Brady Helps

I came across this video (Youtube) today while reading the news.

I know masks are a passionate topic. I'm not going to write about masks nor the pros/cons of wearing one.  

I'm going to write about care.

As I'm watching the video, what struck me most was how others responded to customers who got into a fight.  

A supervisor/manager of some kind let the customer who threw the other down walk right by them. Were they in shock? Scared? Wanted to be out of the way? 

What about how others reacted to the customer that was down on the ground?  

Why did no one respond?

• Better to not do anything and wait for the police to arrive. Right?  
• Don't get involved, it's not our fight. Right?I
• t's not our place, the store employees are trained for this. Right?

But look at how the store employees reacted.  

Look at how the company responded - no comment.  

In the age we live in, it's tough to take a stand - to assert your belief. Someone from the other side will quickly tear you down, shame you, and possibly incite others to shun you. Who wants that?  

Quite frankly, I'm okay being shunned.  

And quite frankly, I'm okay asserting my belief.  

And I believe we let down the injured customer.  

Because showing a bit of care, even just to walk over and be present with someone in need, doesn't cost anything.  

And if it does, it was the right thing to do.  

We live in a world where fear keeps us from seeing others, confronting problems, and being present with one another.  

Fear keeps us from caring.  

What are you so afraid of?

Not an easy thing to do!  And it's something I'd almost recommend people do at least once in their life.  I never hoped to have the kind of career where I'd be rising up the corporate ladder. If you know me, you know that's not my personality. I want to be tied to something bigger, a change, a positive impact, a mission.  Reinventing myself has forced me to think about that mission - who am I serving? Why? And how do I serve them?  I'm often wondering how to use intuition and diverse experiences to help people in my current city. oI've never had to "pick an industry" before. Now, people want to know what industry (read: tribe) I belong to.  I've never had to identify "my ideal role titles." Now, people want to know what function I want to play in society.  Being eclectic is a privilege.  It's a privilege to not have to define yourself by such strict measures.  I'm thankful for the life I have had and the one I continued to live. I'm also thankful to be able to work towards helping others.  Reinventing one's self is hard, generous, and fulfilling work.  If you're in that stage of your life, don't give up.

"In writing, habit seems to be a much stronger force than either willpower or inspiration. Consequently there must be some little quality of fierceness until the habit pattern of a certain number of words is established. There is no possibility, in me at least, of saying, 'I’ll do it if I feel like it.' One never feels like awaking day after day. In fact, given the smallest excuse, one will not work at all. The rest is nonsense. Perhaps there are people who can work that way, but I cannot. I must get my words down every day whether they are any good or not." - John Steinbeck The key to doing anything with any degree of skill is to show up.

Extreme tribalism is a danger.  And this form of tribalism is born from hurt.  My sister was recently dumped by a guy.  The reason was that she's not Hispanic enough.Are you kidding me?She's not Hispanic at all. Nor is she white. She's just Maria!  And the person who dumped her wanted to be with someone who was more in touch with their culture.  The problem for Maria, myself, and those like us, is simple. We do not live in our birth culture. We grew up differently. But, the culture we grew up with is ours.  So for someone to say, "You need to be more in touch with your culture," is inherently false.  ===Here’s another example: have you seen people write on Facebook, "Well if you don't agree with me, I'm done being your friend. Just un-friend me now!"?  I have seen that, more times than I care to mention. And its a result of hurt.  And, as you can see with my sister, it's playing out in relationships.  ===To be part of a tribe is to be part of a culture. The extreme version of that is to shun and create war. We’re in a state where many tribes are hurting. And when our tribe is hurt, we come to the defense/offense. And when we do that, we start digging our heels in and creating a wall between us and the others.But you can change that. It doesn’t have to be that way.Keep still, watch, and remember, you create your own culture.  You can create a culture where it’s okay to be different.You can create a culture where the other side matters, too.You can create a culture where to be inclusive means to acknowledge the truths of everyone.Nelson Mandela did this with the Truth & Reconciliation Commission. We can do it , too.

When 3:30 pm / 4:00 pm rolls around, are you tired? I sometimes get that way. Especially if I've been productive. That's a moment to listen to your body. Take a walk. Step away. Recharge. Rest. You did something good today.

And do you really care? If you're spending 100 hours on "just getting by," you're going to be great at surviving, but are you thriving?If you're spending 100 hours learning a new instrument, you're going to get pretty good.If you're spending 100 hours writing your thoughts, you'll become more skilled at transferring your ideas to others.Where are you spending your 100 hours?Is it something that you really want to master?If it is, keep it up and share!If it's not, what's keeping you from the work that matters?

