A calling is the bridge between our questions and the journeys we take to answer them. Heading a call is deciding to find/create the answer to the question.If you want to get people to walk the path with you, invite them on a journey to answer a question.
Looking back, what you learned? How have you grown? Where did you fail? Where did you thrive?History repeats itself. You will experience moments like this again... more times than you necessarily want. The question is not "when," but How will you more effectively manage yourself next time?
If you are a leader of a group - meaning that you have people in your charge - you may be making decisions for them. Are you committing them to the right things? How do you know?
Have a clear vision of the outcomes you are trying to create.
Then, before you ever make a commitment, ask yourself:
Prompt: Does the commitment I will make on behalf of my team help them do and build what the vision is for?
The answer can only be yes or no.
If the answer is maybe, then the answer is actually no.
If you answer yes, you're committing your team to the right thing. Congratulations. They will be bought in and love their work realizing a vision.
If your answer is no, don't commit - stop. Regroup with your leaders and find another way.
Remember sonder?
Your team, students, and children are telling themselves stories about themselves that's as beautiful and as complex as the one you tell yourself about you.
In that story, they want to be the heroes. In their story, they have agency to bring all of their skills to bear to make the big things happen - the climatic cinematic ending we all want for ourselves.
That simple prompt above helps you determine if you're giving a cinematic ending to those you seek to serve. And if you're a leader, in addition to your customer, you also serve your team.
Getting to decide what you want to get to do is only part of making a better life. But in getting to decide, you also get to analyze the stakes.Is what's on offer better for me as a person and for what I might become if I stay the course? Or is it a distraction? An escape? Good decision-making is weighing the stakes and playing your hand the best you can.
The light bulb moment you love to see in people is the discovery of a good question, not a good answer.I have seen that so often in coaching - when people visibly express excitement about the possibility of answering a new question - that motivation for discovery drives action.Your job is to solve less, and inspire more.
Your muscles need to be broken in order to regrow stronger - that's the gym is for.Your scales need to be slower before they can be faster - that's what the metronome is for.You need to practice coaching before you can be a coach - that's what mentoring is for.You need to work on yourself so that you can model good behavior to a kid - that's what your time is for.Development and growth come from practice.If you stick with it, your practice will give you results.Stick with it.
What is a good and healthy mind for?Does what you're doing right now help cultivate a good and healthy mind?If not, what small tweak can you make now so that you can cultivate a good and healthy mind? Will you do it? Can you imagine how much more happier and effective you could be if you only made a small improvement?If so, how might you do more of this? Can you leave space for more of this to happen in your day? Where would that space be? What keeps you from adding it now?Discipline your mind through thoughtful and intentional self-reflection.Then, commit to and do the work to make life better.Simple as that.
People like us don't want to feel corrected, we want to be effective.We want to look back and be able to say: "Hey, I did it, it worked, and it worked better than I thought."Help people be more effective.Here's how:Leave space. Let people show you their work and don't judge.Be curious. Identify where someone is trying to go with their work. Ask questions like, who is this for? what is this for? what change does this seek to make? why are you hoping those you seek to serve will care about that change?Connect the dots. Help someone bridge the gap from where they are now to where they are trying to go.But what if you're a leader and the work is all wrong?What makes the work wrong? Did the employee create the work for a different audience than what was intended? If so, is that on you? How could you have created better alignment? Is the work of poor quality? What might be improved? Help the person cultivate a sense of good taste.But what if the person is clearly unskilled?Are they doing the right job? Did you hire for the skills you needed? It's possible that this isn't the right job for that employee. Perhaps this is a stretch project? If so, that's okay then. Come alongside that person and help them develop the right skills.People like us want to believe we are doing our best work and that it makes a difference.If you want to get really good at giving feedback, stop calling it feedback.Instead, start calling it "optimization".Does this help you become more effective?
Two lights are lit. They signal opportunity.The two lights are positioned above two distinct lanes.In each lane is someone like you.Someone just trying to get through and get home.Like you, they don't want to wait.Like you, they are hoping the person attending to the line moves fast.Like you, they did the dance you are about to do:Which grocery check out line do you join?Think about the data points that people like you consider when it comes to check out lines:Who is in front of me?Are they holding their wallet out now or are they fishing for it?Are they the type of person who will talk with the cashier?Did they purchase the whole store?Who is the cashier?Are they clearly getting paid by the hour?Are they chit-chatting?Does the conveyor belt appear to be moving the items along a fast pace? Which line has a better looking conveyor belt?But I think the most important decision is..."If I get into Line A, and Line B moves faster, should I switch?"What is the risk of picking a lane and staying in it?Why put so much effort into a check out line?What if we re-invested that level of executive strategic decision making into how we spend our time once we're home?
You said "yes" to reading these words. What did you say "no" to?You are saying "yes" to spending time at your job, but what are you saying "no" to?You are saying "yes" to your team taking a new project, but what are you (and your team) saying "no" to?You are saying "yes" to fast food, but what are you saying "no" to?You are saying "yes" to indulging your compulsions, but what are you saying "no" to?The question is a strategic one that consultants use all the time. But the question is so much more powerful.The question empowers you.Empowering you to re-assess and re-decide and iInviting you to take new action.What will you say "yes" to next?