Brady Helps

Real Change is a(n):Mindset shift.Endeavor.Effort.Long-game.Difficult conversation.Empathetic ear.Opportunity to see yourself.Opportunity to see others.Open-Minded experience.Uncomfortable situation.You can do all of the "self-help" you want to do. Buy all of the productivity journals. Tell yourself and others that "you'll change." But it's not easy. It's all uncomfortable.  We're not made to embrace things that are not comfortable. We want to do what's easiest. Quickest. Out of sight, out of mind. We avoid.  If you want to change or want to help others change, you'll need to do the hard, generous, and consistent work required.There are no shortcuts.And it's worth it.

I'm not always the best at slowing down.I like to have something to do - to "feel" productive.This past weekend I did practically nothing... I read blogs, I watched movies, I made pork adobo.The human-animal has three modes of doing things:WorkRestPlayThis weekend taught me that I work and play too much and rest too little.  Which mode are you stuck on too much?Here’s a simple pork or chicken adobo recipe. If you like Filipino food.Sautee lots of garlic and onions in a fat of your choice.Add meat of your choice.Stew it for 15-30 minutes (your choice)Add soy/toyo sauce.Stew it more.Add vinegar - Don’t TOUCH IT after you’ve added vinegar.Stew it more.Enjoy. Recipes are a metaphor for life. Keep it simple. Take your time, rest, and enjoy. Just like the above mentioned weekend ;-)

"Doing 'almost nothing' is much better than doing nothing. Because if you did nothing, you'd die." — Dad

Weeks ago, my sister received a COVID-19 test.

She got the test because a co-worker's parents, sadly, tested positive for the virus. Upon this discovery, my sister's world changed. She would be isolated in the basement for 72 hours while her test results were being processed. She received cooked food on the regular, thanks to her big bro. She laid on the pull out bed. Caught up on work. And, mostly, did nothing.  

Did this drive my sister nuts?

Are you kidding me? If sitting around all day could be a business, my sister would be the world's leader! She loves to do nothing!

This is not an indictment on my sister.

In fact, I admire her for her ability to completely detach and veg out.  I told my Dad.

Me: "Dad, I'd like to be more like Maria, and get better at doing nothing from time to time."

The response:

“Mowing the lawn is a mindless activity that's ‘almost nothing’. Getting bored to get ideas is ‘almost nothing’. Taking a walk is ‘almost nothing’. Doing 'almost nothing' is much better than doing nothing. Because if you did nothing, you'd die." - John Brady 7/22/2020

Why does this matter?  

Because "almost nothing" is the groundwork upon which new ideas are born. It's a mindful activity that allows you to clear your mind and be present. To do what my sister does so well, detach and ready your intention for what's next.  

We don't want to be like Icarus and fly too close to the sun. Instead, just close enough where we can feel the warmth.  The pursuit of "almost nothing" is the same.

There’s an argument for intentionally getting bored (read: “almost nothing”).It rides the edge between meaningless and profound.  

My Dad is sometimes (he might argue: often) profound.  

You can read more of my dad here.

Don't try to win!  You won't! It's not worth it!  Trust me!Having said that, if I were in a debate with a friend, here's what I'd ask:What has to happen for you to change your mind? What standard of proof, from what source, is sufficient for us to accept that something we're sure wasn't true, is true?I don't know if you've noticed, but we're in the age of passive-aggressive, or straight-up aggressive online debate.  Suddenly our friends are infectious disease experts, political scientists, strategists, global warming experts, sociologists, or anthropologists. I know there's a subtext in how I phrased my last point.  If you're like me, you might be sick of it.  I'm sick of seeing friends put themselves and their beliefs out there and then get trolled, or worse, pulled into arguments where neither side seeks common ground, but rather, to dig in their heels.  Here's my take:We all have different beliefs, stories, and lives - see sonder.Culture improves when we adopt the posture of curiosity and possibility - let's look to learn from each other and be fascinated by what we discover.If you're going to assert a belief, be willing to have it challenged. And be okay with it. Consider asking the questions above to those that would challenge you, and truly, to yourself.  If I've learned anything from my time on this earth is that winning doesn't matter. This thought comes to you from a person raised by fiercely competitive lawyers. They bred an even more fiercely competitive son.  The questions come from Seth Godin's recent blog post, check out his work. And, the thoughts on winning come from personal failures and learnings as a human. Please, help others.

The other night, before I slept, I found myself scrolling through apps on my phone. Have you ever done this? I was exhausted.  My body was ready for sleep.My mind was ready to sleep.Yet, my fingers kept scrolling. As if they were searching for some mythical fountain of youth.  I paused.  I asked myself, "what is this for?"The answer is simple - self-efficacy. Scrolling is for the feeling of accomplishment - "I found something!" It's for the dopamine hit that comes from completing a task.  When I came to this realization, I reminded myself of what I accomplished that day - the reasons I had earned an invitation to do it again the next day.Then, I fell asleep.

