Brady Helps

I get asked, a lot, how I got good at reading people.Here's the secret that only you know... I don't read people."But David, you seem to size people up pretty quick, you seem to know what motivates them, they respond to you... surely there must be a way?"There's always a way, and don't call me Surely ;-).I am effective at enabling people to be themselves around me - that's what everybody wants, right? To be themselves.How do you enable someone to be themselves?You show up as yourself.You encourage others to be themselves - "be comfortable, all I want is a conversation, what are you hoping for?" Once they share, you respond, "I can do that for you."You be curious. Seek to understand the person. Develop a sense of empathy for them - put yourself in their story.You be judge free. The key to getting people to show themselves is not judging people for showing themselves ;-)You repeat back what you learned - show the person that you saw them.You build on their what you saw - perhaps there's a way that person can leverage their story to something better for them? (that's called seeing potential)If reading people is a teachable skill, I don't want to learn it. Where I want to grow is improving my ability to see people exactly the way they want to be seen.Don't spend time reading people.Spend time getting to know and love them.

To be an effective sight reader of music - to play music at sight and without preparation - you need to quickly analyze what's in front of you. You need to understand what's going on within the song, how one note moves to another, how what you do contributes to the next note - the function of things. Understanding life isn't much different.To be a more effective you - understand the music that is your life. What are you trying to do? Who are you doing it for? Why is what you're doing useful for them? How does what you are doing now connect to the next thing you'll do? Do you have enough information - and are you gutsy enough - to take the next step?The skill I have is a sought after and specialized skill. I am by far not the best - there are many, many, many much better than I. What makes me effective is not an innate gift - there is no gift for sight reading well. What makes me effective is that I have failed - A LOT - and I continue to fail. But, with each failure I learn more and more.You have to practice.

Nothing natural is evil.The car that cut you off isn't out to get you, the car is just a car.The obnoxious neighbors next door are just people doing their thing.People on the opposite side of your politics aren't trying to take away your rob you of something, they are just humans participating in the same game our side plays.It is our perception of others and what happens around us that causes us to create, and pass, judgment.The car that cut me off? The car simply passed me, I perceived it as "cutting" me off.The obnoxious neighbor? The neighbors are loud, I characterize them as obnoxious.The other side trying to get their way and compromise my way of life? Am I trying to advocate for things that benefit me? And, am I considerate of others who may disagree in my advocacy?What I am describing is natural. It's natural to perceive, characterize, and judge others, or the things that happen around us, as good, bad, or otherwise. But, the thing is, they aren't good, bad, or otherwise. They, just, are.I am writing a bit more about perception and life because this time of year can be hard on many. There are expectations for what gatherings should be like, because they've always been like that, because one person wants it that way... and those expectations may not be met. That expectation miss causes many to spiral into a trap of judgment, argument, and depression. But, if they took a step back, and remember that "nothing natural is evil," they could see things as they are.Like the song says, "Let it go."

Ever have that drive to cut someone off in traffic because they cut you off? No, me neither.We people do petty things.Saying "fine, goodbye," abruptly as a way to passively signal our negativity towards a conversation.Striving for the last word in while arguing with others.Sharing the gossip about someone before they apply for a job.Seeking to discredit the work of someone else because you're upset they beat you.We all do it.The question I am starting to ask myself, "Did I get what I was hoping for by doing that?"More often than not, always, the answer is "no."

Pro Tip:

Remember that's it's easier to see and handle life's twists and turns if you let life get in front of you a bit.

Reacting to what's coming at you is easier than always having to look behind you.

We made a promise to each other. We said, this is how we are going to show up for each other.We committed to our community. We knew who we wanted to help, and tried to understand their story.We decided what we do when we fail. Failing happens more than winning, so have a plan for how to make each failure a celebration.We agreed on what winning looked like. Is it winning the race? Or is it finishing the journey?We told each other that we'll have each others back. We're in it together.My team, a team that I love and care for, had our quarter long work validated. None of us have ever done the job we were asked to do, and our work was validated by people who know much more than we.Someone asked how it felt to present our work and see it validated?I said, "indifferent." The person became curious and asked why. I replied, "What feels amazing is that our team of scrappy, creative, and eccentric people met 3 months ago and decided how, when, and that we were going to start on this journey; today someone told us that we took the right path."If you can decide how you will start, you win.

