Brady Helps

I have been on gigs where I felt the other musicians sucked. Not only that, I would allow my feelings towards others to lower my mood. Now, with a terrible attitude, I behaved in a way that belittled those that I felt didn't put in the work. I was a dick. I wouldn't want to work with me. To those that would not want to work with me, I don't blame them.The problem was not others and their performance.  The problem was within me.  There are others like me. In previous roles, I have led those types of individuals. You may be this person. Thousands of people like us, behave this way towards musicians we feel don't put in the work. Thousands of people like us are wrong. We are wrong because we are not putting in the work to see.  You Think Only of Yourself"If I sucked, this is why I would suck if I were this person playing with someone like me."Think about the sentence. Where's the focus?"If I sucked, this is why I would suck if I were this person playing with someone like me."I count four statements that focus on ourselves and not the other. Interestingly enough, when we tend to feel others are hurting us, our brains process information in this way. We do this because it's easy for us to make judgments and decisions if we try to see the world through our lense. What if we switched the statement around?"I notice that Person A performs poorly. Let me ask them what's on their mind, if they're aware, and what I could do to help them."For good measure, I might add the following sentence.    "I notice that Person A performs poorly. Let me ask them what's on their mind, if they're aware, and what I could do to help them.  Then, I'll see their problems and know how to be an answer for them."No One Is Trying to Hurt YouThe other musicians aren't trying to ruin your day. The others are trying to do their best and contribute to the big picture. From you, as their leader/bandmaster/director, they need support and trust. They need the benefit of your doubt. They need you to see their problems and be an answer.  If you are like so many other leaders, consider using the sentence I suggested. Take a step to see a bandmate's problem and invest the time to be an answer. Empathy helps.

But You Don’t Have to BeYou are a cog in the corporate machine. You don't have a voice in what's going on around you.You feel that you're putting so much out there, but no one cares.You're only a cog in the machine.I previously posted on giving yourself some grace, practicing self-empathy. Doing so, you can allow yourself to come alive as an individual. In the same way that you need empathy, so does your employer.The world's increased polarization makes it nearly impossible for us to see another for who they are, as opposed to what they represent. In my youth, I admit, I would see employers and their decisions as a threat to my existence. I would see others promoted, given raises, or exclusive benefits and would think, "my boss has it out for me." I never stopped to imagine what I could improve on, or how I could be more useful. Even if I did stop to think about how I could be more helpful, I wouldn't have the right; I didn't care about my employer.My existence would feel like a fight between myself and someone else. What's worse, I felt my employer was fighting the same battle I was. What's worse, they weren't. A lack of "empathy," or the ability to see another for who they are, kept me from understanding my employer's needs and problems. A lack of "empathy" kept me from being the answer. A lack of "empathy" kept me from being able to serve others. In the end analysis, a lack of "empathy" kept me from getting the things I had seen others receive, and worse, ruined relationships. I am better now. Now, I take the time to understand "what" led to a decision.Now, I accept decisions as they are. Now, I take the time to express care for my boss and their needs.Now, I make myself available to be helpful and useful. Now, I can see their problem.Now, I have the right to be an answer. And,Now, if I sense that someone doesn't need someone like me, I move on. You might be a cog now, but you don't have to be.Choose to care.Choose to see.Choose to serve.

"If anyone talked to you like you talked to you, you wouldn't be their friend." - Shawn Wells as heard on John Tesh's Intelligence for Your Life podcast.

I am a victim of negative self-talk.  

In the past, I've spoken to myself in ways that I would never talk to my worst enemy. I've psychologically punished myself for small mistakes such as missing a note, being late, asking a question, and even how I've introduced myself to others. In the end, I struggled to see myself as a valuable and meaningful human being capable of doing something that mattered. I engaged in self-pity. I was not empathetic with myself and stunted my growth.  

To be empathetic is to be able to put yourself in someone else's shoes. To be able to see and accept their present - their truth. To not try and solve the problems of another, but be able to say, "Yes, I see how this could be a difficult time for you. Thanks for letting me know. I'm here for you."   

