Brady Helps

Improve your decision-making by breaking all the laws of time travel - meet your past and future self! Since December of last year, I had been planning to leave Miami and return home. In my head, I had a picture of "Future Me" being happier being closer to family and the ones I most deeply loved. Or, for contrast, since December of last year, I had been planning to leave Miami and return home. In my head, I had a picture of "Future Me" being confused about what to do next, though happier being closer to family, I would be entering into a new chapter. Truthfully, I met both versions of "Future" me last December. I hoped to find the "Happier Future Me," which I did. Okay, now how about life decisions that might not be so happy? I've met tons of musicians that seek work on cruise ships. They want to get away, pay down debts, travel a bit, and they feel they're going to be "happier." Then, they find out what it's all about - port manning, extra duties, etc. - while on the gig, and end up being miserable. Did they make the wrong decision? No! They took "a" decision, which led them to an upset version of themselves - the one that doesn't like the extras but wants to play. If the individual had spent more time meeting their "future" selves, perhaps they would have reconsidered? Break the rules of time travel. Project yourself into the future to meet your "future self." If possible, try to channel "Bob" and see all of your future versions. Then, come back to the present and make a bet.

If Bob is the messenger that's often shot down and "Truth" is the skeptic, then I am the proverbial, "bull-in-a-china-shop."  In the past, I've too often sought truth and offered opposing views with direct, blunt, and relentless drive. As you can imagine, like the others, I've been misunderstood as well.  Today I'm sharing some tactics that people like us, the skeptics, the messengers, and the bulls can use to help others.  "Yes. And..." When someone is telling you something, and it's clear another point of view is needed, agree to those things that make sense to you and then offer another point of view. "Yes, I agree that having an alternative point of view is essential. And have you considered 'XYZ'?" Ask permission. "Thanks for sharing your thoughts, may I offer another point of view that might help?"  Remind yourself of your purpose. "I know my boss just told me something disagreeable. At this moment, I expect myself to be helpful and offer insights that push their agenda forward."Focus on the future. Focus on helping others improve their decision-making for the future. No need to rehash past outcomes, focus on offering new ways to think.  Don't judge. Sometimes people have ideas that run contrary to our own. Find other Truths, Bobs, or Bulls and ask them to challenge you!  Nudge. I'm guilty of bulldozing when nudging would have been a more effective strategy. Someone has to want to take a step, all you can do is show the path ahead.Of course, if you're part of a Decision Tribe, then be all you can be to question, challenge bias, and leave personal feelings at the door. However, when speaking to others outside of the group, consider the above methods. Had I known these years ago, I would have saved myself some unnecessary headaches.  There is a special place for the Bobs, the Truths, and the Bulls in this world. We offer a useful counterbalance.  For those like us, consider these tactics to help you come across better to those you seek to serve.

Skeptics get a bad wrap. Like Bob, I worked with another individual who was a truth-seeker. I'll call this individual, Truth. Truth was an optimist in the sense that Truth desired for quality, the right thing to be done, and believed a more honest world was a better world. I agree. Like Bob, Truth was often misunderstood for being skeptical, dark, and scary. Skepticism gets a bad rap. Too often, we dismiss skeptics as being "negative," nay-sayers, dark-minded, but they're not. They're truth-seekers. The skeptics, truth-seekers, in your life want to see you do the right thing for yourself. A skeptic desires you to consider all the facts, operate with integrity, be real enough to admit your faults, and earnest enough to do better next time. Don't discount the truth-seekers. People like Truth, similar to Bob, bring meaning to your life. If you're reading - thank you, Truth.

I say this over and over again, "It's challenging to change one's mind." However, I have a tactic you can use to make it less. Think about the last time someone gave you a piece of advice. Go a step further, think about the time when the insight given you immediately dismissed in your head. How did you respond? Did you consider the opinion? With what level of skepticism? Now, imagine yourself in that situation again. But this time, explain to yourself why the other person is right. Almost as if you're saying, "Of course, Bob is right. Here's what Bob is saying, and here's why his logic makes sense, and I can see how it leads to Bob's outcome." Will you become a Bob convert? No. However, you will be more likely to see Bob and his point of view a bit better. You can put your bias in check by projecting yourself into those trying to help you. Thinking about your helpers, tell yourself their story, from their perspective, and using their intended outcome. You can even use this tactic to help others. Ask them to explain, out loud, why your point is valid as if they were you. We can meet in the middle when we start telling ourselves the story others are trying to share with us. Nowadays, I think we could all benefit from meeting in the middle just a bit more.

I did not spin my result in yesterday's blog. Those of you who know me might say I manipulated the answer because I like to be "right." Well - you're mistaken; I did not.Yesterday, I contended that the outcome doesn't matter when evaluating decision-making processes. I maintain this position. The goal is to engage in better reflection, especially about our past decisions, so that we can do better in the future. If we remove the idea from our head that we were "right" or "wrong," as it relates to our outcomes, we'll see that improvement. Perhaps, your reflection will reveal flaws in your process. You'll see confirmation bias at work, and in the future, you'll need to be aware. Maybe you'll realize that one data point didn't matter, but another did. In life, once you have your "north" set, then your focus needs to be on the journey. If all you do is see "north," but cannot see the road immediately in front of, on both sides of, or behind you, you'll never orientate yourself to success. I'm not spinning when I say you were 30% right. I'm showing you a way to think about being 70% more right the next time around.

