Brady Helps

It's almost as if we're living in a parallel universe. Think about it.A dog can see some color, is more nearsighted, may have a broader field of vision, and 10-20 times more sensitive to motion than humans.  The way a dog sees the world is entirely different than the way we see the world - parallel universes.So if I see the grass as green, and a dog sees the grass as a different color, is the grass still green?   To us, yes. To the dog, maybe not.  Why does this matter to you?How often have you seen the world's challenges this way?It's too hard.This is not the way to handle a problem.I have no way out.I don't know what else to do.That doesn't make sense.I don't have the ability.I'm too scared.It will never work.I'm confused.Probably too often. This is how the "Resistant You" wants to see the world - through limitations, common sense, and rules.  But, what if we looked at the world's challenges like a dog?  What if we expanded our field of view?What if we looked at different aspects of a problem?What if we said, "the rules are all invented, how about I invent new rules?"What if we stepped into a posture of possibility?  You might be wrong. But then again, you might not.  Because you're seeing the world not as others see it.   But, as you choose to see it.

Do you know what a conversation is for?It's to move an idea from one person's mind to another.To move an idea seems simple if you practice the craft of communicating using conversation (see "Being an Artist").   Then, what makes a conversation difficult?  I think it's the perceived reaction of the other person.  The way someone else might receive our idea might not be aligned with the way we think someone "should" hear our thoughts. And there, there is the problem - the wrong expectations.We can't expect that others will understand our position. We can only try our best.  We can't expect the circumstances of the day will change our listener's mood to negative. It might not.  We can't expect the other to hear our words from a posture of possibility and love. They might not want to listen to what you have to say.  But, we can expect what others allow us to expect of them.  We can ask others if "now is the time for us to have a conversation about equity."We can ask others, "what's on your mind?"We can share with others, "I've got deep thoughts about race relationships, and I'd love to share them with someone who can help me frame up the issues. It's a vulnerable topic for me. I feel safe with you. Could we talk?"Who knows what the answer might be, but for sure, it will help us navigate what's next.  You can't help others until you earn permission to speak.You earn permission to speak when others know you can listen.You receive the benefits of listening when you invite others to share.Step into possibility, be a force for change, share your voice - but first, pause, be still, listen, and turn difficult conversations into effective ones.  P.S. If you hold up the shell close to your ear, suspend belief, and concentrate - you can hear the ocean.

Yesterday, I wrote to you about dogs and how they see the world.  Yesterday, I encouraged you to see your limitations differently.Here's the thing, to see things differently, you must first realize that what you see now is something you created.Concerned about getting ahead without a college degree?Here's what you've created:An assumption that you won't get ahead.An assumption that college is the only path forward.An assumption that you are dependent on another for your survival.An assumption that everyone sees the world with these same assumptions.An assumption that you have no worth and no skill without a degree.An assumption that college is the only way for you to receive an education.An assumption that you're not good enough.You've created assumptions.The problem is, assumptions are more often wrong than right.  What if you created new assumptions?If college is for learning, then learning is for growth.If I grow in the areas I'm most passionate about, I'll be able to help others better.If I am doing more to help others, others might help me.  If others want to help me, they might pay me.I can learn from people that are masters in their field.Many of these people post their content on the Internet for free.I can connect with others like me and do the work of growing together.  Suddenly, what seemed like a limiting path becomes a path of possibility.  But, it's only possible because we had to realize that the constructs we create in our head are just that - invented.  So, invent new things and do life better.After all, that's why you're here.

I'll admit this has been a wrestling time for me.  A wrestling time because I've grown up in a colorful and multi-cultural home. I live in a cultural home. I've experienced the world, for good and for bad, the way multi-cultural families experience the world. It's a privilege to live this way, and it's this privilege that caused me to take some time to understand the Black Lives Matter movement.My personal stance is Black Lives Matter. I support this cause, this group, and my friends who have been, are now and may continue to be, negatively impacted by racism, prejudice, and despicable exertions of authority in any form.  Additionally, I know that it's the privilege I've had, not as a white man (which I can't claim), but as a human growing up the way I've grown up, to not have to write on this topic. In general, if you read the blog, you'll know that I focus on helping you do more of the work you believe you ought to do. It's not so much about the times we live in.  With that said, everybody has a story - be it scary, sad, hurtful, exciting, vivid, or beautiful. And, if we are to do more work that matters for the people who care, we need to learn their stories.  Culture-at-large is slow to change. But, culture-within, your personal culture, can change overnight. Is it worth it?   If you're a member of my tribe, the answer is "yes."  People like us, the Artisan Doer, steps into a posture of possibility with love, empathy, and a deep curiosity for others.  We do so by focusing within, being still, listening, and being a meaningful specific to those that need us.  Take some time, learn the stories.Take some time, be present with yourself.  Take some time, set an intention.Take some time, serve another human..Does this mean you need to join a protest? No. Create change in your way.Join a protest;Write a blog;Listen more and speak less;Get involved in community organizations;Put a candidate forward that more aligns with your views;Think twice before crossing the street, ask, “what’s making me cross the street?”Help one another.Write a post on Facebook;Create a video and share it.The list goes on and I’m sure you’ll think of other impact-making ideas. I know this is a bit of a long post, but if you take nothing else, please remember this:There’s real hurt within the Black community. Understand that generations are hurt and oppressed - learn the stories, listen, and be empathetic. You’ll never truly understand, that’s okay, but you learned.We can be a force for change, and change happens quickest within ourselves. Be the change. Take action. Even if it’s small. I love you. I know you’re the kind of person who loves others and shows it daily. P.S. I chose Ricardo Gomez Angel’s photo because it symbolized, for me, transmission. Transmission of hurt, stories, and love. Communication is the act of moving an idea from one human to another. For me, Ricardo made that happen.

