The part of you that keeps you from coming alive, “Resistant You,” has friends. You probably know them.Rationalization. You’ll start realizing a hundred ways why your ideas can’t work, and those ways will make sense to you. “Resistant You” uses Rationalization to keep you from coming alive.  Procrastination, a personal friend of mine, and of “Resistant You.” “Put off tomorrow what you can do tomorrow, relax today.” Procrastination aids “Resistant You” by putting off meaningful work.  Trouble. Ever noticed it’s easier to create mischief than finish practicing? “Resistant You” uses Trouble as a diversionary tactic.  Self-Drama. “Our lives are one big mess, if only we had time to get things done.” Have you heard this before? Self-Drama partners with “Resistant You” to show you that you don’t have time, energy, or the right to engage in that which makes you come alive.  The list goes on, you can imagine.  As you’re able, look within yourself. How does the resistant version of you rear its ugly head? Can you see it?

This past year, I fell victim to the “resistant me.”  I became influenced by great authors and thinkers - Simon Sinek, Seth Godin, Malcolm Gladwell, and Steven Pressfield. People who challenge doers to create something better for the world.  Their insights inspired me to think differently about my role in the world, who I was to people, and for myself. From these ideas came how I executed my jobs, thoughts on future projects, and this blog.  In thinking about new ideas and ways to help, I can always remember a little voice on my shoulder.“How will you ever survive on a blog?““Why does anyone care what you have to say?““You’re not much of a writer; you’re going to embarrass yourself.““What will people who used to work with you think?““What will those people tell others?“I came up with a thousand reasons not to do any of my ideas, in spite of my other belief that I could help change the world for the better.  Within me, a battle was occurring - the “alive me” and the “resistant me.”  In his book, “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield, he refers to this force as “resistance,” I am using the idea in a way that personifies the “resistance” as a version of myself.  Your “Resistant You” wants you to be safe. It doesn’t want you to take challenges, try new things, put yourself out there, or do anything that could compromise the status quo because to do so disrupts life. Your “Resistant You” wants consistency and safety.  This version of you is the enemy. It keeps you from coming alive, and therefore the enemy to your beliefs and dreams.  As Steven says, “Resistance has no conscience. It will pledge anything to get a deal, then double-cross you as soon as your back is turned. If you take Resistance at its word, you deserve everything you get. Resistance is always lying and always full of shit.”   Don’t listen to the version of yourself that keeps you from coming alive. Take courage, be bold, and plunge yourself into the pool of risk.  Don’t listen to “Resistant You.”

Happy New Year! Have you already thought about your resolutions? I’ve not. I’ve not because I believe my thoughts towards “resolutions” to be changing. Consider that when the new year starts, more people will secure gym memberships that will not lead to the outcomes they hope for - a better body. People decide that the worst is over, and it’s now time to start pursuing their passions. It’s the time that we set goals, think about our next steps, wonder who we are, why we exist, and the list goes on. This year, I want to challenge you with a resolution - overcome the resistance. Mercilessly challenge yourself to confront the uncomfortable. Make yourself vulnerable. You are in a war. A war between the “you” with beliefs and dreams of a better world, and the “you” that wants you to hold back, is afraid of shame, doesn’t feel they’re good enough - the “resistant you.” New Year, New you? Nah, fam! New Year, Real You!

You’ll often see me use the phrase, “Come Alive” when I write.  

Howard Thurman’s quote, below, moved me when I first read it.  

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

I love this quote because I feel it clearly places us, the reader, in charge. Too often, we are influenced by the way others think of us, our failures, our shadows - but they are only shadows.  

