who it is for. It’s not for you, your guilt, or your sense of what people like you “should” do. It is for them. Because you can do something worth something for someone else because that’s what people like you do. And when you do that, you will feel fulfilled.Dedicated to all of the minds fraught with guilt, and a sense of “should.”

Pour coffee into a cup with milk and stir to combine with your non-dominant hand. If you have never done this before, observe how it feels. Now do this every day for two weeks - don’t miss a day. Watch how it feels to learn to use your body in a new way. Now wash, rinse, and repeat with another skill you want to master.

You likely have leftovers in your refrigerator after hosting a party. For some, that might be the best part. Why?Because you get to create! Today I may attempt making a sourdough pizza with breast and stuff. I’ll drizzle gravy over the top and on the crust, fermented honey. I’ll then bake it on a pizza stone. Could it taste awful? Absolutely! But it might also taste amazing. You get to be creative and innovative when you use what you have at your disposal. There’s no trick to it. Just examine the bits and pieces and find ways to combine them. If you do enough mixing and matching, you’ll develop a skill for it. Sometimes people think that they’re just not the creative type, but what actually is, they’ve not practiced making mistakes enough. Try sourdough turkey pizza. If it fails, you just got a bit better at being creative. That’s a win.

If you visit the doctor because you don’t feel well, and the doctor tells you to take a few Tylenol and be on your way, what was the visit for?Was it for medical advice? Or authoritative reassurance that you are, “okay?“When your friends call you to check-in, are they calling because they are “checking in?” Or is it for the feeling of being connected with someone they care about? The call is not for you - it’s for them.And when the family comes over for Thanksgiving, are all of the preparations and stress for you? Or is it for the expectation they have for how you think they would think Thanksgiving should go? When you think about what things are actually for, you learn how to navigate. Thanksgiving, for me, is not for helping my family to retell themselves the story of how Thanksgiving should go. It is for me to show gratitude by thoughtfully cooking and baking food that I believe will nourish and promote their vitality. If you do or don’t celebrate the US Thanksgiving holiday, I want you to know that this blog today is for you. It is meant to prompt you to be intentional with work and encourage you to be intentional with life. Living life with intention is something we can all be thankful for.