When reflecting on past decisions, do the outcomes matter? If every outcome has a probability of being a "win" or a "loss" for you, I'll let you define what that means, then isn't the process of how you came to win or lose more critical in determining future outcomes? The process is more important. Here's why.Luck is outside of our control. So any intervening act outside of your control, which influences your outcome, cannot be factored into a reflection. Therefore, we may only consider what was within our control, the data we had, and what bets we made at the time we took a decision. If you consider the intended outcome when reviewing the data, your bias - and the bias of others reviewing the decision - will cause you to misinterpret the data against the final result. We don't want this bias - it's doesn't help. If you gave yourself a 70% chance of achieving your outcome, and you did not, were you wrong? Or were you 30% right ;-)

There was an individual who worked with me. This individual spent years with the company, a strong leader, an individual I would often seek advice from because they saw what others didn't. I'll call this individual - Bob. Bob's depth of experience enabled him to see things coming that could be disastrous. Perhaps we were trying something we've already done before, not changing the way we did it, and hoping for a different result? Bob could see that and often advised. Bob did have a problem. Bob had a reputation for being a talker and a nay-sayer. The leaders I reported to often discounted Bob's advice. Their reasons? Bob "over-complicated" or "talked too much." Bob knew this, and it frustrated Bob, it also frustrated me. When you shoot the messenger because you don't like the messenger, you end up killing their message with it - don't! The insights brought to bear may save a project, save time, heck - even save money! You could argue that Bob did have to own his reputation. Yes, he did. Bob had self-awareness. Bob worked on himself and made improvements. To this day, I'm proud of Bob. Without him, I wouldn't have become a more well-rounded leader. He could put me in check, reshape my thoughts, and help me see what I couldn't. Bob's a good guy. For you, try not to shoot the Bobs. They can enrich your life, your skills, and your decision-making in ways you couldn't understand. Instead, be generous, help the Bobs be better communicators. If you're reading - Thank you, Bob ;-)

When you invite others to reflect on a past decision with you - share all of the details. Even the details you left out of your thinking, share them. If ever you had a doubt, share the doubts you had. Especially if you're creating a decision-making tribe, the tribe owns the data - share it all. I encourage you to be transparent because the devil is in the details! The information we choose to accept because it confirms our bias, or ignore because it challenges our bias, drives a large part of our decision-making process. As a result, that information must be on the table for discussion when employing others to reflect with you. You're going to find this to be a challenge. I do - every day! It requires vulnerability.Do you like to be wrong? No. Do you enjoy it when people illustrate how you missed something? Hardly ever, I'm sure. How do you see yourself when someone exposes your bias? Unsure, upset, unwilling to accept - all of the above? If you want to be a better decision-maker, share all of the data with your tribe. Let them press for more, and be willing to put all your cards on the table. Only then, after sharing it all, will you start to see growth within yourself. Share it all.

A weekend-warrior magician and sociologist named Robert K. Merton pioneered an idea of an epistemic community around the norm of CUDOS. Communism (data belongs to the group),Universalism (apply uniform standards to claims and evidence, regardless of where they come from),Disinterestedness (vigilance against potential conflicts that can influence the group's evaluation), andOrganized Skepticism (discussion among the group to encourage engagement and dissent).(Reprinted from "Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don't Have All the Facts" by Annie Duke (c) 2018 by Anny Duke, p. 154)I believe that one of the biggest threats to our world, especially the corporate world, is the lack of dissent, skepticism, or a willingness to challenge belief. I'd love to build a tribe, I think I just might, of people who want to help others make better decisions. Here's how it might look, using the above CUDOS model.Tribal leadership is to bring people together and maintain the rules. An individual presents a recent decision they made, what led to it, what facts they considered when making the decision, and would avoid sharing the results (more on this later) - this data now belongs to the group.Group members proceed to question - "What drove you to consider this fact and not another?" "What would you do differently?" "It appears your bias got the better part of you in this part, would you agree? Why or why not?" Members approach their thoughts from a "facts-only" point-of-view; they do not allow bias to enter the conversation. Each individual, set of facts seen or unseen, and all decisions receive equal, unbiased, impartial, and fair treatment. The goal is to learn from the decision-making processes of others. Also, the presenter learns from the thoughts of the questioners; a win-win! I may create a group like that. If you're interested, let me know. There's a possibility it could fail, but there's also a possibility it could become an excellent experience. It's a bet I might be willing to take.

In the same way that one goes to the gym with a buddy, create a small tribe of people to support better decision-making. Find two or four other people. Agree to connect on a semi-regular basis. Share your wins, losses, and the decisions you took. Allow your friends to question your choices, offer alternatives, and push your critical thinking to the max. Besides improving your ability to be vulnerable, you'll see improvements with your ability to accept feedback, offer feedback, and make better decisions. Learning is better together.