Brady Helps

My father would tell me, as a kid:

"God and 'me' make a majority." — John Brady, parent

He would later come to regret imparting this advice.

I am a principled individual. I strongly believe in my values. More often than not, I have done what I think is right in spite of the majority opinion. More often than not, I ruined relationships because I felt the other party violated a sacred belief - my opinion.

I am trying to point to a specific incident where my principles got the better of me. There are so many. What I can say is that each occurrence was small, at the moment, they were of no consequence. During these frictions, people would just accuse me of being difficult for the sake of it. I never felt like I was wasting my time; I passionately advocated for my position. I was making the best arguments! Just, no one cared.

Similar to my post on expectations, I couldn't expect people to live by the same beliefs I had. Also, I realized that work was not an all-or-nothing experience. There may be times when I would need to do things that weren't aligned - and it was okay. To have a belief is right, to hold on to it in spite of the world is wrong.

Instead of advancing my worldview, I was closing others to working with me. Instead of doing things that I felt were meaningful, my causes got pushed to the side. Instead of building better and better relationships, I was losing them.

Over the last several years, I've worked to make a change within myself. To be able to step back, let life get ahead of me, and then react. To temper and ignite my passions at the right moments. To continually look for a balance. My efforts paid off - I recruited and led an impactful team of engaged leaders who do amazing things.

For others who struggle with being stubborn, let's face it - we're stubborn, I encourage you to try and see the world from another's view. Be empathetic. Take the step to imagine what would happen if things didn't go your way. Go further, imagine things successfully working out through someone else's idea. Then, when you can do that, review your values and decide if it's right. Unless you're doing harm to someone, I bet you'll be fine. I am.

I used to own a music contracting agency. This type of business hires musicians for gigs — a broker. When I started this business, I was young - 18 years old. I started it because I had something other musicians didn't. I had access.  

If you're going to introduce a new product to the market, having access to the market is critical. Being able to connect others to your product or service leads to increased business. My problem was not the access; my problem was that I was aware others did not have the access I had.  

Going through music school, I never excelled at any one thing. Moderately okay jazz musician, I never dedicated myself to classical, and a half-decent sight reader - looking back at it, I wouldn't have been my first call. However, at the time, I felt I "should" be. Moreover, I felt those that didn't call, or those that were "purists," had no place doing work with me. Enter pride.  

Now with access to great gigs and influence, I could hold myself above others. I felt better than everybody else. I was not ashamed of demonstrating myself as being better than others. I felt those that had "poo-pooed" me earlier didn't "deserve" the benefit of my access - because now I was better. As a result, I did not give access, and I worked to create harms for them.  

As with all my failures, I soured relationships. Though more than a decade ago, my previous actions follow me to the present. I learned a harsh lesson as a young man: pride and revenge don't pay.  

The theme of this series is that failure is "failure" if you choose not to learn. I've learned.  

• There's never a reason to harm another person. Never. It doesn't matter how awful they were to you. We live in a climate where "punching back" is looked upon as good - it's not.
• Be generous with access. Access and influence are great if you'd like to control the market. However, I've found more fulfillment sharing access and power with others.
• The past does not portend the future. I live in the "present." Yes, in the past I have made many mistakes, who hasn't? Now, I can choose every action I take. For those that want to work with someone like me, I welcome them. For those that want to hold on to the past, that's okay; I'm not for them.
• Pride is good - but in balance. You're never better than anybody else - you're different. It's good to celebrate what you've done and what you've accomplished, especially when it helps others. It's not good to celebrate at the expense of others.

Too much pride creates too many troubles.  

Watch yourself.  

Help others.

When I used to be a bandleader, I had a terrible reputation as being a hard ass. I was. I dedicated my entire self and soul to the music I performed. I expected no less from those playing with me. That was my problem. My expectations did not allow for mistakes.  

Night after night, I demanded of myself flawless execution. There was never a reason not to do it right. One musician even asked me, "Brady, I don't know what you want from me." My response, "I want one thing, one thing. I want it right. Always."  

The problem with execution always being right is by who's standards are we using? Does everyone have the same standard? Did we all have the same education? No. No to all of the above. My failure was that I expected from each performer what I believed right for myself. I projected myself into each team member, and I saw the world from their eyes if they were me. In doing so, I lost would be friends.  

Budding relationships soured, and people dreaded working with me. Honestly, I would dread working with me. Nothing feels worse than feeling isolated aboard a ship in the middle of the ocean: no family, not many friends, and no work colleagues. I don't want you to pity me; I received the outcome I deserved. I've learned.  

