Extreme tribalism is a danger.  And this form of tribalism is born from hurt.  My sister was recently dumped by a guy.  The reason was that she’s not Hispanic enough.Are you kidding me?She’s not Hispanic at all. Nor is she white. She’s just Maria!  And the person who dumped her wanted to be with someone who was more in touch with their culture.  The problem for Maria, myself, and those like us, is simple. We do not live in our birth culture. We grew up differently. But, the culture we grew up with is ours.  So for someone to say, “You need to be more in touch with your culture,” is inherently false.  ===Here’s another example: have you seen people write on Facebook, “Well if you don’t agree with me, I’m done being your friend. Just un-friend me now!"?  I have seen that, more times than I care to mention. And its a result of hurt.  And, as you can see with my sister, it’s playing out in relationships.  ===To be part of a tribe is to be part of a culture. The extreme version of that is to shun and create war. We’re in a state where many tribes are hurting. And when our tribe is hurt, we come to the defense/offense. And when we do that, we start digging our heels in and creating a wall between us and the others.But you can change that. It doesn’t have to be that way.Keep still, watch, and remember, you create your own culture.  You can create a culture where it’s okay to be different.You can create a culture where the other side matters, too.You can create a culture where to be inclusive means to acknowledge the truths of everyone.Nelson Mandela did this with the Truth & Reconciliation Commission. We can do it , too.

When 3:30 pm / 4:00 pm rolls around, are you tired? I sometimes get that way. Especially if I’ve been productive. That’s a moment to listen to your body. Take a walk. Step away. Recharge. Rest. You did something good today.

And do you really care? If you’re spending 100 hours on “just getting by,” you’re going to be great at surviving, but are you thriving?If you’re spending 100 hours learning a new instrument, you’re going to get pretty good.If you’re spending 100 hours writing your thoughts, you’ll become more skilled at transferring your ideas to others.Where are you spending your 100 hours?Is it something that you really want to master?If it is, keep it up and share!If it’s not, what’s keeping you from the work that matters?

Real Change is a(n):Mindset shift.Endeavor.Effort.Long-game.Difficult conversation.Empathetic ear.Opportunity to see yourself.Opportunity to see others.Open-Minded experience.Uncomfortable situation.You can do all of the “self-help” you want to do. Buy all of the productivity journals. Tell yourself and others that “you’ll change.” But it’s not easy. It’s all uncomfortable.  We’re not made to embrace things that are not comfortable. We want to do what’s easiest. Quickest. Out of sight, out of mind. We avoid.  If you want to change or want to help others change, you’ll need to do the hard, generous, and consistent work required.There are no shortcuts.And it’s worth it.

I’m not always the best at slowing down.I like to have something to do - to “feel” productive.This past weekend I did practically nothing… I read blogs, I watched movies, I made pork adobo.The human-animal has three modes of doing things:WorkRestPlayThis weekend taught me that I work and play too much and rest too little.  Which mode are you stuck on too much?Here’s a simple pork or chicken adobo recipe. If you like Filipino food.Sautee lots of garlic and onions in a fat of your choice.Add meat of your choice.Stew it for 15-30 minutes (your choice)Add soy/toyo sauce.Stew it more.Add vinegar - Don’t TOUCH IT after you’ve added vinegar.Stew it more.Enjoy. Recipes are a metaphor for life. Keep it simple. Take your time, rest, and enjoy. Just like the above mentioned weekend ;-)

“Doing ‘almost nothing’ is much better than doing nothing. Because if you did nothing, you’d die.” — Dad

Weeks ago, my sister received a COVID-19 test.

She got the test because a co-worker’s parents, sadly, tested positive for the virus. Upon this discovery, my sister’s world changed. She would be isolated in the basement for 72 hours while her test results were being processed. She received cooked food on the regular, thanks to her big bro. She laid on the pull out bed. Caught up on work. And, mostly, did nothing.  

Don’t try to win!  You won’t! It’s not worth it!  Trust me!Having said that, if I were in a debate with a friend, here’s what I’d ask:What has to happen for you to change your mind? What standard of proof, from what source, is sufficient for us to accept that something we’re sure wasn’t true, is true?I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re in the age of passive-aggressive, or straight-up aggressive online debate.  Suddenly our friends are infectious disease experts, political scientists, strategists, global warming experts, sociologists, or anthropologists. I know there’s a subtext in how I phrased my last point.  If you’re like me, you might be sick of it.  I’m sick of seeing friends put themselves and their beliefs out there and then get trolled, or worse, pulled into arguments where neither side seeks common ground, but rather, to dig in their heels.  Here’s my take:We all have different beliefs, stories, and lives - see sonder.Culture improves when we adopt the posture of curiosity and possibility - let’s look to learn from each other and be fascinated by what we discover.If you’re going to assert a belief, be willing to have it challenged. And be okay with it. Consider asking the questions above to those that would challenge you, and truly, to yourself.  If I’ve learned anything from my time on this earth is that winning doesn’t matter. This thought comes to you from a person raised by fiercely competitive lawyers. They bred an even more fiercely competitive son.  The questions come from Seth Godin’s recent blog post, check out his work. And, the thoughts on winning come from personal failures and learnings as a human. Please, help others.

The other night, before I slept, I found myself scrolling through apps on my phone. Have you ever done this? I was exhausted.  My body was ready for sleep.My mind was ready to sleep.Yet, my fingers kept scrolling. As if they were searching for some mythical fountain of youth.  I paused.  I asked myself, “what is this for?“The answer is simple - self-efficacy. Scrolling is for the feeling of accomplishment - “I found something!” It’s for the dopamine hit that comes from completing a task.  When I came to this realization, I reminded myself of what I accomplished that day - the reasons I had earned an invitation to do it again the next day.Then, I fell asleep.

Quite frankly, I’m sick of feeling like I’m so different.My views are different.My last industry was too different.My approach to leadership is different.My approach to recruitment is different.My approach is different.My story is different.I am different.I know!  I know I’m different.  I literally blog about my awareness of my “different” almost every day.  And, I’m okay being different. So why am I bothered? Because I’d like others to be okay with my different, too.  Because I’m getting sick of the lip service about how people are “inclusive,” but then use my “different” to discount my capability.Because I’d like others to see me the way I see them - for all they could be, would be and want to be if you only gave them the opportunity to show.  Is this a post asking for pity?  Hardly! No. I don’t need pity. I’m comfortable, and frankly proud, with and of myself.  This is a post that calls you to action.  To really think about the times when you look at others who are different, what aren’t you seeing in them? Are you discounting them? Are you underestimating them?    You and I can’t control how others see us. But, we can control how we see others.

Eventually, the terrain levels up.Maybe there’s another hill.There might be rocks on the path.Maybe the angle of descent is too steep.Maybe you’ll need to adjust your weight.What if you put your arms out?What if you slip and fall?What if you trip?I like hiking because it slows down the mind.I especially like hiking up and down hills.  Why?Because if you take your mind off what you’re doing in-the-moment, you’re sure to trip. There’s no time for second-guessing, thinking too far ahead, or behind - there’s only the moment in front of you. The minute you start thinking too far ahead, or too far behind, is the minute. And, nature has a funny way of keeping you in check.Consider a hike.