“No true gift is free of risk.” - Ida Benedetto Happy Thanksgiving to those celebrating the US holiday of Thanksgiving! To everybody else, happy November 28, 2019. Are you one of the billion people told that every day is a gift? We should be thankful for today because there’s no guarantee of tomorrow? That we should learn to practice more gratitude? If you are like most people I know, indeed like I am every day, you see in yourself great potential. You see a you that’s waiting to come alive. But you also might not see the means to make it happen. Maybe you don’t have the money, the right network, the right degree, you came from the wrong side of town, people remind you that reality is so much different than your dreams, and you barely see a way out. There are thousands upon thousands of reasons why you are not everything you could be, and it’s hard to give thanks when life doesn’t give you much to go on. The one thing you do have is an existence. A risk is a threat to destabilize your existence, the way things are now. As earlier mentioned, you have several reasons why you are not coming alive at this moment; your life doesn’t allow for it. A gift is an act that fulfills a need. To give a gift is to disrupt one’s life to show them something better. To receive a gift requires the recipient to allow themselves to be vulnerable enough to have their being “disrupted” for something better. As an artist, you give gifts to your audience. You let them know they’re not alone, you offer a new way to think, you highlight the hardships or successes of others, and you help us become alive through your work. Your gift requires us to destabilize our lives for a moment and allow your work to come in and show us something better. Never lose sight of what you do, how you do it, and how it impacts people. I’m thankful for you and the gifts you share with others to help them see the “something better.”

The United States holiday of Thanksgiving fast approaches. Too quickly, in my opinion. As a child, I remember the feeling of coming together, brother, sister, parents, cousins, grandma, aunts, and uncles to celebrate the year and enjoy our time together. I never had the experience of “dramatic” family dinners. Ever notice that, in gatherings, some hosts give the impression that everything is “perfect” when it’s not? Feels fake, right? I believe it’s because we’ve been conditioned to avoid conflicts. Think of classic American finishing schools for women; they taught social graces, which included what not to discuss with others - religion, sex, and politics. Now, these and other conflict matters are taboo. Conflict is a necessary part of the human experience. We require conflict to grow. Without an ability to stretch our muscles, and break them, we cannot rebuild stronger than before. In the same way, we must be as intentional with how we introduce conflict into our gatherings. What do I mean?If you want to share your music, which challenges the status quo, invite people with conflicting points of view to engage - create conflict. If you want to generate new actionable ideas, invite your team to debate the good and bad suggestions - create conflict.If you want to be able to discuss politics over dinner, invite those that will be able to entertain a conversation without getting personal - enjoy the feeling of polite discourse. Through conflict, we can find a middle ground. We see how others feel about our topic, and we can then look to discover what makes us the same. Additionally, through conflict, we allow everyone to be heard or seen. To create better art, we must learn to see and to speak. To create better art, we must learn to see and to speak. Think about your next gig, house concert, family dinner, or coffee date - how can you invite healthy conflict?

Lots of people send invitations on Facebook, Instagram, and to their networks with words like: “I’ll be playing here, come and see me.” For some, this method of attracting people to their concerts works. It works because those friends who attend already know your work. They know what to expect from you, and they like what you do. However, some members of your network may not know you; does this invitation still work? Facebook Friend Requests and LinkedIn Invites are the most common ways people blunder an invite. Today, I receive connection requests for people looking for work on a cruise ship. I’m not an agent; I recruit for a travel company. The inviter never bothered to look at how I describe myself or my work. What’s the likelihood I can help?We need to rethink how we invite people to connect. What’s our mission? Do we know the people we seek to serve well enough that we can craft a meaningful invite? Is our message relevant to them? “For those that enjoy dancing to swing music from a big band, and I know some like (insert names here), join others like you and attend my concert with Such-and-such big band here, this Friday, at 10:30 PM.““David, I see that you used to work for a cruise line. I hope that was a good move (it was). I follow your blog, and I have a question. I’m hoping to connect with you and learn a bit more.” Suddenly our invites become relevant to the people we seek to serve. What can you do to create more relevance for your audience?