The origins of the word are Latin. It means, "to claim, affirm."Interestingly, the origins of the word "claim" mean "to call out."  To assert your truth is to directly affirm in a way faithful to your belief.It does not mean that you need to post about it.  It does not mean that you need to harm others for their assertions.It does not mean that others need to harm you for yours.  It does mean to represent yourself in a way faithful to you.  I say this because we're raw now. Everybody is being called to pick a side - black lives matter, all lives matter, blue lives matter... and so on - extreme tribalism. This can be a force for good, but it can also be a force for exclusion. As a result, those that wish not to be excluded often say nothing, or worse, if they do, they're shunned.  Be a force for change in the world - work to serve the others.  Assert your truth. If it's not fully aligned with the story of another tribe - that's okay.The goal is not to be something for everyone, but it is to be a meaningful specific for the people who believe what you believe - your tribe. The others who might shun you - they're not for you.  That's okay.

"No true gift is free of risk."I use Ida Benedetto's statement often in my posts. Why?Because change can be a gift.Because with change comes risk.  The risk that we'll see the world differently.The risk that different may not be better.The risk that we might feel shame brought on by guilt.The risk that we might feel anger brought on by inequality.At the end of the day, we'll never know what might happen until it actually happens, we can only assume which leads to fear.The problem with fear caused by assumption is that it's something created within ourselves, and therefore, not yet real.  On the flip side, once we've made a change, we might find fulfillment. A fulfillment that comes from doing life better by doing better things.  Hesitant? Unsure? Worried how others might perceive you? Worried about being insensitive?  Worried you might be wrong? Worried you might be right? Worried about your pride? It's okay. It's the resistance talking, and it's there to help you. You can beat it.But, it's also keeping you from receiving and giving to the world something more beautiful - a gift.  Perhaps that gift is the ability to be more of what we need in this world - you.

If you're going to create change that lasts, you need to see what's in front of you. In order to see, you need to listen. In order to listen, you need to realize. You need to realize that everyone has a life as complicated, vivid, frightful, and just as beautiful as yours. Sonder is that realization. You don't need me to rehash how 2020 has shaped up for us - it's sucked. We've experienced a lot. What we've also encountered is seeing how our friends react - especially on social media. I've purposefully taken a step back. I've chosen to observe how people react, listen, and self-reflect. I have my opinions, but they don't matter to anyone but myself. What matters is sonder - my realization that others have complicated lives, too. Through sonder, I'm a better listener, more thoughtful in my reflections, and more effective at helping others when I can. Now is the time to realize and fully see the others.

This time we're in, this moment, this slog - right now, this is a time for sonder. 

sonder, noun. : "the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you'll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk."- John Koenig, Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

Right now, at this moment, you and I are both living our own complicated, vivid, beautiful, and scary life.  

You're not alone.  

PS - I was out yesterday sick. I'm better now - needed some rest. You were on my mind. Stay well, friend.

Have you read or heard these comments from your friends?"I'm over it, I'm leaving Facebook. It's too dark here. Peace out, y'all.""I'll fight anybody that disagrees with me. All cops are bad.""The virus scares me, I can't see you.""There's no point in trying to get ahead, so why bother?""Black lives matter. And, if you disagree with me, we can't be friends."  I have, and I see them every day. I find them interesting. Why?Because they are the work of the "doing mode."  David, what's the "doing mode," and why do I care about it? Your brain's "doing mode" creates a picture of how the world "should" look, and then it works to make that picture a reality. It's the mindset that enables us to invent things, finish a task, and "do" life. But, like most things we do, we sit in this mode too much. Here's an example of what I mean.When things aren't becoming a reality quickly or smoothly, the "doing mode" goes into "overdrive." It will cause you to stress, obsess, and feel things are "unfair" or "unjust." You'll frustrate.When you begin to frustrate, you'll be experiencing unpleasant emotions. "Doing mode" doesn't want to deal with your feelings, and it will work to get rid of them.When you are getting rid of emotions, you're seeking closure. Even if that means changing the subject, lashing out, distancing yourself, or doing anything that creates a closure, be it healthy or not - it's Machiavellian this way.  When you are creating unhealthy closure, your ability to "do" the real things that matter, and serve your tribe, is compromised.  When you're compromised, you'll feel shame.  When you feel shame, you give up.When you give up...The "doing mode" is balanced by the "being mode." A mindset that enables you, no, "allows" you to exist. To take things in, to learn, to question, to make a decision, and to move on. The "being mode" is about "experiencing" life. It's also about growth.We need both modes of thought to exist.  "Experiencing" life gives us the ability to "do" living better.But, it only works if you can do both in balance.The balance will enable you to keep going.We need you to keep going.  Oh…A more detailed and scientific article on these two modes can be found here.Also, I chose the header image for this entry because it epitomizes how your “doing” mode operates. In kind of a funny way, I see that sign in my head all the time. Sometimes, I need to erase it and write, “Stop. Listen. See. Question. Reflect. Act.”If you’re interested in reading about what I’ve been reading in the last 6 months, let me know and I’ll share.

Have you really stopped to deeply think about this question - what is it for? This meeting, what is it for? Will this meeting help me understand what our work is for? Culture, what is culture for? Will creating a diversity committee help me understand what culture is for? School, what is school for? Will writing this essay help me understand what school is for? Protests, will attending a protest help me understand what a diverse and inclusive culture is for? People are staking out their tribes now. People are angry. People are frustrated. People are sick and tired of being “sick and tired." Extend empathy. Get involved. Be an ally. Create a culture. Just understand what it's for. HT to Seth Godin for the “What is school for?" question.