I continue to believe that the people who take time to self-reflect and pull forward their learnings to the present will be more effective than those that don’t. In a world of “go go go”, the person who can stop and still their mind wins.
Gale Garnett was likely thinking about something else when she wrote the lyrics to “We’ll Sing in the Sunshine”; however, I believe the lyrics are a powerful meditation in a different context.
The refrain (generally) is:
“We’ll sing in the sunshine, we’ll laugh every day, and we’ll sing in the sunshine, and be on our way.”
The last verse refrain combo:
“And when our year has ended, and I have gone away, you’ll often speak about me, and this is what you’ll say: ‘We sang in the sunshine, we laughed every day, we sang in the sunshine, then [we] went on our way.’”
My dad likes to sing this song. And as we were singing it in the car, I was reminded that life is about singing and laughing with those we love, and then it’s about going on our way.
Just like life, every moment must end. It’s not only what we did in that moment that count, it’s also how that moment imprinted itself on our story.
For now, I’ll take what moments I can to sing in the sunshine and laugh in the rain with my parents. And one day, like you and I, they will be on their way.
In The Great influenza, author John Barry describes how viruses work. They attach themselves to certain receptors in the body. The virus replicates itself. It disguises itself. It destroys from within mercilessly. As much as we try to develop medications to cure them, the best advice is to let it run its course. The even better advice is, “the best offense is a great defense.”Moral wars are like viruses. When we battle each other on the field of morality, we battle for something intangible. That intangible is greater than us, it cannot be quantified, it’s deep, it’s often linked to power. Moral wars never end well.If Person A plays the moral war and Person B plays the conventional war, Person A is likely to win - likely through a scorched earth strategy. Better to avoid the moral wars.Nobody truly wins, and nobody truly knows what they are fighting for - they just know they have to fight. That’s the most dangerous kind of opponent.
Books have the power and ability to put up a mirror in front of you. To show you a side of yourself that you hope to suppress. You don’t want to continue reading the author’s words because of how embarrassed you feel, or how close they’re hitting to you. When that happens - take it slow. You have done things in life that you are not proud of. When we see those moments reflected back to us, it’s time to stop and reflect. It’s time to say, “yes, that happened, and it’s okay because I’m in this moment now and I have learned, and I’m not that person anymore, and I don’t have to be that person again. I get to choose.” Many of my favorite stories involve mirrors. Perhaps I have an underlying desire to face myself head on - to confront that past version of myself. Or, more likely, perhaps I have a desire to forgive myself and move forward. Depending on the day, it can go both ways.
Marcel Duchamp, the artist behind the Fountain, wrote: “I have forced myself to contradict myself in order to avoid conforming to my own taste.” I feel that quote. Do you? Our tastes and behaviors are rooted in what others would have us believe and do - norms and culture. Being contrary to social norms doesn’t win you favors. I often don’t win favors, and I’m okay with that.Our most strategic posture is the posture of being able to conform or not-conform at our own will. To blend in with the crowd and then stand out as required. As a backup musician, that is a role I know all too well. I love Marcel’s idea because it reminds me that I don’t have to be like everybody else. I only need to be myself.You only need to be yourself. Everybody else is taken.
I love this quote from Julius Caesar.What we wish, we readily believe, and what we ourselves think, we imagine others think also.My question: so what’s real?Everything and nothing.Everything that we believe is real to us.And nothing of what we think is thought of in the exact same way by others. The servant’s invitation is to get curious and learn what others think and then help them where they’re at.
As much as I write that life can be more simple, we people can be complex.The stories we tell ourselves about our life are beautiful, rich, and complicated. The feelings we feel when things just don’t right - those feelings are bright, vivid, and intense.Experiencing the energy of other people can be draining. If you are the kind of person easily drained by the emotions of others, it’s okay.Give yourself time and space to say - “it’s okay, that’s a part of serving others.”
“The reason it is hard to end things well is simple: endings inspire overpowering emotions.” - Robert Greene, 33 Strategies of WarAt the end of a concert after the big crescendo and the final hit the theater will go to black. The theater will go dark just for a moment and then the lights come back up. In that space is the overpower response to musician’s art. During a sales presentation the consultant often pauses before they deliver their call to action. They share the struggles of other clients, how hard it is to do business, and how they hear so many people asking for a solution - and then they pause. They say, “and that’s why we made this…”Books have chapters, cartoons have “that’s all folks,” letters have “Sincerely,” and our lives have death. What I struggle to understand is this: If the end of things brings forth overpowering emotion, why would we deny ourselves that experience? Wouldn’t we look forward to the end? Perhaps we don’t fear the end. Perhaps we might regret that we didn’t take full enough advantage of the present. There’s no refund policy on time spent. Make the most of the present, and look forward to the overpowering rapture of the end. Fine.
Status quo bias is real, and you live with it. The reason you can’t make changes in your life, the reason that people aren’t influenced by your great offers, the reason why nothing changes - status quo bias; the preference to keep things just as they are. Understand: People maintain their status quo because they believe life is good just as it is. The decisions they are making now are the right decisions for them. Put another way, people don’t want to believe they make bad decisions for themselves. To get them to change we must:Reinforce the status quo. You make great decisions, things are going great for you, look at how far you’ve come, all of the time and effort you invested to get to this outcome… you are killing it. (this only works if you believe what you are saying) Ask a provocative question. What if you could get something more…? Why are you leaving money on the table? How might you take what you know works and take more advantage of it? (This only works if you believe the question will help the person)Be silent. Wait. Art is in the response; let the person you are trying to persuade sit with your question. (This always works - we can afford to talk less)If you want to inspire change, then a good first step is to reinforce the status quo, be curious, and be still.
As Robert Burns writes in To a Mouse, “The best laid plans of mice and men” often go ugly; and they do.You and I plan poorly. We create objectives, we create tasks to hit our objectives, we plan to reflect on our work and improve; but do we truly ever? When Nature hurls chaos upon us, we often don’t know how to respond. We ask, How can this happen - all my best laid plans! In that moment of doubt, when our best laid plans “gang aft agly”, we need to become water.Spend time in nature - especially near a creek. Watch how water effortlessly moves across and around obstacles. Let the sounds of water churning and swirling around rocks to enchant you. Think to yourself, how might I be more like water? How might my life go from being a hurricane to a soft churn and swirl as I move effortlessly around rocks and creek bends? When our best laid plans go ugly and chaos reigns, effortlessly moving around that which gets in our way - like water - is the surest antidote to the stress caused by a fixed and vexed mind.