I still suffer from negative self-talk. Who doesn't? But, I've made changes to how I listen to myself.  

• I get outdoors, meditate, read, and do all I can to be present with myself. Doing this allows me to see my world for what it is, and not what I think it "should" be.
• I am self-accountable. The impact others have on my life is nothing more than something "I" need to resolve within myself, not something that "someone else" needs to fix.
• I gift myself with grace. I thank myself, and the world, for the opportunity to be present and grow.

Grace is, among many things, your ability to show appreciation and acceptance for another and yourself. It is a word for being empathetic and thankful. It's challenging to have gratitude for something you can't see. Being empathetic enables your ability to see to present. Grace is your ability to be thankful for it.    

The difficulty in being thankful for mistakes, tragedy, heartbreak, and crushed dreams can't be measured. But, it becomes less so when you can learn to see what happened, how it impacted you, and how you can grow from the experience.   

The power of being able to see, and being thankful for that ability, plays out in a simple sentence I say to myself when things go wrong now:  

"Things didn't go the way I hoped.  I'm thankful. I'm thankful because I can grow and do better next time."

Grant Yourself Some Grace. See and accept your truth. Be thankful to grow.

"He who begins to be your friend because it pays will also cease because it pays." - SenecaI'm going to start writing soon on empathy and how it plays out in our relationships. Seneca's quote felt like the best way to start, simple and singular.

A message is only compelling if it sticks, like the hook of a song. It needs to resonate deep within your audience's hearts and minds. Your message needs to be so simple, so easy to understand, that people - your connectors, easily walk around talking about it.  How do you create something that sticks?When I started in my last role, I realized that we had a problem - our team did not engage in their work. Musical performances lacked soul, energy, and passion. We were painting by numbers and not coloring outside the lines. We needed a change, a new culture, we needed something that would bring people together. We needed - a mission.  "Connecting with people by creating engaging musical experiences so that they end their day happier and more fulfilled." - Music Department's mission statement.We had one singular focus - to connect with another human through engaging music.  We had one singular aim - to help them end their day happier and more fulfilled.  Mission statements feel good when you first hear or read them. But to give them efficacy, they need to be felt throughout the organization. From the point that we adopted the mission statement, everything changed.  We changed our leadership approach to be servant-leaders.  We acknowledged that the front line team member was the most important person within the organization.  We ensured every decision we took aligned with our focus and our aim. No longer words on a page, our mission statement became our culture.  To create a culture that lasts several years, and hopefully, through to this day, took more than several smart people sitting in a room. It involved our ability to tell our own stories, share the story of our team, and share what we hope to achieve and how we intend to do it. Then, we could share our mission with those that could connect with the others. When I left, I can honestly say that our department's culture reflected the values we set out to achieve. It stuck.  What made it stick? Simple intention.Simple hope.Action.Inspiration for this article came from Malcom Gladwell and his book "The Tipping Point."

How big is your network?   Could it be bigger? Do you have enough followers? Are you an influencer?

Knowing the answer to the above questions would be crucial if exclusively relied on mass to get your message out.  

Mass is only essential if you have a message that serves the needs of those you seek to serve. Remember my post, Know the Question? You need to know the questions of those you serve before you can be their answer. But once you're their answer, how do you get the word out?  

Find others like you. But not just any "others," find the ones that love to move around and sharing what they know with others. Try not to find those that huckster themselves as "connectors." They're not worth the time and effort. Find people that want to share with others because they want to help people. They are not out to profit. They are out to support you because they believe supporting one another is a goodly thing to do.  

Some attributes of connectors:

• They have vast social networks developed over time.
• They demonstrate a genuine interest in you, your beliefs, and the change you're looking to make.
• They can see all the ways who and what you are can help others. They are selfless in thought.
• They do not ask for anything in return for their access.
• They want to help.

Find these people, speak with them, share your story, share their story, and share what you're trying to do now. Then, ask for their help. They are your connectors to the others.  

Inspiration for this article came from Malcolm Gladwell and his book "The Tipping Point."

