Brady Helps

When we look at the world around us, our decisions, the acts of others, and associated outcomes, we will often see them as "right" or "wrong." Perhaps not quite absolute, but maybe? Ever watched another musician and thought, "I wouldn't do it that way," or, "s/he made an 'interesting' choice?" It's almost as if we watch others through our lense, and our lense is always "right." We are all entitled to opinions. Not everything we see, hear, or taste will align with our beliefs or those sets of rules that govern our world view. However, when it comes to learning from others, these beliefs can get in the way. I love watching other piano players. I can find a million things I'd like to lift from someone's solo/style for my music. However, I have sometimes found myself making "judgmental" statements, as I above illustrated. When I make those statements, even in my head, learning stops. Learning stops because I've started seeing someone's work not for what it is, but for what I think it should be. Instead of being the proverbial sponge, I am "judge and jury." Be a sponge. Watch to learn. Suspend judgment. Absorb all you can from another.Apply your learnings to your life.Come alive.

No one likes to lose - humans are fiercely competitive. We're wired that way - survival of the fittest.  We want to do our best work, be recognized for our efforts, feel that people care about us, receive rewards for our efforts - we want to win. There's nothing wrong with wanting to win. However, it's not helpful to avoid acknowledging that the “drive to achieve” exists.  Below are examples of statements I've heard from musicians describing their ideas of success."I want to be the best session bassist in the world.""I want to be the first-call player for film scores.""I want to be the best vocalist with the cruise line.""I am the best soloist with the cruise line."  "How do I get to be the best DJ?"  No one ever says, "How do I become the best finder-of-mistakes-in-good-outcomes?"  "How do I become a better learner?"

"How do I become the best at catching learning opportunities without blaming myself or others?"

"How can I, in spite of my wins, always find a way to do things better?"

Acknowledge and leverage your primal desire to win and discover how to become the best learner possible. Focus on expanding your mind so that every experience - win or lose - is a learning occasion.

These questions were inspired by Annie Duke from her book, Thinking in Bets.

We left off with palms sweating, quick breathing, and my brain double-checking every last aspect of the individual I meant to show against the job requirements - perfect alignment. I presented the candidate. Friends, the frustration that comes from not achieving victory from a seemingly unwinnable beast is sizable. The hiring manager did not like the candidate! How? Why? What happened?! It is a fact that the candidate I put forward objective met every single test required. It is also a fact that I had a reliable process for determining whether or not the candidate would be a good fit. Lastly, it is a fact that bad luck heavily influenced my outcome. The hiring manager came to my meeting from an argument. Their low mood state, which I could not control, led them to see the world in the negative. Nothing was going to make this individual satisfied; none of my efforts mattered, and the fact that I found the person we needed was beside the point. The hiring manager's mood was outside of my control - bad luck. I had a reasonable chance of receiving approval to make an offer - perhaps a 90% chance. On that day, I ended up winning the 10% I didn't want. Yes, I could have taken steps to recover the meeting, I know. However, this entry is about luck - when factors outside of your control influence your outcome. In this instance, a negative influence. In spite of the bad luck, we can still find a silver lining. While "luck" heavily influenced the outcome, I know now that I could offer to schedule another meeting at a different time, or maybe change topics to something not related to my candidate, or listen to the hiring manager vent.While bad or good luck may influence your outcomes, never pass up the opportunity to learn and grow. Doing so enables you to come alive.

I've had moments where I've found the perfect candidate for an impossibly hard-to-fill position. There's an excitement that comes over a recruiter - like a dopamine rush.  I am quite sure it's the inner desire to win the seemingly unwinnable that amps me up. Or maybe it's the anticipated relief of being able to focus on something else?  I would have welcomed an opportunity to work on another position. This particular role required several skills that one does not find in a single individual. Highly technical, artistic, creative, and flexible - this position needed someone that could flawlessly execute four different skills, and each skill requiring the equivalent education of a college degree. We needed this individual for the launch of a new program. The hiring manager hoped this new program would answer an outspoken customer need. To find this individual was to find the diamond in the rough. I found one!I can recall the anxiety leading up to the moment when I would present the musician to the hiring manager. Palms sweating, quick breathing, and my brain double-checking every last aspect of the individual I meant to show against the job requirements - perfect alignment.  Then the moment of presentation.- Continued tomorrow.

Have you hit your head against the wall because your actions aren't getting the results you've wanted? Go a step further, when you've failed to be effective, do you first blame yourself and your skill? Or do you blame that which you're trying to change? The situation? Bad luck? Other people? The Weather? That which influences your ability to do anything but is outside of your control is "luck." Luck has nothing to do with skill. When you win or fail, before sulking or celebrating, first reflect on the skills you brought to bear and ask yourself, "How could I do it better?"Don't blame luck, others, or situations for that which you can easily control. Doing so will only lead to more failure. Instead, reflect. Seek out where you went wrong, ask others for feedback, allow yourself to be vulnerable, and improve. Your abilities to continuously learn from wins and losses, to seek out new knowledge, and to practice and apply new skills enables your ability to come alive.