It’s no secret, I’ve never been a fan of the large annual meeting. Why? I find them to be a waste of time. Why? Have you ever been to meetings that begin with announcements?

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we’re so looking forward to playing for you, but first, the couple would like us to let you know that the bar is open.” It seems logical, right? Start with the logistics.

Never start with the logistics!

Concerts are other worlds. In this world, an artist controls you with their music, their message, and you experience it all with others like you. Auditions are other worlds. In this world, a stranger asks you to make yourself vulnerable with the hope that your life’s work may suit their needs. Mobile phones are other worlds. In this world, bulbs light up, speakers sound, and the device shakes to capture your attention and cause an emotional reaction. A dinner party is another world. You cross the threshold of a door to someone else’s abode to enjoy the fellowship of friends or strangers. Diner en blanc is another world. You dress up in white, cook dinner, and walk to a public place carrying your table and chairs to dine, dance, and enjoy time with strangers. This world happens only once. The beauty of the “other world” is found in the freedom it offers — the freedom to be something different, if only for a moment. Try to see the other worlds that exist. There are lots of them. Enter them, explore, and then leave. Then, create your own.

When your tribe gathers, they’re only as powerful as the bonds they build and maintain; encourage connection.My greatest regret, from my last role, is that I never had an opportunity to bring together the leaders from the field. I supported a team of seven supervisors that reported to me, and they led a team of approximately forty remote supervisors. Bringing everyone on the same page with the mission, product knowledge, and team leadership styles was a challenge. The more significant challenge, in my mind, was finding ways for these forty leaders to connect more as a group. To realize that they were not alone in their struggles. That they were not only seen but that they could see the others like them. I failed to convince my leaders of the benefits of hosting a conference that inspired this group to bond and leverage each other during tough times. Imagine how much more powerful the tribe would become if they could see each other, feel comfortable being vulnerable (not necessarily deep) with one another, and knowing that one another had each other’s backs? Moving forward, I want to create that world where people see each other and allow themselves to be seen. I want to encourage more connection.

When I led a larger team, I would often ask us to meet without technology. I felt it allowed us to be more focused. I also thought it a reminder that our personal connections were more important than the aids we use. As one might imagine, some people enjoyed the idea, and others came in, kicking and screaming.

I ended up caving to the pressure brought about by some team members. They wanted their computers to help them with taking notes. Eventually, everyone brought in their computers, the rule ended.

When your tribe gathers, equalize them. If there are roles to be played, delegate the tasks, and be transparent. If when your fans attend, you’d like them all to wear a specific color, give them what they need - an equal place at the table. If you’re having a meeting, consider a circular table instead of a square/rectangular one. If there are people from different social classes in attendance, invite them to call each other by their first name, and not discuss their work.If you are a recruiter, help your candidate feel as if they are in control. If you are an artist, let your audience know that you’re part of the experience with them. If you are a leader, remind your team that you’re supporting them, not the other way around. Great things happen when we work together on the same level. No one is better than another, we’re different. When you want to bring people together in a way that inspires action, be at the same level. We are equal.

If you are bringing people together to engage with music that celebrates strangers, then encourage people to be next to strangers. Or, if they already are, encourage them to acknowledge one another. If you are holding a rehearsal for an upcoming concert, then serve the musicians who are attending by providing advanced direction, an idea of what “performance ready” looks like, a reason to care. If you are hiring talent and holding an interview, serve your interviewee by not being afraid to be vulnerable yourself, be authentic, speak to them as one human to another. See them. How about a wedding band? Serve your audience by helping them celebrate the new lives of those that were just married. Yes, there are traditional games and rituals, but go a step further. Invite people to dedicate songs, curate a song track around friendships, vulnerability, and weave stories in and out of songs that tie into the event. You are the steward of your gathering’s mission. When you serve the audience with an experience that ties into the intention of your event, they will be inspired to act; you will create art.