Being in the service of others doesn’t always have to be as poetic as it sounds.  

Serving others simply means being a contributor to someone’s life and making a difference, even if you don’t know how or why.

Serving others steps you into a posture of possibility.  

Generously giving of yourself, skills, ideas, connections, or your ear might be what others need to realize their fullest potential. Then, they may turn around and be generous to you. Imagine what that might do for you?  

I used to lead a large music department for a cruise line. Like many large companies, complicated systems exist to measure as much activity as possible - especially performance.  We’d then slice these metrics a hundred ways; adjust scores when we have too many people scoring too high; and require justification for every rating. It was too much. Admittedly, I wasn’t part of the solution as I often over-complicate.  Now, years later, I’m sitting here and reflecting on the experience. What could I have done differently? What would I do differently moving forward?  I would have asked, “what are scores for?” Determining how well we’ve accomplished a task against a “standard.”  Comparing ourselves against others.Gauging progress over time and learning from failure.But, I think that’s a bit short-sighted if I can be honest. I think I would have asked a broader question, “what is work for?“To me, work is for “communicating an idea to another human through a medium that hopefully changes their life in a meaningful way.“Writing this blog is work. I get to do more of this work every day, and I love it.  Representing your client is work. An attorney communicates the idea of “you’re safe, I’ve got your back” through their problem-solving abilities. It’s their hope that this changes their client’s life in a meaningful way.Being a parent is work. A parent gets to communicate the idea of “you’re safe, I’m here to help you grow into the human you’ll be proud to know” through their actions. It’s their hope that the human in their care will fully develop into one that serves their tribe. So, if that’s work, then “what’s a score for?“It’s invented.  It’s invented by other humans to measure something because that’s what humans do, measure. It makes us “feel” safe to “measure.” But, I submit to you, this is an illusion of your own creation.  If it’s an illusion, then “how do we know what we’re doing is right?“Simple.Give yourself an A. Tell yourself you exceeded expectations. Rate yourself the highest you possibly can. Then, tell yourself what you did to deserve it.  Some might say, “David, that’s just opening yourself up for laziness.“Sure. But, the lazy person doesn’t read this blog - you are not lazy.  You want to do more of the work that matters.   You need others to get out of your way.  You need to get out of your own way.  Today, or soon, write yourself a letter/email/voice memo. This letter will be addressed to you. And, you’ll author the letter as “future you.” Then, in the letter, write all the things you did to earn the “A.““June 11, 2021Happy Birthday, David!A year ago, today, you challenged me to deliver useful content to my readers. You challenged me to do this better than I did it in the previous year. I accepted your challenge. And, because of my efforts, I’ve received an ‘A’ for the work. Here’s what I did…With love and deep respect,David Brady"Maybe next year, June 11, 2021, I’ll take a look and see if I did is what I said I was going to do - that’s accountability. It’s also what a score is for.

It’s almost as if we’re living in a parallel universe. Think about it.A dog can see some color, is more nearsighted, may have a broader field of vision, and 10-20 times more sensitive to motion than humans.  The way a dog sees the world is entirely different than the way we see the world - parallel universes.So if I see the grass as green, and a dog sees the grass as a different color, is the grass still green?   To us, yes. To the dog, maybe not.  Why does this matter to you?How often have you seen the world’s challenges this way?It’s too hard.This is not the way to handle a problem.I have no way out.I don’t know what else to do.That doesn’t make sense.I don’t have the ability.I’m too scared.It will never work.I’m confused.Probably too often. This is how the “Resistant You” wants to see the world - through limitations, common sense, and rules.  But, what if we looked at the world’s challenges like a dog?  What if we expanded our field of view?What if we looked at different aspects of a problem?What if we said, “the rules are all invented, how about I invent new rules?“What if we stepped into a posture of possibility?  You might be wrong. But then again, you might not.  Because you’re seeing the world not as others see it.   But, as you choose to see it.

Do you know what a conversation is for?It’s to move an idea from one person’s mind to another.To move an idea seems simple if you practice the craft of communicating using conversation (see “Being an Artist”).   Then, what makes a conversation difficult?  I think it’s the perceived reaction of the other person.  The way someone else might receive our idea might not be aligned with the way we think someone “should” hear our thoughts. And there, there is the problem - the wrong expectations.We can’t expect that others will understand our position. We can only try our best.  We can’t expect the circumstances of the day will change our listener’s mood to negative. It might not.  We can’t expect the other to hear our words from a posture of possibility and love. They might not want to listen to what you have to say.  But, we can expect what others allow us to expect of them.  We can ask others if “now is the time for us to have a conversation about equity.“We can ask others, “what’s on your mind?“We can share with others, “I’ve got deep thoughts about race relationships, and I’d love to share them with someone who can help me frame up the issues. It’s a vulnerable topic for me. I feel safe with you. Could we talk?“Who knows what the answer might be, but for sure, it will help us navigate what’s next.  You can’t help others until you earn permission to speak.You earn permission to speak when others know you can listen.You receive the benefits of listening when you invite others to share.Step into possibility, be a force for change, share your voice - but first, pause, be still, listen, and turn difficult conversations into effective ones.  P.S. If you hold up the shell close to your ear, suspend belief, and concentrate - you can hear the ocean.