Life is not chess. There are no absolutes. I use this example often - if life were chess and you jaywalked across the street, you'd always get hit by a car. But life is not chess. Life is full of probability. Before crossing the street, jaywalking, you notice that there are no cars in the distance on either side of you, it is probable you'll safely jaywalk across the street. On the contrary, if there appears to be a lot of fast traffic in both directions, the probability of a safe cross is less. Depending on what you choose to do, you may be safe, or you may not. However, in either case, it was the process of making the decision that informed your choice. Think of decisions and opinions like jaywalking. When you assert your beliefs about someone or something, consider the risk of being wrong. Here's an example."Given the piece's style, the composer's intent, and my skill, if I execute my work in 'XYZ' manner, I'll have a 70% probability of being successful." Is it possible you'd mess it up? Absolutely! 30% to be exact. However, does that mean the decision was wrong? No. "Given that the audience appears to want to dance, and I have lots of upbeat music to perform, I'll have a 90% probability of making my audience happy." Uh oh, your audience is worn-out, and they'd rather hear a slow song. Your decision-making process led you to a choice that worked; however, there were facts not in your field of view - the audience was ready for something quiet. Give yourself some grace. Think in probability. Give yourself a margin.There will always be facts that you don't see; that's okay. Focus on what's in front of you.Execute.

Yesterday I shared the importance of challenging one's self. To do so creates clarity and shapes your beliefs. You'll recall "beliefs" or "world views" govern our decisions. We may, or may not, accept or reject evidence to support our beliefs. When we find ourselves doubting our choices, it's a good time to check-in.   As promised, today, I'm sharing questions you can use to develop your thoughts and make better decisions.   How do I know what I believe?Where did I get the information that supports my belief?From whom did I receive the information?What is the quality of my sources?How much do I trust them?How up-to-date is my information?How much information do I have that relates to my belief?What other things like this have I been confident about that turned out not to be true?What are the other plausible alternatives?What do I know about the person challenging my belief?What is their view of how credible my opinion is?What do they know that I don't know?What is their level of expertise?What am I missing?Use these questions when you find yourself at a standstill. Here are some examples of people that might feel stuck.  To those musicians in grad school and deciding if they made the right decision: "Getting a master's degree is the best way for me to secure a secure future as a musician."  To those musicians on a cruise ship and deciding that a move back to land is a better idea: "Moving back to land-based work is the surest way to get my music out to the masses."  To those people looking to sell more of their product: "Connecting with as many people as possible will get me the social media reach I need to get ahead."  Challenge yourself regularly. Don't shy away from what you might uncover. You formed your belief system over time as a way to keep you safe. However, as the world and your life change - your beliefs may need to be reshaped as well.

When I recruited musical talent, I would work with agents. They, the agents, would pitch artists to me, I'd review their skill, and sometimes I'd clear them to move forward or would decline. Sometimes, the agents would push back on my decision to decline an artist. To say I experience a rush from people pushing back on my ideas, at least back then, would be an understatement. I thrived on the debate. When pressed, I would often ask an agent if they "would be willing to bet their business with me on this candidate?" Can you imagine the level of doubt that creates in the mind of the agent? Putting myself in their position, I don't know if I'd know how to answer. Too often, I believe agents said "yes" to get their person in-the-door; however, a few times, I think they cared about the artist. Nonetheless, it's quite a bet and one that makes you rethink your positions. I am willing to bet that life challenges you to rethink your beliefs more often than not. I'll go so far as to say you live in doubt about your life choices most of the time. Perhaps you enjoy this blog because you seek some clarity? To question one's self is to seek clarity. Seeking clarity helps you define the path forward. Tomorrow, I'll share some questions you can ask yourself to help reshape your beliefs, challenge yourself, and decide if you're willing to bet your life on a decision.

Your beliefs, how you see the world, rule the choices you make. No matter what facts I might present to you if your views do not accept my points, you will likely dismiss my point-of-view. Don't believe me?  Look at today's politics. Within the United States, some love President Trump and those that despise him. There are allegations that President Trump engaged in possibly illegal activity, and there are allegations that he's a victim of circumstance. Whatever point of view you take, you will likely believe one version of the story more than another in spite of any facts.  Our beliefs rule our choices because they help us shape our world. The world view we hold to be sacred is safe. This safety enables us to find others like us, do things that we believe people like us do and find our happiness. Our "safety" also informs how we make decisions.  When confronted with two equally suitable paths, you'll choose the one that most aligns with who you believe yourself to be. This process may seem complicated - especially when both options are good. Do yourself the favor of going with your gut - it's right. Your audience is no different.  When confronted with several options, they will choose the groups most aligned with who they believe themselves to be. How do you improve the odds someone will pick you?  You amplify yourself. Take who you are, what you believe, the message of your music, and shine a big light on it. Don't hide. Let people know this is "who" you are, "why" you matter, and that you are someone like them. The ones you serve will find you.

Daily, we make decisions to do or not do an activity based on the probability that our choice will lead to a "something better." In making decisions, we examine our future possibles a hundred different ways. In each outcome, we see ourselves. Are we happy? Are we successful? Does this future help us achieve what we need? Yes or no? In seeing the options, we then weigh which future is best. The best decision wins; we act. Every choice we make is a bet against ourselves. We are staking one version of our future selves against another; then, we make a choice made by the consideration of probabilities - are we better off or not? Your customers make bets. The choice to come and see you perform is a bet. We are staking the future self that enjoys experiencing live music against the one that is spending time doing something else; then, we make a choice. Is the version of ourselves that enjoys experiencing live music coming more "alive" than the version that would instead meet their friends for coffee? We can't answer that question for people. But we can show them that their decision to experience live music will create an intoxicating feeling they wouldn't want to miss. We make that plea through our invitation - see writings on gathering the tribe. For you, when it comes to deciding what to do or not do with your life, realize that you're only betting against one of several future versions of you. Don't overthink. Choose the path that makes you most come alive.