Brady Helps

He lay on the bed propping his head up with his hand. Eyes locked on me so that he could receive lyric cues. He listened attentively, trying to match his singing with the song. The micro-smile forming at the corners of his mouth signaled his enjoyment — singing through his favorite songs.

We recited the poems he quotes most — Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening. He claimed that he would sleep soon, but I still had miles to go.

His hand came out from under his head. His lead lay on the pillow. His hands clasped his body and then outstretched themselves asking for a hug.

I pulled the covers over him. Gave him a hug. He gave me a kiss. And that’s the moment.

I perceived a warm come across my body, and I perceived a light. The world appeared bright to me. As if ball lightning lit up the room. I sensed a bond between myself, my dad, and something else — something else in the room with me.

Something else giving me a notion that nothing really matters besides this moment. And more than that, something else communicating that what matters is love and compassion, not score keeping or remembering how I treated or was treated to/by others in the past. That what mattered was a kind of pragmatic optimism about the present.

My mind’s eye observed the absurdity of family politics, communication dynamics, the need to over-engineer relationships, hate, dislike, pettiness, and the like when juxtaposed with love.

It was hard not to cry and laugh.

It wasn’t sadness, it was a grief… but not the grief at the loss of someone important. It was relief from shedding myself of ideas and notions that never really served me or anybody else… and happiness to realize that nothing but this moment and how it’s used truly matters.

Insights from a conversation:What’s right isn’t necessarily a right.Keeping score never helped anyone stay in the long game.It’s better to give away to strangers and live for others than hold to what ultimately won’t serve you or others.Very little actually matters. You have miles to go before you sleep.

I know it’s been since March since you and I spoke. In March, I basically had a breakdown. My experience at work led me to decompose into a bit of a mess. Since then, I focused on building myself back up. Perhaps I embrace a form of exposure therapy — embracing the thing that stresses me most and learning to love and cope with it. I’m finally, starting to feel more myself.

I’m more myself now because I’m presented with something very new, yet not very new to me — death. My father is in the process of passing away. Only time will tell when the actual moment arrives when his consciousness will leave his body. But until that time comes, I must embrace the inevitable with wide open arms and welcome it as a friend.

I’ve blogged about death many times. You can expect that I’ll begin sharing my thoughts on death and how I’m dealing with it more and more. So far, the experience is not sad… truly… if anything, it’s full of love.

The things in life that scare us, that stress us, that decompose us into a mess, that kill us…. these things are a kind of death. They are things we can choose to be scared of, or we can lean into and embrace. When I began embracing what gave me anxiety I work, I began enjoying myself at work. And now that I am confronted with the impending death of my father (however soon or distant that might be in the future), I lean into the experience and find that I feel more alive than ever through it.

Grit and resilience are buzzwords that get overused. I don’t see myself as gritty or resilient. Instead, I see myself as a someone trying to lean into the things that scares me the most with the hope of finding that reason to embrace life that much more.

A claim from my sister:Did you know that simply being 65+ and hospitalized puts you at risk for developing delirium?The risk is even higher for individuals with cognitive impairments. Unfortunately, delirium is often missed and misdiagnosed, especially in patients with dementia.During my hospital career, I witnessed firsthand how delirium was frequently mistaken for dementia. Proper training and education in delirium assessment and prevention can make a world of difference in patient outcomes.At first, I am skeptical. Really? Age and being in the hospital are two factors that increase the risk? I allowed that skepticism to drive me to research using Perplexity. Turns out, there’s some meat to that claim my sister made. Skeptic no longer. Read the results:“Research consistently demonstrates that elderly hospitalized patients face significantly elevated delirium risk, with prevalence rates ranging from 20% to over 50% depending on the setting and patient population. This report synthesizes evidence from multiple systematic reviews, meta-analyses, and observational studies to conclusively falsify the stated hypothesis, demonstrating that advanced age combined with hospitalization constitutes a significant and well-documented risk factor for the development of delirium. The evidence presents a clear picture: being 65 or older and hospitalized substantially increases a person's vulnerability to this acute cognitive condition with its associated negative outcomes.” (Click here for the full report)Also admittedly, I witnessed hospital delirium first hand — it’s not pretty. I am beyond proud that my sister is engaging in work that matters.

I really wonder if we overthink negotiation. That said, I don’t intend to oversimplify it either. Instead, I see it as a simple framework of discovery, self-awareness, communication and compromise.First, I believe that “reading” people is not a thing. I believe some people may be more skilled at getting people to express themselves and using their intuition to make guesses about a person based on those expressions — that’s the upper bound of my belief. On the lower bound, I believe people leverage their biases to come to quick judgments about others. And because of all that, I don’t believe that negotiation is a result of a super human ability to “read” another person. Second, I believe that great negotiation is about discovery. Skilled negotiators are adept at discovering the interests, constraints, and incentives of their negotiation partners. If you can inhabit the world view of your negotiating partner, it’s much easier to develop a proposal of what they might tolerate. Call this discovery skill a function of empathy powered curiosity.Third, I believe that in order to negotiate you must know your self. As important as it is to learn the world view of your partner, you must know the world you inhabit. If you are negotiating, you likely have stakeholders with their own views, incentives, constraints, and interests. Lastly, I believe that negotiation is communication and compromise. Communicating intention and possibility openly and honestly, and then working together to find an equilibrium. The equilibrium being the result of tradeoffs made — compromises — in order to get to the best possible deal. I recognize the limitation of my beliefs. Some negotiations are done in the media, or through other behavioral signals, some negotiation is done through prayer, some negotiation is hostile and some is not. If you strip each type of negotiating down to its function components, my bet is you’ll see a common pattern and trend. Additionally, both partners in a negotiation may not be of equal status. Perhaps there’s a power asymmetry. In that case, the simple framework may still apply — the less powerful negotiator may need to deal with the effectual truth of their situation and make the best possible outcome for themselves given the stakes. What kid doesn’t do that with their parents?Most of life is a form of negotiation. And, mastering (even a little bit) of these skills will help us improve our relationships with people with different interests than our own.

