Managers are often taught to praise their employees often. But I don’t think we really want “praise.”Think about it.If you think your work is crap but your manager says “good job” how genuine does that feel?I wonder if what we really want is engagement. What if we didn’t just want someone to say “good job” every now and then, and instead we wanted them to take an interest in our work. Someone to dig in to our thinking, really try to understand our intended outcome, and learn our story. Yes - people want someone to be at the finish line cheering them on. But I think what is more valuable is that person who is with us from when we start training, to when we start the race, and at the finish line. The ultimate gift is the gift of attention.

According to my Mom, the thing I did as a child that set me apart from others was that I went over to my neighbor’s home and offered to bust their ghosts for them. Later in life, I would offer to teach my high school history teacher piano. The list goes on. Today I sat and reflected on what might be my “life’s work” - the thing I should be doing. When I look back at my childhood I see a pattern - I helped people, and I helped people in a bit of an unorthodox way. I think about how I work now. I manage a team but I don’t consider myself a “manager”. Instead, I consider myself my team’s #1 Fan. I use methods that flip the script on how management is “traditionally” done and my team’s get fantastic results. My style reflects me - it’s whimsical, fun, laid back - happy. My life’s work is serving people and helping them be happier. Perhaps busting ghosts was more about bringing a smile to someone’s face than it was about paranormal security. So what is it for you? What were your earliest inclinations? What story would your parents or your childhood best friend tell? You know, the stories you don’t want being told because of how ridiculous you were. ;-)

Famed inventor Buckminster Fuller heard this voice in his head at his lowest point in life - as he was about to commit suicide:“From now on you need never await temporal attestation to your thought. You think the truth. You do not have the right to eliminate yourself. You do not belong to you. You belong to Universe. Your significant will remain forever obscure to you, but you may assume that you are fulfilling your role if you apply yourself to converting your experiences to the highest advantage of others.“Our life’s work - our mission - is to be in the service of other, “in the highest advantage of others.” When we’re not doing that work, we experience a tremendous distaste for life, become depressed, turn to vices, and become our shadow selves. The way out requires a sacrifice. A choice to shed the facade of who you are now and dedicate your life to your vocation - your mission. Anything worth believing is worth fighting and sacrificing for.How far will you go so that you are of the highest advantage to those who need you?

“And indeed the worst of my faults was a certain impatient gaiety of disposition, such as has made the happiness of many, but such as I found it hard to reconcile with my imperious desire to carry my head high, and wear a more than commonly grave countenance before the public. Hence it came about that I concealed my pleasures; and that when I reached years of reflection, and began to look round me and take stock of my progress and position in the world, I stood already committed to a profound duplicity of life.” - Robert Louis Stevenson - The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. HydeIf you haven’t read that short story, you must. And you must because what Dr. Jekyll describes above is what you and I live with on the daily - a duplicity of life. A war of good vs evil, indulging vs temperance, justice vs self-preservation, Coke vs Pepsi. Don’t allow the bi-polarity of life to run you from one end of the spectrum to the other. No. Rather, seek balance - find the middle way. Imagine how the story for Dr. Jekyll might have ended if only he sought balance. It likely wouldn’t be the horrific and thrilling story that it’s become. Then again, life (in the aggregate) is rarely that.

People survive the most devasting natural disasters in relatively good psychological shape. But relationships can be destroyed with one wrong word, one single act. - Richard Farson, “Management of the Absurd”Organizations and communities are made up of cooperative relationships between people. Cooperative and trusting relationships are not easily built - they take time, energy, effort, and presence. In spite of all the effort and patience required, a relationship can be destroyed with one single act or word. How many people do you no longer talk with because they upset you? My forming opinion is likely, way back in the past, we were biologically incentivized to look for moments where someone in our community would let us down - our survival was at stake. Nowadays, we don’t depend on people like that to survive - we don’t need that level of bias, but it’s there. Though this might be our un-evolved nature, how might we make it a strength? How might we transform ourselves from being ultra-fragile to being more resilient? How might we transform the proverbial straw that broke the camels back into a reinforced steel beam? I don’t have any answers… I, like you, have too much straw. But, I’m willing to go down the rabbit hole and see where it leads.

Pho is the food you want in the middle of the night after a gig. Pho is the food you need when it’s cold outside and you want a huge bowl of food. Pho is Vietnamese penecillin. You can make Pho too - it’s easy.Slow cook meet for 12 hours.Add onion, spices, ginger, and slow cook again for 12 hours.Here’s the thing about Pho that nobody talks about…Skim your scum.As anybody who’s boiled meat or made broth will tell you, meats (and chickpeas) when heated have proteins that denature and rise to the top of your cauldron in the form of scum. If you want a beautifully clear broth/soup you need to skim the scum off the top.When our life becomes “denatured” how likely is it that our eyes and minds get clouded with scum? Where things just don’t “feel” that clear? Where we feel anxiety and stress because we’re unsure of what to do next?That is scum, and we need to skim it. Pho is one of those food products where gratification will be delayed, and much like you, it is the journey and the effort that matter most. Skim your scum.If you don’t know about Pho - you’re missing out.

Personally, I believe the real benefit of travel is awareness.How people in different places do different things than you.How buildings in different places look different than the places by your home.How food in different places taste different than the food you are used to.I’ve traveled around the world many times, but no matter how much I travel I never cease to be made aware of how little I actually know - and that’s exciting! No matter where you live, what you do, or where you are right now - if you want to find excitement in life, throw yourself head first into the posture of “knowing that you don’t know” and be open to what comes next.

The vacation that your mind wants you to take - a long haul train trip. I just traveled from Chicago to Boston - to quote Bilbo, “there and back again.”Wi-fi on trains sucks - spotty coverage and service. What does that mean for you?Forget about trying to get a lot of work done that requires the Internet;Forget trying to stream the tv shows you’ve been wanting to binge;Forget literally anything that requires an internet connection.I loved it! I read, I looked out the window, and I got to know more what it means to be a friend to myself. You already have all you need to feel contented and satisfied. You don’t need to be connected to be contented.

Someone I met at a conference does motivational speaking, and the phrase she uses in her speeches is, “you’ve got this peanut.”As silly as the phrase is, it brings a smile to my face when I hear it. It’s 1:00am, I’ve worked my ass off, I’m happy, and as I’m closing down for the day and looking at my projects I’m telling myself, “you’ve got this peanut.”Why don’t we say this to ourselves more?

If you’re helping someone get better - feedback, advice, whatever - give that advice in a way that compels that person to respond with, “thanks for looking out for me, I mean that. Thank you.”What do you say to deliver that kind of feedback?There’s no best practice - no “one” script you should use. It’s a matter of heart. Do you care enough about that person that you want to help them reach their objective? If “yes,” then communicate with that as your intention. If “no,” then reconsider. Great feedback is from the heart and compels forward momentum. Great feedback helps someone realize their hope.