Quite frankly, I'm sick of feeling like I'm so different.My views are different.My last industry was too different.My approach to leadership is different.My approach to recruitment is different.My approach is different.My story is different.I am different.I know!  I know I'm different.  I literally blog about my awareness of my "different" almost every day.  And, I'm okay being different. So why am I bothered? Because I'd like others to be okay with my different, too.  Because I'm getting sick of the lip service about how people are "inclusive," but then use my "different" to discount my capability.Because I'd like others to see me the way I see them - for all they could be, would be and want to be if you only gave them the opportunity to show.  Is this a post asking for pity?  Hardly! No. I don’t need pity. I'm comfortable, and frankly proud, with and of myself.  This is a post that calls you to action.  To really think about the times when you look at others who are different, what aren't you seeing in them? Are you discounting them? Are you underestimating them?    You and I can't control how others see us. But, we can control how we see others.

Eventually, the terrain levels up.Maybe there's another hill.There might be rocks on the path.Maybe the angle of descent is too steep.Maybe you'll need to adjust your weight.What if you put your arms out?What if you slip and fall?What if you trip?I like hiking because it slows down the mind.I especially like hiking up and down hills.  Why?Because if you take your mind off what you're doing in-the-moment, you're sure to trip. There's no time for second-guessing, thinking too far ahead, or behind - there's only the moment in front of you. The minute you start thinking too far ahead, or too far behind, is the minute. And, nature has a funny way of keeping you in check.Consider a hike.

And I knew I would.

But I only knew I would miss yesterday's post at 8pm when I felt like passing out.

Yesterday was my baby sister's birthday.  

I keep forgetting that, though she's almost 10 years younger than me, she's still an adult. In my head, she's still my baby sister, running around with her little friends and doing what they do.  

In fact, what was in my head never happened.  

She invited over one friend and her friend's fiance.  She asked me to slow cook some ribs, make brats, and nachos.  

I acquiesced to her demands. I know that if she continues to experience how good a cook her brother is, any guy she might want to date will have a stringent standard to beat.  

Well, dinner turned out great. We enjoyed bratwurst, bread that I baked a day before, nachos, beer, and chocolate chip cookies that I baked earlier - the gooey kind with flakey sea salt. 

Looking back on yesterday, I didn't see my baby sis, I saw a woman trying to do something each day better than the day before. She's not always great at it, but she gets up and goes for the brass ring.  

I'd cook for her any day.  

Happy Birthday, Babes!

(I call her Babes because she's my baby sister. And she's a cry baby LOL!)

Also, here's a recipe for nachos.

• Sautee minced meat of any kind with onions, chilis, and anything else that you like that sautees well.
• Add spices to your taste.
• Melt cheese on top of it. You get to use whatever cheese suits you - I use blue.  
• Enjoy with any suitable service delivery item - such as chips, a spoon, or your hands.  

The best part of this recipe, you get to make it how you like it!

Also, the above picture is not Babes. But, it represents how she’d love to spend each day.

Why do the things that are so small cause so much fright?Things that create fright for many, but not for all:MiceCockroachesFliesAntsSpidersCentipedes and their cousinsWaspsBeesNeedlesVirusesFor me, it's spiders. I will literally turn over the entire house if I see a spider. Why?I am many times bigger than the spider.  I am quite a bit more lethal.I am privileged that I can get quality medical care if ever I should be bitten by one and need medical attention.  I think it's because small things represent big things in our minds.  A spider is not just a spider. It's something that can move around me without my noticing. A spider can land on me in my sleep and bite me (at least that's what I tell myself). A spider could create more spiders, and they'll land on me in my sleep and bite me.  Look at all of the levels of fear that I've created from a tiny insect?Quite honestly, writing it out my fears is helping me understand them a bit more.  What are you afraid of?

Ever hear the story about how, when a bear chases you through the woods, your fight or flight response kicks in?  This is not that story.It's the story of when the bear finally catches up to you.I stand corrected from an earlier post about shame.  In that post, I had written that shame doesn't serve a function. It does. The recommended tactic for surviving a grizzly bear attack is to put yourself low to the ground, bury your head, and place yourself in a position of shame/vulnerability.  This position is meant to signal to the attacking grizzly that you are not a threat and back off.  Shame is for grizzly attacks.  On a completely unrelated, yet related note, LinkedIn has offered a new feature. You can now place a friendly green circle on your name that signals you're #opentowork. As a recruiter, I find the green circle helpful. I instantly know who to help!  I posted my thoughts about the green circle here.  Here's what's interesting...The post was encouraging job seekers not to be ashamed of letting others know that they're looking to work.  The message of not being ashamed for who you are is so powerful that 7,000 others saw the post. It's trending as I write.  So here's what I don't get.Should we feel that letting others know we're looking for a job, publicly, is the equivalent of a grizzly bear attacking us? And, if so, why?  Why do we keep ourselves from doing things that matter to us? How can we be so afraid of ourselves?  Because we've been conditioned to fall in line.  Go to school.Get the job.Do the job.Put your head down, Get your raise, Get your promotion, Go home!I don't know about you, but I'm not playing that game.  My life is worth a bit more.Is yours?