It’s no secret, I’ve never been a fan of the large annual meeting. Why? I find them to be a waste of time. Why? Have you ever been to meetings that begin with announcements?
“Ladies and Gentlemen, we’re so looking forward to playing for you, but first, the couple would like us to let you know that the bar is open.” It seems logical, right? Start with the logistics.
Never start with the logistics!
Concerts are other worlds. In this world, an artist controls you with their music, their message, and you experience it all with others like you. Auditions are other worlds. In this world, a stranger asks you to make yourself vulnerable with the hope that your life’s work may suit their needs. Mobile phones are other worlds. In this world, bulbs light up, speakers sound, and the device shakes to capture your attention and cause an emotional reaction. A dinner party is another world. You cross the threshold of a door to someone else’s abode to enjoy the fellowship of friends or strangers. Diner en blanc is another world. You dress up in white, cook dinner, and walk to a public place carrying your table and chairs to dine, dance, and enjoy time with strangers. This world happens only once. The beauty of the “other world” is found in the freedom it offers — the freedom to be something different, if only for a moment. Try to see the other worlds that exist. There are lots of them. Enter them, explore, and then leave. Then, create your own.
When your tribe gathers, they’re only as powerful as the bonds they build and maintain; encourage connection.My greatest regret, from my last role, is that I never had an opportunity to bring together the leaders from the field. I supported a team of seven supervisors that reported to me, and they led a team of approximately forty remote supervisors. Bringing everyone on the same page with the mission, product knowledge, and team leadership styles was a challenge. The more significant challenge, in my mind, was finding ways for these forty leaders to connect more as a group. To realize that they were not alone in their struggles. That they were not only seen but that they could see the others like them. I failed to convince my leaders of the benefits of hosting a conference that inspired this group to bond and leverage each other during tough times. Imagine how much more powerful the tribe would become if they could see each other, feel comfortable being vulnerable (not necessarily deep) with one another, and knowing that one another had each other’s backs? Moving forward, I want to create that world where people see each other and allow themselves to be seen. I want to encourage more connection.
When I led a larger team, I would often ask us to meet without technology. I felt it allowed us to be more focused. I also thought it a reminder that our personal connections were more important than the aids we use. As one might imagine, some people enjoyed the idea, and others came in, kicking and screaming.
I ended up caving to the pressure brought about by some team members. They wanted their computers to help them with taking notes. Eventually, everyone brought in their computers, the rule ended.
When your tribe gathers, equalize them. If there are roles to be played, delegate the tasks, and be transparent. If when your fans attend, you’d like them all to wear a specific color, give them what they need - an equal place at the table. If you’re having a meeting, consider a circular table instead of a square/rectangular one. If there are people from different social classes in attendance, invite them to call each other by their first name, and not discuss their work.If you are a recruiter, help your candidate feel as if they are in control. If you are an artist, let your audience know that you’re part of the experience with them. If you are a leader, remind your team that you’re supporting them, not the other way around. Great things happen when we work together on the same level. No one is better than another, we’re different. When you want to bring people together in a way that inspires action, be at the same level. We are equal.
If you are bringing people together to engage with music that celebrates strangers, then encourage people to be next to strangers. Or, if they already are, encourage them to acknowledge one another. If you are holding a rehearsal for an upcoming concert, then serve the musicians who are attending by providing advanced direction, an idea of what “performance ready” looks like, a reason to care. If you are hiring talent and holding an interview, serve your interviewee by not being afraid to be vulnerable yourself, be authentic, speak to them as one human to another. See them. How about a wedding band? Serve your audience by helping them celebrate the new lives of those that were just married. Yes, there are traditional games and rituals, but go a step further. Invite people to dedicate songs, curate a song track around friendships, vulnerability, and weave stories in and out of songs that tie into the event. You are the steward of your gathering’s mission. When you serve the audience with an experience that ties into the intention of your event, they will be inspired to act; you will create art.
