“Nothing is burdensome if taken lightly, and nothing need arouse our irritation so long as we don’t make it bigger than it is by getting irritated.” - Seneca, Letter to Lucilius CXXIIIHow often do we let things irritate us so much that the act of getting irritated is making the thing that’s irritating us bigger than it really is? Perhaps more often than we should. And if that’s true, make a list of all the things that truly irritated you in the last week. How many of those things could have been taken lightly? And if it doesn’t kill or harm your person, you likely can take it lightly.

You are a kid. You hear about Santa on the news, you see Santa in the mall, you are told about Santa by your friends and your parents. All of these data points combine in your head and you develop a theory that Santa is real. Assuming you celebrate secular Christmas, you likely woke up on a Christmas morning, ran downstairs, and noticed some type of gift from Santa. For sure Santa is real. So you set out to prove your theory.You set out cookies for the guy (how is he not diabetic?).You set out traps hoping he’ll get caught up in them.You are deceitful and trick your parents into thinking you’re asleep so you can bum rush the guy when he makes his entrance. You do everything possible to prove your theory true - Santa is real. What you might not realize is that we humans love to confirm our beliefs. Ever had/heard conversations like these:“See, they didn’t give me that raise, it just proves how little they value me…” Does it? . ”Oh my god, we hit traffic again, see, I told you that if you didn’t get ready 30 seconds earlier we would hit traffic.””That’s exactly what they want me to do, give in, but I’m not going to…”And in confirming our beliefs we are reinforcing theories that may or may not be true - Santa is real. So what to do?We must actively prove our theories false. I see Santa, I hear about Santa, I receive gifts from Santa, and therefore Santa is real… I will now set out to prove Santa does not exist before I accept that he does.Think about the three conversations mentioned above, here’s how we might set out to prove those Ideas false:I will set out to prove that my employer does value me before I accept the theory that they don’t.I will prove that leaving 30 seconds earlier doesn’t make any difference at all.I will validate what “they” want me to do before I give in.A genuine way to test if our theories and beliefs are real is to attempt to prove them wrong. If we do that, we work against our natural tendency to say, “see, this is exactly what I told you it was…”People managers: this is a useful tip when managing employees who believe that the company is “out to get them.” Get your team member to disprove their belief before accepting it.

When you’re asking people for a commitment, consider phrasing the ask this way, “can I count on you to_____.”If the answer is anything but yes, then you can assume the answer is no. Why is the question so powerful?Because when we believe others are counting on us, we are more likely to go out of our way to make the thing they’re asking us to do happen. If we can’t make that commitment, we’re likely to do anything else but say, “No, you can’t count on me for that.”I believe we should be better about letting people know when they can’t count on us… and I think we need to be better at accepting when people tell us that. Many of our problems are easily solved when we are truthful about communicating and accepting what can and cannot be expected from each other.Can I count on you to make that part of your life?

Each day we have an opportunity to take our shot.We communicate a decision;We interview for a job;We call a loved one;We play a song;We act.Once you’ve taken your shot, it’s up to fait to decide if you’ll hit your target. The goal is not always to hit the target.The goal is to get a little better each time.Take your shot.

It’s a force that no matter what you do or how you resist, it almost always wins. What makes jet lag so powerful is how persisting it is… always there, chipping away at your will to be awake until you finally succumb to its power. I think there’s a lesson in jet lag… You experience jet lag when your body was used to operating one way and then you’re suddenly operating in a different way - I was in the Philippines and now I’m in the USA. Jet lag has forced me to stop, take it easy, and intentionally plan my day. What if jet lag was a metaphor for rapid change? What if “jet lag” was the thing we experienced when we try to do too much too soon? Find a way to be friends with the powerful forces working against you - jet lag, fear, imposter syndrome, anxiety, anger, curiosity, and the like are all forces that when leveraged can be your strongest ally.

When you’re seated to do the thing that matters to you and the inspiration doesn’t show up and the head ache progresses across your skull and notions of why you’re wasting your time you should be doing something totally different right now enter the thoughts and your back starts to ache a bit and your legs become restless and your breathing feels laboredSTOPBreath.Listen.What do you hear?The air conditioner over the doorway.The worker packing a garbage page.A utensil hitting a plate.A yellow bucket with wheels moving across the floor. A glass door gently falling back into place - My exhale…

If you are an average human, your life span will be ~639,480 hours long. How you spend each hour matters. Why spend 10 hours doing something you hate just to please someone else? Why stress about something that may or may not happen in the future when you have the present right in front of you?Why not be generous with your time and share a few hours with people you regard as close? Why not keep a few hours for yourself to relax and be still?The clock is ticking

The benefit of being surrounded by people who don’t speak your language is that you’re left out of the conversation, isolated from connection, and the only things you can relate with are your thoughts. Believe it or not - we need more moments like that. Why?Because moments like that prompt us to be mindful of those we might be inadvertently isolating while we’re in our meetings, gatherings, or at home. And… if you are one of those people unintentionally isolated, still your mind and your thoughts. Listen, be open minded, and speak up. Often times people don’t realize that we might be feeling left out.

Friends come and go into our lives for various reasons and seasons. The best friends know that even if their season ends for now, fait could very easily orchestrate a time and place for them to meet back up, play a role, make change happen, and then go on to their separate ways. I’m seeing such a friend today - someone I haven’t seen in 10 years and only really met a few times on board a ship. I’m so thankful for this person and that I get to spend some time reconnecting even for just a few hours. Don’t take friends for granted and love each second with them as if it was your last. And then, once they’ve left, keep their spirit alive in your heart and soul - as if they never left… because… they haven’t.

You might be. People like us, people who read this email, sometimes are the “odd ones” out. The ones who:Think differently;Try new things;Think critically about what’s around us;Want to think about serving others first; or Believe there’s got to be something more to this thing called life.It’s okay to be the odd one out.I’m reminded now how much I love being in that position… which is where I find myself more often than not.