When I hike through the woods, I trip when I take my eyes off what's directly in front of me. If my eyes wander from their field of vision into the past, present, or future I will miss a step and slip.Hiking is an invitation to see only what's right in front of you. A discipline to address each step in accordance with how nature presents herself. As I'm writing it, I'm thinking about accompanying a singer.A good accompanist knows how to quickly interpret the music, assess what the artist is doing in front of you, breathe with them, and address the next note in a complimentary manner.The holidays can be the same.As stressful as this time can be, it's only a moment of time.It is not the holidays of years past, and it never will be. It's the holiday of now.It's not the "last" time to spend with someone, it's "a time" to spend with someone.It's not "how many holidays we have left" time, it's "the holiday we have now" time.It's not the "I hate the holidays because we always argue" time, it's the "in the past we've argued, and it's possible we might not" time. I hope that's the case.Hiking, accompanying an artist, leading a team, and enjoying a holiday is about celebrating the present - what's right in front of you now.We pervert the experience and fall when we attempt to relive the past, and live the future. Neither past or future are present.Enjoy the journey.

Do you realize that 17-18 year old teenagers in the United States are making decisions that business leaders would never give to a newly-minted supervisor?That $18,000 to $100,000 decision is where to go to college. Consider that their decision may live with them well beyond the time they complete school. (Shout out to MATC for their "alternative to crushing debt.") Based on the dollar amount alone, I would never ask an associate at my workplace to make that kind of decision on the behalf of the business. If you were a manager, would you?This post is not about college. It's about debt.Every decision we make comes with a debt.If I invite you to come over for dinner, you have a debt to respond to me in the form of time and effort. If you decide to show up, you have a debt of time, money, and energy being in my company (that could require a lot of energy on your part.). Are you willing to take on that debt? And, do you even consider that debt when making the decision?If you choose to accept a gig, you have accepted a debt. Debt in the form of time required to drive to the gig, play it, or move equipment. Debt in the form of energy being around others, playing music, moving your equipment.If you choose to accept a job, you have accepted a debt. In exchange for money you offer your time and (depending on the job) your "proverbial" life.Making decision is an art. It's art that is not just in the act of deciding, but also weighing the options. What you want and need to do against what it will require of you to do it. Too often, we don't consider the full picture.Make more decisions, andChoose wisely.Apologies for being out a few days: had a stomach bug. All better!

If you are scared to start or confront something, it's because our friend Fear got in your head. What did your "friend" keep you from doing?Improving a relationship?Writing the next greatest novel?Making change happen at work?Taking that job offer?Meeting a new friend?Breaking up with an unhealthy one?Putting your hat in the ring for a promotion?There are so many things you could do, and how many of them do you not do because you are afraid?The voice in your head that's telling you to play it safe, is trying to protect you. But you get to be the decision-maker in your life. You get to listen to all the points of view - if you want to - and then you get to decide.What great things could you have done had you not given into fear?

I have a special skill as a pianist - I am a highly effective sight-reader. What does that mean? A singer/artist can put a piece of music in front of me and I can quickly understand what needs to be done and render a performance (at sight - without preparation) as if I've played the piece my entire life. There pianists who exercise that skill much better than I, but I am particularly good at it.That skill is not an innate skill - it needs to be practiced... and practiced in a specific way.Like learning to ride a bike, the only way you get better at sight reading is by sight reading; and doing it under pressure.You need to train your mind to do four things:Consume and make sense of an enormous amount of information;Relate what needs to be done to what you can do; and finally,Decide what you will do and accept the outcome (good or bad) in advance.Reflect on what you could do better next time, and move on.Building self-confidence is no different.Understand what needs to be done to the best of your ability.Relate what needs to be done to what you know how to do.Decide what you will do, accept the outcome in advance, and do it.Reflect on what worked, what didn't, and commit to doing better next time.The work of the artist is the work of creating, and creating is deciding.To be more confident in you and your art: create more decisions, learn, and do it again.Just like learning how to ride a bicycle.