If others upset you, consider checking in with yourself first.  Maybe you need better expectations for yourself?Maybe you are trying to control things you can’t control?Maybe you are insecure with yourself?Maybe you wished you didn’t have to keep the peace, and you could just say what was on your mind?I’m starting to think much of our anger towards others has more to do with our inability to accept the shortcomings within ourselves.  Wrestle with yourself first. Then try to persuade others to do things a different way. Getting upset rarely helps.

Are we losing what it means to meet each other in person? Or are we discovering a new meaning? Are we learning to appreciate the sight of others even more? The other day I met someone for an outside coffee. My goal was to accomplish one thing - enjoy the presence of another human. I walked away with a better appreciation of their story, their pandemic struggles, and I felt seen myself. Zoom and Teams, and Hangouts can do wonders. But if it’s safe for you to do so, also find ways to meet others. We’re social creatures. We need that.FYI - I prefer dark roasts, chocolate-y overtones, and with a bit of cream. I do not have a Starbucks order.

I played a gig last night that turned into a practice session. It turned that way because nobody was there. Why did we let it get that way?Playing a gig is the act of doing work for others and getting paid for that work. It’s not for practice. It’s for connection with someone else. It’s also for bringing that someone else into an experience.  Who goes to a show to watch a band practice? Unless you want the experience of watching artists practice, nobody.  You go to a show because you want to feel part of something bigger than yourself.  This post is not a critique of the bandleader. I admit that I had a hard time treating the work seriously. And I acknowledge that a prior version of me would have given the current version a hard time for my lack of serious attention.  In any work you do, remember what that work is for and who it is for. It is not for you to practice your craft. It is for others to experience something that matters to them.

If you are having trouble getting an idea off the ground, maybe it’s not the idea. Perhaps it’s that others don’t know what you can do. If they did, and trusted you, And needed what you do, They might reach out.

I lost 100+ pounds earlier this year. Throughout the pandemic, I surprisingly remained the same. Now, thinking about myself, I put on some pounds. Did I take three steps forward and two steps back?  No. I realized what I did was not take any steps back at all - I moved forward.  If you stop progressing, then you don’t necessarily regress. Instead, you stop until you decide to start again.  How empowering it must feel to realize that you can decide to start again. If you want it, you can do it - just decide to act.  I’ve learned lessons from gaining a few pounds. Learnings that I’ll apply to other areas of my life.  Stopping doesn’t mean ending or falling behind. It means being in the moment where you get to decide to start again.  But this time - better.

What keeps me up at night is the next day.  What will it bring?What did I miss?What didn’t I prep?What did I forget to schedule?Will I do what I said I was gonna do?What keeps me in bed in the morning is the day.Why not 10 more minutes of sleep?Why not choose warmth?Why not just rest?There are reasons not to sleep.And there are reasons to sleep more.What if we asked the same questions but reversed when we ask them?  “What keeps us up at night?” becomes “What gets me up every morning?““What keeps me in bed in the morning?” becomes “What gets me to sleep every night?“Sometimes doing life better is a matter of asking the right questions at the right time.

Anybody who knows Ian knows he enjoys exchanging ideas of a philosophical nature. I - depending on who you ask - might be the same. Yesterday Ian and I debated for a good 70 minutes, and I left profoundly changed.No, I do not concede Ian’s points. Nor do I think I lost to Ian. But I believe something better came from the conversation—a decision.Now, instead of trying to hold on to my ideas, I chose to see the world Ian’s way - for me to tell myself the story he tells himself. That act requires a choice - to abandon the need to be right and embrace the opportunity to learn something new.  Am I suddenly embracing Ian’s - obviously wrong because they’re not mine - views? No. But I can see where he comes from and why he might think he’s right. That’s important, not because it allows me to connect with Ian. But because it enables me to integrate Ian’s ideas with mine. That act of integration makes things better.  Others become less of a threat when we realize the others are a lot like us. Like you, they have beautifully complicated stories and want to make things better by making better things.  Oh! Belated Happy Birthday to our reader - Charlene. Charlene taught me how to make things better by enabling and encouraging me to try ideas out, go outside my comfort zone, fail fast, and learn.

The tendency is to move too fast. The tendency is to try and get as much done as possible. The tendency is to be all things. I choose something different. I choose to slow down. I choose to be thoughtful. I choose to act with intention. I like using a pen because I must choose to do all the things - slow down, be thoughtful, and be intentional - when I write with one. If I don’t, I’ll smudge up my hand.

In eighth grade, I won a debate tournament with my friend Dave.  In high school, I competed in moot court and forensic tournaments.  In my personal life, I argued with my parents every step of my coming of age.  A debate is for an exchange of ideas with the intent to persuade.  I have learned it is best to exchange ideas so that the people you want to persuade can understand - in their language.  If you want to debate, think about your ideas, craft your message, and use a medium that gives your thoughts a channel to reach others. If art is in the response, then the moment of persuasion must also be in the same - when others start telling themselves the story you’re telling them.  That’s only possible if others trust you.

The COVID-era mainstream greeting involves bumping elbows. Perhaps it’s not that new. Or maybe, I’m just that old fashioned. Or is it merely that I reject the mainstream. You get to be the judge.  To start my case, I start with the question I ask time and time again - what is it for? What is a greeting for?Greetings are for submission and demonstrating vulnerability. They are for allowing someone to hurt you and trusting them that they won’t.  Handshakes? Showing your hands is a way of showing you do not intend to harm.Embraces? Embracing someone involves bringing them close to you - chest-to-chest almost.  A wave? As I wave, I am making the underside of my arm wide-open for an attack. I am opening myself up.  A nod? Lowering your head to another is a form of submission - you see that reaction when you feel shame.But elbows?  If I greet you with my elbow, I am closing my body off to you. I am saying that I do not wish to make myself vulnerable to you. I might be saying that I intend to harm you - an elbow can be a weapon.  COVID is serious. 2020 was what it was, and we need to accept it for what it is. But let’s not forget what things are for, or why we do things.  Perhaps this silly post on greetings is another way to say, don’t lose your intentionality.  I am a fan of intention.  I am not a fan of elbow greetings.