Here are steps I take, now, to avoid these missteps:  

• Keep the big picture in mind. "What am I here to do?" "Who am I serving?" "Do they notice the mistake?" "Will it kill me?"
• Empathy. "This person just started; let me check-in at a break." "Person A, how did you feel about tonight's performance? What would you want to change?" "I noticed we didn't execute passage A as fluidly as we could, is there anything I can do to help fix it? What do you think you need to do?"
• Grace. "It's okay." "Mistakes happen." "No one is trying to ruin my day." "The person that made a mistake is someone's child, treat them with respect."
• Patience. "Rome wasn't built in a day." "The journey from where we are, to where we want to go begins with one step."
• Commitment. "I want to be a person in Person A's life that motivates them to do their best work. Afterward, I'll spend some time with them to learn more about who they are and what they want to do."
• Accountability. "I am accountable for what I allow to negatively or positively impact my mood and outlook." "How am I letting the world around me change me?"

I am proud of this failure. My ability to keep expectations in check has improved my relationships with others, and most of all, with myself.

If you know me, you know that lawyers raised me, two of them. It's almost like the wolf pack raising Mowgli. My parents bred me to be a fighter. I don't like this quality about myself. Well, no, I like it in balance.  

In the past, I was working for an organization where I felt we were overpaying for service. Moreover, I felt as if the vendors knew we were overpaying for the service. Then, my boss challenged me to cut the cost by almost 100%. Remember how I mentioned that I am bred to fight? Yeah.   

I became obsessed with doing whatever was possible to win. For me, winning was eliminating the vendor: not even a reduction, a total annihilation. I wanted this vendor, and others like them, completely wiped from our balance sheet, never to return. There was just one problem; these types of vendors supplied talent to our company.  

I ended up going on an aggressive recruiting spree. I built as many relationships as possible with colleges, musicians, influencers in different cities and countries, drummed up referrals, whatever was necessary to increase direct recruitment. For the individuals hired through our outside vendors, I still booked them. I didn't eliminate our team. But I did focus on retaining our direct recruits first. At the end of the year, we reduced our usage by almost 98%. Remarkable. But at what cost?  

I failed to calculate the human cost. I became consumed with winning at all costs that the people I had to care for came second. They, indeed, became numbers on a spreadsheet. It was not until later that I realized my failure.

An employee I had hired came up to me and let me know that their recruitment moment was the singularly most important moment of their life. The individual shared that my job offer brought them out of a depressing situation. Wow. I had that impact on another human being?  

Suddenly, all of the wins and cost savings meant nothing to me. It didn't matter how much we saved. What money we didn't spend translates as lives impacted. What caused me to miss the importance of others? What happened that I did not help people find other work? How could I let myself become so consumed?   

Needless to say, after much soul-searching, I would learn to do this much differently.  

• Communicate what's happening and what we're trying to do.
• Ask the team for their input and advice. Make the employees part of the solution.
• Develop better partnerships with vendors and have them unify around a common goal.
• Be mindful, self-aware, and temper the feeling to "win" and use that energy to "help" others.

Winning isn't winning if it costs your morality.  

"Winning" is a stop along a more infinite journey.  

Now, I'll focus on the journey.  

Now, I'll focus on others.

The only failure I know is the failure to embrace failure. When I used to lead a large department, I would ask the leaders that reported to me - how did you fail today? Would you be surprised to learn that no one enjoyed answering the question? Quite often, I would hear, "Well, I don't think I failed..." or, "I don't like how the word 'fail' sits with me." Okay, I get it. No one likes to think they failed. But, I believe it's the use of this harsh and extreme word that motivates us to profoundly think about our actions or inactions. It can't stop there, though. In my mind, the only time "failure" does not sit right is when I choose not to learn and change from my "failure." Or, when I decide not to learn my lesson. Learning the lesson is growth, and growth is life. Will Smith and David Goggins have commented on this topic a bit. I believe they, and others like them, are right. What they get, that I wish more people would, is that failure is to be embraced. To embrace failure is to embrace learning is to embrace life. I am all about "coming alive" and becoming a more effective version of yourself. For the next few days, I am going to share my own failures. What I learned and how I've turned many negatives into positives. I hope you'll consider following along.Also…if you know others that would find this content helpful, please be generous and share.

I believe that the best lessons are learned young.   Ever walk into an office, especially a doctor's office, and see diplomas upon diplomas on the wall? I believe part of the reason for hanging degrees relates to pride, and the other part relates to establishing trust. "Here, you can trust me, because I've gone to school for what I do, and I'm a professional." For those of us in professions where a degree may not be required, what do we have?  We have our experience.  We have a lifetime of working with other people - playing well with others.We have a lifetime of serving other people's needs - sitting and paying attention.We have a lifetime of demonstrating self-accountability - putting away our things.We have years developing our crafts - learning about and using colors.We have a lifetime of advocating for ourselves - knowing our names.I keep my kindergarten diploma on my wall. I do it as a reminder that the most effective ways of being are the simplest ways of being — no need to overcomplicate the simple. Everything you need, you learned in Kindergarten.