Yesterday, I wrote to you about dogs and how they see the world.  Yesterday, I encouraged you to see your limitations differently.Here’s the thing, to see things differently, you must first realize that what you see now is something you created.Concerned about getting ahead without a college degree?Here’s what you’ve created:An assumption that you won’t get ahead.An assumption that college is the only path forward.An assumption that you are dependent on another for your survival.An assumption that everyone sees the world with these same assumptions.An assumption that you have no worth and no skill without a degree.An assumption that college is the only way for you to receive an education.An assumption that you’re not good enough.You’ve created assumptions.The problem is, assumptions are more often wrong than right.  What if you created new assumptions?If college is for learning, then learning is for growth.If I grow in the areas I’m most passionate about, I’ll be able to help others better.If I am doing more to help others, others might help me.  If others want to help me, they might pay me.I can learn from people that are masters in their field.Many of these people post their content on the Internet for free.I can connect with others like me and do the work of growing together.  Suddenly, what seemed like a limiting path becomes a path of possibility.  But, it’s only possible because we had to realize that the constructs we create in our head are just that - invented.  So, invent new things and do life better.After all, that’s why you’re here.

I’ll admit this has been a wrestling time for me.  A wrestling time because I’ve grown up in a colorful and multi-cultural home. I live in a cultural home. I’ve experienced the world, for good and for bad, the way multi-cultural families experience the world. It’s a privilege to live this way, and it’s this privilege that caused me to take some time to understand the Black Lives Matter movement.My personal stance is Black Lives Matter. I support this cause, this group, and my friends who have been, are now and may continue to be, negatively impacted by racism, prejudice, and despicable exertions of authority in any form.  Additionally, I know that it’s the privilege I’ve had, not as a white man (which I can’t claim), but as a human growing up the way I’ve grown up, to not have to write on this topic. In general, if you read the blog, you’ll know that I focus on helping you do more of the work you believe you ought to do. It’s not so much about the times we live in.  With that said, everybody has a story - be it scary, sad, hurtful, exciting, vivid, or beautiful. And, if we are to do more work that matters for the people who care, we need to learn their stories.  Culture-at-large is slow to change. But, culture-within, your personal culture, can change overnight. Is it worth it?   If you’re a member of my tribe, the answer is “yes.”  People like us, the Artisan Doer, steps into a posture of possibility with love, empathy, and a deep curiosity for others.  We do so by focusing within, being still, listening, and being a meaningful specific to those that need us.  Take some time, learn the stories.Take some time, be present with yourself.  Take some time, set an intention.Take some time, serve another human..Does this mean you need to join a protest? No. Create change in your way.Join a protest;Write a blog;Listen more and speak less;Get involved in community organizations;Put a candidate forward that more aligns with your views;Think twice before crossing the street, ask, “what’s making me cross the street?”Help one another.Write a post on Facebook;Create a video and share it.The list goes on and I’m sure you’ll think of other impact-making ideas. I know this is a bit of a long post, but if you take nothing else, please remember this:There’s real hurt within the Black community. Understand that generations are hurt and oppressed - learn the stories, listen, and be empathetic. You’ll never truly understand, that’s okay, but you learned.We can be a force for change, and change happens quickest within ourselves. Be the change. Take action. Even if it’s small. I love you. I know you’re the kind of person who loves others and shows it daily. P.S. I chose Ricardo Gomez Angel’s photo because it symbolized, for me, transmission. Transmission of hurt, stories, and love. Communication is the act of moving an idea from one human to another. For me, Ricardo made that happen.

The origins of the word are Latin. It means, “to claim, affirm.“Interestingly, the origins of the word “claim” mean “to call out.”  To assert your truth is to directly affirm in a way faithful to your belief.It does not mean that you need to post about it.  It does not mean that you need to harm others for their assertions.It does not mean that others need to harm you for yours.  It does mean to represent yourself in a way faithful to you.  I say this because we’re raw now. Everybody is being called to pick a side - black lives matter, all lives matter, blue lives matter… and so on - extreme tribalism. This can be a force for good, but it can also be a force for exclusion. As a result, those that wish not to be excluded often say nothing, or worse, if they do, they’re shunned.  Be a force for change in the world - work to serve the others.  Assert your truth. If it’s not fully aligned with the story of another tribe - that’s okay.The goal is not to be something for everyone, but it is to be a meaningful specific for the people who believe what you believe - your tribe. The others who might shun you - they’re not for you.  That’s okay.

“No true gift is free of risk.“I use Ida Benedetto’s statement often in my posts. Why?Because change can be a gift.Because with change comes risk.  The risk that we’ll see the world differently.The risk that different may not be better.The risk that we might feel shame brought on by guilt.The risk that we might feel anger brought on by inequality.At the end of the day, we’ll never know what might happen until it actually happens, we can only assume which leads to fear.The problem with fear caused by assumption is that it’s something created within ourselves, and therefore, not yet real.  On the flip side, once we’ve made a change, we might find fulfillment. A fulfillment that comes from doing life better by doing better things.  Hesitant? Unsure? Worried how others might perceive you? Worried about being insensitive?  Worried you might be wrong? Worried you might be right? Worried about your pride? It’s okay. It’s the resistance talking, and it’s there to help you. You can beat it.But, it’s also keeping you from receiving and giving to the world something more beautiful - a gift.  Perhaps that gift is the ability to be more of what we need in this world - you.

If you’re going to create change that lasts, you need to see what’s in front of you. In order to see, you need to listen. In order to listen, you need to realize. You need to realize that everyone has a life as complicated, vivid, frightful, and just as beautiful as yours. Sonder is that realization. You don’t need me to rehash how 2020 has shaped up for us - it’s sucked. We’ve experienced a lot. What we’ve also encountered is seeing how our friends react - especially on social media. I’ve purposefully taken a step back. I’ve chosen to observe how people react, listen, and self-reflect. I have my opinions, but they don’t matter to anyone but myself. What matters is sonder - my realization that others have complicated lives, too. Through sonder, I’m a better listener, more thoughtful in my reflections, and more effective at helping others when I can. Now is the time to realize and fully see the others.