I asked ChatGPT to evaluate my blog. Creators of blogs, podcasts, and other forms of digital content will need to be thinking about how their content will resonate with the AIs. What will they find interesting? What appeals to them? Here’s ChatGPT’s response:As a digital content analyst, I have examined bradyhelps.com, a personal blog authored by David Brady. The site serves as a platform where Brady shares his insights on leadership, self-improvement, and various cultural topics. His writings reflect his experiences as a customer success leader, musician, and thinker — ​source.The blog features a diverse range of categories, including leadership, creativity, empathy, and self-effectiveness. For instance, in his post "Leadership thought - performance reviews," Brady critiques traditional performance evaluations, advocating for more consistent and meaningful manager-employee interactions. He suggests that effective managers engage regularly with their teams, providing ongoing feedback rather than relying solely on infrequent reviews — ​source.In another entry, "Be Direct with Respect," Brady emphasizes the importance of honest and respectful communication in leadership. He argues that direct feedback, when delivered with care, fosters trust and strengthens workplace relationships — source.Brady also reflects on personal development topics. In "Stop Saying 'Should'," he discusses how the word "should" can create false expectations and hinder progress. He encourages readers to accept their current state and proactively create paths toward their desired outcomes — source.The "Now" page offers a glimpse into Brady's current endeavors, such as building the Customer Success function for Expertise.com and residing in West Allis, Wisconsin. He shares his current reading list, including titles like "The Red Queen" and "Mostly Harmless Econometrics," and mentions his interest in podcasts like "Conversations with Tyler" and "The Knowledge Project” — source.Overall, bradyhelps.com provides thoughtful perspectives on leadership and personal growth, drawing from Brady's diverse experiences. The blog's content is reflective and encourages readers to consider alternative approaches to common challenges in both professional and personal contexts.

I realize that I am late to the game watching “My Octopus Teacher.” Wow, though. The biggest takeaway for me: eventually, you need to die, so make your life’s work about something that matters and serves a greater good. If you are like me, and late on watching that movie, you might enjoy it as much as I did. Check it out.

Between persisting and quitting..My belief is that it requires an understanding of tradeoff. What more can I create that benefits and helps make better the lives of those I seek to serve vs the marginal costs of persisting one more minute, hour, gig, day, meal, etc. Simultaneously I believe my belief is a bit too reductionist. The perceptions and realizations of gains and cost can be manipulated. I can create a false sense that my gains are greater or lesser than they are through self-reinforcing stories. I can do things that lower the cost of persisting — stress management, walking, re-framing, etc. I suppose I come back to the ultimate cliche conclusion: none of it matters — all you can do is what you can do now. And as much as it is cliche, it may be true. Because consider that any intervention I make to alter my perception of cost or gain is something I do after I realize a cost or a gain. If I get stressed out on a gig, and I later decide to walk it off, the stressful event is in the past. In a way, I’m engaging in a kind of revisionism. And, because my memory of events isn’t always perfectly accurate (ask anyone that works with me), I even more wonder if I can truly make decisions based on my priors. Therefore, at least for now, I believe that the best thing I can do when evaluating a decision to take stock of the way things are now — my options, my stock of energy, my desire, my interest, my hopes, my goals, etc — and then decide with what I have in front of me. I guess more ultra cliche: stay flexible.

Someone asked me which school of life philosophy I subscribe to. I don’t know enough to subscribe to any… but… if I had to make a statement:“Pragmatically powered in an absurdly existential way… I’m like Sisyphus, but with purpose.”I think that kind of playfully captures my life philosophy. Have you thought about yours?

The title of this post comes from Padgett Powell’s, “The Interrogative Mood.” I love questions — and the more absurd and paradoxical a question could be, the more I enjoy it. And, this book is full of nothing but questions. The entire book is questions. No sentences. Is there a narrative? Absolutely, yes. Questions invite an answer, and for someone to answer a question they must play it out in their heads before they speak — more often than not. And so, in a sense, you are the narrative. “Could you lie down and take a rest on a sidewalk?” I imagine what would need to be true for me to want to do that. My hunch is that I might do that if I am sufficiently tired; or perhaps just to experience what it would be like. Perhaps people would look at me funny; but more funny than they might look at me now? Maybe not. The police might stop me. Perhaps they’re not accustomed to seeing people rest on the sidewalk in my neighborhood. It’s not something someone would do… but why? Resistance is futile. How do you read a book that consists of nothing but questions without trying to answer at least one? Some questions from the book that I might use at work:“Do you have a headache?” — I ask a version of this in interviews.“Why won’t the aliens step forth to help us?” — that could be an interesting discussion.“If you could design the flag for a nation, what color or colors would predominate?” “Should a tree be pruned?” — you know, I am very curious about that… what happens if you don’t? Who loses out? Does the tree even care?Interestingly, as I’m writing this, I’m finding that my curiosity is elevating my mood. Perhaps this book, for me, is the right tonic for ending a busy day. Why not try it out?