My Dad, now and then, drops these beautiful nuggets of wisdom.  He dropped this idea on me the other day. I found it helpful. Maybe you will, too?

"The best impressions are when people expect them the least." - John Brady

It doesn't take much to leave a good impression.

• Care.
• Be Thoughtful.
• Serve Others.
• Be Authentic.
• Don't Show Off.

Nobody expects this treatment from anyone. But, just because nobody expects it, doesn't mean you can't show it.

Do this all the time.

Leave a great impression.

I recently performed a search for a "wedding band" in Milwaukee using thebash.com. I went through this effort because I wanted to understand how other musicians represented themselves in the market.  Were they customer-focused?Were they selling an experience?Did their efforts prove profitable?I hypothesized that bands that differentiate themselves from the others, have a clear customer focus, will have more bookings per year than others. I believe I am right. Here's why.  The top 50% of bands all demonstrated the following:Unique musical offering - the top 20% included a mariachi band, Irish duo, Bahamanian inspired solo artist, gypsy jazz band, and a dixie group.A strong customer value proposition - the top bands made clear that the customer was the focus. The Bahamanian artist invites us on vacation with him using "Book your instant vacation now."Of the bands in the bottom 50%, 60% of them were industry averages. What's the industry average?Groups were describing themselves as "party" or "wedding" bands.Groups were selling the idea that they "play all things" for "all people."On average, these groups book one gig per year. Top performers book four gigs per year on average.Groups consistently messaged that they "customize to fit your need."I realize this is not a scientific study. These groups may book loads of gigs outside of the bash.com. However, Bash is an industry leader and requires an enrollment to be listed. If you're going to register yourself with an industry leader, wouldn't you want to differentiate yourself?  If you want to be like everybody else, do it. But, if you're going to make a difference in the world, do something different.Know what your audience needs and share it. Know the Question. Be the answer.Show Up. Bands on bash.com actively use the service. Whatever you choose to use, show up.If you're going to offer what everyone else does, offer it differently.Why be average?

A venue exists to serve.A venue serves those that want to connect with others like them and do things that others like them do.  Musicians exist to "serve" those served by the venue.  Therefore, for a musician to become a more valued business partner to the venue, they must find ways to create value.  For you to create value, you must be able to see - empathize - with the venue and their patrons. Here are some tactics you can use.  Regularly show up and meet people who patron the venue you intend to approach.Connect with patrons and learn their musical and non-musical interests.Know when the bar picks up and clears out.Learn the music people request over and over again from the jukebox.Identify the regulars.Identify new people and learn how often new people show up.If you've done your research well, you will know the type of people that show up, their interests, their values, their needs, when they show, who they bring with them, and how they see the world. You can easily place yourself in their shoes. Then, because you can see them, you have earned the right to be an answer.  Be an AnswerApproach the venue and offer your services."For those that believe (insert the "values and beliefs" of the patrons), and value (insert "patron's musical interests"), I provide a service as a (your act here).  By engaging with me, you can expect I'll connect with your customers by performing (add the "type of music" you'll perform), which caters to their interests.  I already know many of your regulars, and I know people like them would appreciate music like this. Would you consider a two-hour set, no cost to you, and if things go well, would you be willing to talk about a regular opportunity?"I know the above is a bit lengthy. You can shorten it and adjust it for your voice. Your goal is to demonstrate empathy with the target audience and show the venue owner that their tribe likes people like you, and therefore, you're safe.  If it doesn't work, don't sweat. It means that the venue may not be for someone like you. If that's the case, move on. Find others like you. Serve them.

My best gigs always involved engaged fans. I love it when an audience has a burning desire to hear and sing along to their favorite songs, even if it's Mustang Sally.  The worst gigs always involve band leaders, and musicians focused more on the clock, their overtime pay, and not repeating songs - especially Mustang Sally. Almost always, the audience becomes upset and disengaged.  Your fans have problems and needs. They see you, and the experience you create, as the answer to these problems. They are not attending to satisfy your need for recognition. They show up because you give them something they crave.  They desperately crave this connection with you, and other fans, that they'll ask for the same songs over, and over, and over again. It's not dull, repetitive, or lacking in ingenuity for them. For them, it's reliving an experience you had once given them. For them, you allow them to feel part of something bigger than themselves.  If that's the case, why do we buck our audiences? Why do we call sets at the time we're supposed to stop when our audiences want more? Why do you tell your fans, "I'm sorry, we played that song earlier, how about this song?" Are you the answer to their needs?   Empathy sets us free. The ability to see another's problems earns us the right to be their answer.  When we can be someone else's answer, we demonstrate care.When we show care, we help build a better world.When we make the world better, others will reward us with their respect, attention, support, and even their money.But first, you must be an answer.  So yes, repeat the song. Play the music that may not artistically fulfill you. Don't play the gig for yourself. Serve others who came to receive from you an answer to their problems. Be their answer.  Repeating is fine.