Do I understand you?
I imagine your life is a mix of ups and downs. You wake up dreading what’s to come. You ask, “why am I doing this? What have I gotten myself into?”
I imagine you wish someone would help you. You tell people in your life what’s happening in your life, but it seems like nobody listens. Don’t they see you struggle.
I imagine you find life overwhelming. Every day one new thing to track. One new bill to pay. One new fire to put. And, maybe for you, one new rabbit hole to go down. You can’t keep doing this, you just need a break. Why can’t others see you need a break?
I can imagine these things because I’ve listened to many people over many years talk about their lives. But to imagine is not the same as understand. I don’t want to understand you.
What you think you seek is “understanding” but what you actually seek is “being acknowledged.”
Acknowledgment, in the way I am using the word, means to be “seen” or “perceived.” To have your humanity “recognized.” To say I “understand” your humanity is to rob you of your experience. You don’t want your experience stolen from you, I think you want it “recognized.”
Why is it so hard to see people recognizing us?
Perhaps because we want people not only to recognize us but do something for us. We want the recognition of our situation to compel action — some argue that’s called “sympathy.” A person can be skilled at “recognizing” but not sympathetic; and someone can be sympathetic but not skilled at recognizing.
What’s my preference?
My preference is to be skilled at recognizing someone’s humanity. I prefer people recognize me for my humanity too. I don’t need/want sympathy; what I need is another pair of eyes looking back at me and saying, “I see you.”