There’s a space that I love in Miami, Lagniappe. I love it because they have music every night, and they attract talented artists. I also love that the listening room is small. So small that it’s not uncommon to be sharing a couch with a stranger. The place is so popular that people arrive hours early to claim a decent seat! Is it the music or the venue? Both. When we bring people like us together, to experience something bigger than ourselves, and inspired to take action - connection happens. Space amplifies the “connections” between one another. A small space of twenty to thirty people gathered to listen to music feels intimate, close, and focused. By contrast, a stadium of twenty to thirty people gathered to listen to music feels disconnected, distant, empty. A stadium filled with thousands of people singing along with their favorite artist feels inspiring, energizing, and as if you’re part of something bigger. How about a small space packed with hundreds of people and nowhere to move? If you want to bring people together in a way that inspires them to act, consider the space. Consider where your tribe likes to assemble, how they like to gather, the size of the groups when they do congregate, and whether or not you’re bringing them together for a focused and intimate experience, or helping them see the bigger picture. Below, I’ve included a useful chart made available by Apartment Therapy by way of Priya Parker’s book, “The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why it Matters.” Size matters.
When you gather the right people together with a purpose that inspires action, you will create art. When you bring the wrong people into the equation, you dilute your efforts. You can create better art by excluding those not chosen.To exclude someone “feels” wrong. It doesn’t feel right to say, “You can’t come. ‘This’ isn’t for you.” Does it? Who likes to be that person? No one. There’s a problem; in your attempt to include everybody, you will hurt the chosen ones. These people came to feel something unique to them, with others like them; these people want to do something with your message and share it with others. Your desire to feel better about yourself took away from their experience. You were not selfless; you became inadvertently selfish. What’s worse, the excluded will also be hurt. The ones who do not belong will feel out-of-place, as if they wasted their time, and speak of your event in less than positive ways. Why make an effort to bring them along? They’re not your connectors; they’re not for you, and you’re not for them. You can’t make everybody happy. But you can work to give something meaningful to the ones you seek to serve. The ones who will be touched by your work. Those people who will tell others. Don’t dilute your work. Serve your tribe.
If you are all things to all people, you are nothing to everyone. The tribe you serve is not all people; they have specific values, needs, and dreams that you help fulfill. When you bring them together, make your gathering for them - the chosen ones. I used to help couples plan the music for their weddings. On a rare occasion, I would be part of conversations that relate to their guest list. If you’ve ever been married, or know people who have, you know how important a guest list is to people. The problem with a wedding guest list is that everybody wants somebody that may, or may not, be of any relevance to the couple or their event to attend. They are the ones that we invite because it feels good, or we “should” ask them. These individuals are not the chosen ones. How do you determine who to invite? Weddings celebrate the union of two people, right? What if we turned it around? This new wedding is for two people to celebrate the individuals that were with them through the most challenging parts of their relationship - the journey. Those individuals who supported the couple are the chosen ones. Our new idea makes it clear who attends and who does not. Not just weddings, how about gigs?Let’s say I am an artist. My music speaks to people bullied in school and inspires them to look past the tough times and be a rock for others. Who would be on my invite list? Victims of school bullying, school support groups, maybe social support services, parent-school organization members? We would bring together the people that will be inspired to spread our message. Invite the people that you serve. They want you to share your message with them; they want to be inspired. When planning your next concert, gig, meeting, conference, or gathering - choose wisely.
When you bring people together - you gather. A gathering can be a meeting, concert, gig, lunch, dinner, practice session, wedding, coffee, networking event, a phone call, conference call, meeting, conference, check-in, or a video call. Previously I wrote on becoming a better artist. The first step in creating better art is to have a purpose, intention, cause, or belief which inspires action. Shouldn’t gatherings be the same? I recently spoke with an artist looking to break into the college circuit. They had an idea for creating a tour that focused on relationships. What happens if this artist called each gig an experience? This experience would be for people who have had struggles with relationships and want to feel connected with others through music. The experience would inspire people to check-in on people that are going through challenging times. All of a sudden, a simple gig has a purpose. Like this artist, I believe we can all do more to bring each other together for a purpose that inspires action. There’s an art in how we bring people together, and Priya Parker, in her book, “The Art of Gathering,” shares her insights into “How we meet, and why it matters.” For the next few days, I’ll be reflecting on the art of gathering your tribe. Follow along.