Have you been thinking about your goals for 2020 yet?  What’s your five-year plan?Did you already book the gym membership?  Are you eating all the sweets now so that you can start fresh January 1?  In thinking about the new year, and its associated resolutions, I think about my last series on decisions.  Resolutions for the new year are bets on a future us. We’re making a decision based on a “future version of ourselves” that we want to see. If you plan to improve your life, I am all for it - do it!However, I want to offer some help.Is this future you, a realistic you?  What’s the likelihood that you’ll fail? If you do fail, what’s your recovery plan?Consider your past resolutions; have you kept them? What kept you from achieving your goals? What makes this year different? What contracts will you make with yourself when you face temptation? You will face temptation.Is the goal broad enough? Simple enough? Can you easily remember it?Have you enlisted the help of others? Who’s keeping you accountable? Do you have a track record of holding yourself accountable?  I’m not trying to rain on your parade.  I want you to be successful.  I also want you to keep your expectations of yourself realistic, and I want you to do something you believe yourself to be able to, and desire, and need to do - I want you to come alive.

Did you avoid people? Do you know people that did? This blog is a simple reminder - expect the right things from the right people - mainly - yourself. You can’t expect others to not bring up drama from years past. You can’t expect others to help you wrap presents when you never asked. Others can’t expect that if they cry loud enough, you will stop and help you. Instead, have a clear expectation of what you expect of yourself. Control yourself. Do the things that make you come alive. Step into 2020 with a renewed sense of your purpose. Step knowing that the right expectation is the one you hold for yourself. How do you expect yourself to act? Here’s a previous post about the Wrong Expectations.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this series on making better decisions. Reflecting, I’ve realized that making decisions is an art. We’ve examined having intention behind decision-making, thinking about how decisions impact the future, finding the benefit in past reflection, tactics for making better decisions, biases to check, and critical personal realizations - we don’t know it all. The inspiration for this series comes from the book “Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don’t Have All the Facts.” by Annie Duke. If you found these insights useful to you, please share this blog with others. We need to build a tribe of people who are self-motivated to improve their lives, to create better art, and never to allow “good enough” to be okay. People like us, share meaningful work with others who can benefit. Consider joining others like you and sharing with five other people.

“Hindsight is 20/20.” Have you heard this phrase?Hindsight bias is dangerous - watch out for it.  Realize, in life, the odds are not in your favor. You will lose so much more than you’ll win. Like gambling, the house will always win - the house is “life.”  You can keep your “I-knew-it-all-the-time” bias in check by accepting that you did not. You will only ever have the facts that you see in front of you right now, you can project yourself into the future and the past, but in the moment is where decisions are made.  Take accountability for yourself, how you allow life to impact you, and what data you consider when making decisions.  A gentle reminder, from me to you:You do not know it all.If you didn’t listen to your intuitions, that’s on you.You’re not always right.  Your 20/20 hindsight doesn’t help.Your actions determine your life.No one “made you” do it.  Stop it.Oh, and also, I still love you.Please love yourself, you’re worth it.

I wish I employed this tactic more in previous roles. Have you heard the “7-Habits of Highly Effective Leaders” adage, “start with the end in mind?” I read this book in college and a few times since. As I write, I’m deciding to reread it soon. Okay, so what happens if the end was a failure? We always want to see the most optimistic results for ourselves - a win. Well, imagining failure would also be an encouraging result - we’d learn what did not work, that’s something. Don’t desire for failure, don’t wish for your efforts not to produce results that push a team forward. If your leaders, people that you are accountable to, desire a specific outcome - make it happen. But if you have doubts, leverage them - consider what would happen if your efforts failed. Tap into “Future You,” see the failure, consult with your decision tribe, and work the problem.

If past portends the future, I know, without a doubt, that if I go into a custard shop, I will most likely buy a custard. I don’t need a custard.  Moving forward, I’m making a contract with myself.  Since I know my temptation to want to buy a custard as I enter the custard shop, I will commit to asking for water. I will also commit to being okay with my friend(s) eating custard in front of me. In spite of how tempting it might be to want to join them.  Make a Ulysses Pact with yourself to help with decisions. Sometimes deciding in advance makes all the difference. Custard, iced cream and gelato’s love child, is my siren. Wish me luck ;-)