Real Change is a(n):Mindset shift.Endeavor.Effort.Long-game.Difficult conversation.Empathetic ear.Opportunity to see yourself.Opportunity to see others.Open-Minded experience.Uncomfortable situation.You can do all of the "self-help" you want to do. Buy all of the productivity journals. Tell yourself and others that "you'll change." But it's not easy. It's all uncomfortable.  We're not made to embrace things that are not comfortable. We want to do what's easiest. Quickest. Out of sight, out of mind. We avoid.  If you want to change or want to help others change, you'll need to do the hard, generous, and consistent work required.There are no shortcuts.And it's worth it.

I'm not always the best at slowing down.I like to have something to do - to "feel" productive.This past weekend I did practically nothing... I read blogs, I watched movies, I made pork adobo.The human-animal has three modes of doing things:WorkRestPlayThis weekend taught me that I work and play too much and rest too little.  Which mode are you stuck on too much?Here’s a simple pork or chicken adobo recipe. If you like Filipino food.Sautee lots of garlic and onions in a fat of your choice.Add meat of your choice.Stew it for 15-30 minutes (your choice)Add soy/toyo sauce.Stew it more.Add vinegar - Don’t TOUCH IT after you’ve added vinegar.Stew it more.Enjoy. Recipes are a metaphor for life. Keep it simple. Take your time, rest, and enjoy. Just like the above mentioned weekend ;-)

"Doing 'almost nothing' is much better than doing nothing. Because if you did nothing, you'd die." — Dad

Weeks ago, my sister received a COVID-19 test.

She got the test because a co-worker's parents, sadly, tested positive for the virus. Upon this discovery, my sister's world changed. She would be isolated in the basement for 72 hours while her test results were being processed. She received cooked food on the regular, thanks to her big bro. She laid on the pull out bed. Caught up on work. And, mostly, did nothing.  

Did this drive my sister nuts?

Are you kidding me? If sitting around all day could be a business, my sister would be the world's leader! She loves to do nothing!

This is not an indictment on my sister.

In fact, I admire her for her ability to completely detach and veg out.  I told my Dad.

Me: "Dad, I'd like to be more like Maria, and get better at doing nothing from time to time."

The response:

“Mowing the lawn is a mindless activity that's ‘almost nothing’. Getting bored to get ideas is ‘almost nothing’. Taking a walk is ‘almost nothing’. Doing 'almost nothing' is much better than doing nothing. Because if you did nothing, you'd die." - John Brady 7/22/2020

Why does this matter?  

Because "almost nothing" is the groundwork upon which new ideas are born. It's a mindful activity that allows you to clear your mind and be present. To do what my sister does so well, detach and ready your intention for what's next.  

We don't want to be like Icarus and fly too close to the sun. Instead, just close enough where we can feel the warmth.  The pursuit of "almost nothing" is the same.

There’s an argument for intentionally getting bored (read: “almost nothing”).It rides the edge between meaningless and profound.  

My Dad is sometimes (he might argue: often) profound.  

You can read more of my dad here.

Don't try to win!  You won't! It's not worth it!  Trust me!Having said that, if I were in a debate with a friend, here's what I'd ask:What has to happen for you to change your mind? What standard of proof, from what source, is sufficient for us to accept that something we're sure wasn't true, is true?I don't know if you've noticed, but we're in the age of passive-aggressive, or straight-up aggressive online debate.  Suddenly our friends are infectious disease experts, political scientists, strategists, global warming experts, sociologists, or anthropologists. I know there's a subtext in how I phrased my last point.  If you're like me, you might be sick of it.  I'm sick of seeing friends put themselves and their beliefs out there and then get trolled, or worse, pulled into arguments where neither side seeks common ground, but rather, to dig in their heels.  Here's my take:We all have different beliefs, stories, and lives - see sonder.Culture improves when we adopt the posture of curiosity and possibility - let's look to learn from each other and be fascinated by what we discover.If you're going to assert a belief, be willing to have it challenged. And be okay with it. Consider asking the questions above to those that would challenge you, and truly, to yourself.  If I've learned anything from my time on this earth is that winning doesn't matter. This thought comes to you from a person raised by fiercely competitive lawyers. They bred an even more fiercely competitive son.  The questions come from Seth Godin's recent blog post, check out his work. And, the thoughts on winning come from personal failures and learnings as a human. Please, help others.