Brady Helps

You'll often see me use the phrase, "Come Alive" when I write.  

Howard Thurman's quote, below, moved me when I first read it.  

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

I love this quote because I feel it clearly places us, the reader, in charge. Too often, we are influenced by the way others think of us, our failures, our shadows - but they are only shadows.  

• You have, within you, art that's waiting to emerge and do something remarkable for someone else.   
• You have, around you, people starving for you to spiritually feed them through your music.  
• You have, within you, the ability to make this change happen, to do the remarkable, to gather people to an experience that matters, and to be fully you - to come alive.  

There are others like you, scared to take the leap. They share your concerns. I know, I've helped many. You're not alone.  

I believe in you, your capabilities, your audiences, and your art.     

Believe in yourself, your abilities, and your resolve.

You can serve others in a way that makes a difference.  

Come alive.

Have you been thinking about your goals for 2020 yet?  What's your five-year plan?Did you already book the gym membership?  Are you eating all the sweets now so that you can start fresh January 1?  In thinking about the new year, and its associated resolutions, I think about my last series on decisions.  Resolutions for the new year are bets on a future us. We're making a decision based on a "future version of ourselves" that we want to see. If you plan to improve your life, I am all for it - do it!However, I want to offer some help.Is this future you, a realistic you?  What's the likelihood that you'll fail? If you do fail, what's your recovery plan?Consider your past resolutions; have you kept them? What kept you from achieving your goals? What makes this year different? What contracts will you make with yourself when you face temptation? You will face temptation.Is the goal broad enough? Simple enough? Can you easily remember it?Have you enlisted the help of others? Who's keeping you accountable? Do you have a track record of holding yourself accountable?  I'm not trying to rain on your parade.  I want you to be successful.  I also want you to keep your expectations of yourself realistic, and I want you to do something you believe yourself to be able to, and desire, and need to do - I want you to come alive.

Did you avoid people? Do you know people that did? This blog is a simple reminder - expect the right things from the right people - mainly - yourself. You can't expect others to not bring up drama from years past. You can't expect others to help you wrap presents when you never asked. Others can't expect that if they cry loud enough, you will stop and help you. Instead, have a clear expectation of what you expect of yourself. Control yourself. Do the things that make you come alive. Step into 2020 with a renewed sense of your purpose. Step knowing that the right expectation is the one you hold for yourself. How do you expect yourself to act? Here’s a previous post about the Wrong Expectations.

I hope you've enjoyed reading this series on making better decisions. Reflecting, I've realized that making decisions is an art. We've examined having intention behind decision-making, thinking about how decisions impact the future, finding the benefit in past reflection, tactics for making better decisions, biases to check, and critical personal realizations - we don't know it all. The inspiration for this series comes from the book "Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don't Have All the Facts." by Annie Duke. If you found these insights useful to you, please share this blog with others. We need to build a tribe of people who are self-motivated to improve their lives, to create better art, and never to allow "good enough" to be okay. People like us, share meaningful work with others who can benefit. Consider joining others like you and sharing with five other people.

"Hindsight is 20/20." Have you heard this phrase?Hindsight bias is dangerous - watch out for it.  Realize, in life, the odds are not in your favor. You will lose so much more than you'll win. Like gambling, the house will always win - the house is "life."  You can keep your "I-knew-it-all-the-time" bias in check by accepting that you did not. You will only ever have the facts that you see in front of you right now, you can project yourself into the future and the past, but in the moment is where decisions are made.  Take accountability for yourself, how you allow life to impact you, and what data you consider when making decisions.  A gentle reminder, from me to you:You do not know it all.If you didn't listen to your intuitions, that's on you.You're not always right.  Your 20/20 hindsight doesn’t help.Your actions determine your life.No one "made you" do it.  Stop it.Oh, and also, I still love you.Please love yourself, you're worth it.

I wish I employed this tactic more in previous roles. Have you heard the "7-Habits of Highly Effective Leaders" adage, "start with the end in mind?" I read this book in college and a few times since. As I write, I'm deciding to reread it soon. Okay, so what happens if the end was a failure? We always want to see the most optimistic results for ourselves - a win. Well, imagining failure would also be an encouraging result - we'd learn what did not work, that's something. Don't desire for failure, don't wish for your efforts not to produce results that push a team forward. If your leaders, people that you are accountable to, desire a specific outcome - make it happen. But if you have doubts, leverage them - consider what would happen if your efforts failed. Tap into "Future You," see the failure, consult with your decision tribe, and work the problem.

If past portends the future, I know, without a doubt, that if I go into a custard shop, I will most likely buy a custard. I don't need a custard.  Moving forward, I'm making a contract with myself.  Since I know my temptation to want to buy a custard as I enter the custard shop, I will commit to asking for water. I will also commit to being okay with my friend(s) eating custard in front of me. In spite of how tempting it might be to want to join them.  Make a Ulysses Pact with yourself to help with decisions. Sometimes deciding in advance makes all the difference. Custard, iced cream and gelato’s love child, is my siren. Wish me luck ;-)

Simon Sinek recently wrote a book called "The Infinite Game." I've heard his speech on "Infinite Games," and I am sure the book follows the same lines. The premise is, think long-term to achieve short-term results. To be mission-oriented instead of results-oriented. As I reflect on the past, I believe I made the fail of being too mission-oriented - I didn't leverage the short term, I didn't think in 10s. Lesson learned. Seeing only the long game doesn't help, but seeing only the short can be ruinous. Today, do your best to balance long-term gains and short-term wins. If you can find, and keep, the balance you'll make better decisions.

Another tool you can help "Future" and "Past" you make better decisions is to think in 10s. As developed by author and journalist Suzy Welch, in her book, "10-10-10: A Life-Transforming Idea," when faced with tough in-the-moment decisions, consider the below process. "What are the consequences of each of my options in ten minutes? In ten months? In ten years?" Thinking about "Past You," try this version of the question out. "How would I feel today if I made this decision ten minutes ago? Ten months ago? Ten years ago?" (Reprinted from "Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don't Have All the Facts" by Annie Duke (c) 2018 by Anny Duke, p. 188) It's almost as if you are regretting the decision before you've made it. How powerful is regret to you? Is it so powerful that you'd avoid making a decision to prevent making that feeling real for you? Avoid the feeling of regret, avoid the avoidable mistakes, and consider thinking in 10s.

In the same that you can project yourself into the future, don't forget to project yourself into the past.

A while ago, I helped my sister using this tool. She was contemplating an important life decision. I asked her if she could remember the "Past Her" that made this decision in the past, she could.

I asked her what "Past Her" would say to "Future Her." She then went on to think about the mistakes she made, available data at the time, and how she would make a different decision in the future. Back to (the) "Future Her."

We explored the scenarios that "Future Her" would be happy, disappointed, or indifferent.  We discovered that only walking away from the opportunity would lead to the probability of "Future Her" being happy. R

eflect on the past and project your learnings into the future. You'll see the path ahead of you now - in the present, with more detail and clarity.

Make the introduction, "Future You, meet Past You."