Suppose a friend approaches me and asks for advice. The friend is going to have dinner with a family from another country. The family will treat my friend to food and traditions from their country. My friend doesn’t want to offend and asks for advice. Here’s what I would say:

Rules to Guard Your Mind

1. Citizens of a country are not a monolith. Not every Filipino loves adobo, and not every American likes country music.
2. Humble yourself — remember you don’t know as much as you think you do and you’re probably wrong.
3. Listen with every sense!

With the rules in place, I would then prescribe a set of actions.

Do This

1. Listen with your eyes — watch how people interact in this home, and do as they do. Don’t be bothered if you’re told what to do.
2. Listen with your ears — listen to the sounds, television, music, cooking, and how people talk with another and how people talk to you.
3. Listen with your eyes again — watch how people conduct themselves around you and reply in kind. If they put a hand out to shake your hand, reply with a hand out. Mimic.
4. Listen wtih your mind — gather as many inputs from your sense and imagine yourself mimicing them and doing as they do. When in Rome!
5. Listen with your mouth — eat what they want and how they eat. You don’t have to like the food. It’s better if you just enjoy the experience of experiencing it.
6. Listen with your heart — at the end of the day, these are people just like you who are trying to love others and be loved themselves — enjoy these people, they are perfect as they are and they don’t need to change for you to extend them love.

I might be wrong about all of this; I’m happy to be humbled. It’s been my experience that listening first and mimicing to fit in have helped me crack more culuture codes than any other method — even more than learning a language.

Last modified on 2026-02-10