"When we come to a city, we're not coming to play, we're coming to be invited back." - Garth Brooks.Garth Brooks knows his fans. He knows their needs and how to involve them in his experience. He's one of the few artists to sell tickets at a uniformed price. Garth gets it. What are you doing to be invited back? Are you nourishing your tribe with an experience that suits their needs? Are you showing the venue that you care about their business and their needs? Are you serving others more than yourself? When you show up to play a gig, don't show up to play, show up to be invited back.

Wow. What a great movie.  

Yes, I love it for the story, the character development, the cinematic experience, but I love it for another reason.

Watching "The Joker" is like watching a "how-to" for creating ideas that stick and starting epidemics.  

Warning: there may be spoilers, though, I'll try to avoid them.  

Share Your Story

Arthur, the individual that later becomes "The Joker", is a seemingly below-average person. An underwhelming individual beat down by society. Through a twist of fate, he starts to find the meaning in his life.

Arthur begins to embody something bigger than himself. A symbol. During the movie, you'll watch him share his story of how he came to be; you'll also see how others like him draw themselves in.  

Shares Our Story

Not only does he share how he came to be a symbol, he, almost, empathizes with others like him. The others he seeks to serve.

He goes into talking about the things that get him down, what he's fed up with, how life has mistreated him, and others like him can relate. They can say, "People like us experience things like the Joker, the Joker is like us, and therefore he leads our tribe."  

Shares the Story of Now

You've had to have seen previews of the chaos that erupts towards the end of the film. You can guess that the Joker uses his symbol, his stories, and his actions to incite others to act. And better, he uses a symbol that sticks in the hearts and minds of others like him - a clown face.

Long after Joke leaves this fictional existence, others will pick up where he left off because of what he stood for, not for who he was.  

Create an Epidemic

If you want to create an epidemic, generously share your stories, and serve others. Give your tribe something bigger than themselves to believe. And whatever you do, make sure your message is simple enough to stick!

If people can't remember it, they can't carry the word to others like them.  

Be Generous.

Share with Others.

Create an epidemic.

"Mr. Holland's Opus" inspired me to want to teach music. I've desired to be a teacher, a band instructor, for the longest time. I'm not a band instructor. But I do teach.  My vocation is to be a lifelong learner and teacher.  To be able to solve problems, help people see their fullest potential, to help people find meaning in their life requires me to be a learner. Every day, I read books and listen to podcasts to support my education. I do this, because learning is a spiritual, high, and dare I say - religious, calling. No one asked me to be a learner. I am this way because life shaped me this way. It's part of who I am. Equal to being a learner, I consider myself a teacher.I'm not a teacher, or instructor, in the classroom sense; that ship sailed (no pun intended). I am a teacher in that I am a man for others. I use my gifts, knowledge, and talents to serve others in need. My resolve to share what I've learned could be a result of my faith, the all-boys Catholic high school I attended taught us to be "men for others," it could also be that everyone in my life that meant something, freely and generously gave of themselves to me. I've seen the benefits in this way of being. I want to be that way for another person.  This entry is the last in a series of three regarding jobs, careers, and vocations. I used to have a career. I enjoyed it. It changed, and now I have a job. But in having a job, I'm able to participate in something much bigger than myself - my vocation. I am finding fulfillment in my life as it is now.  For you, determine where you are in life. When it's time to leave this life, you won't be thinking about the jobs you held or the career you made. Instead, you might be thinking of how you've changed the lives of others for the better. That's your vocation.  Find something that makes you come alive and do it!  Inspiration for this article came from a video by Elizabeth Gilbert. The video is part of a series produced by Plus Acumen. You can easily access the course here: http://bit.ly/Livewithoutfear.

Right now, I have a job (that I enjoy) recruiting the future employees of a call center for a travel company. My job does not ignite all the passions living within me, and that's okay!   Before this job, I had a career that turned into a job. I am passionate about servant-based and empathetic leadership, leading for creativity, and building teams that do great things with laser focus. That's the career I want to make for myself. My previous employer needed me to do a job. When what you think is your "career" is, in fact, a job, it's time to re-evaluate.  A job that you’re passionate about, willing to sacrifice everything for, and helps you build your "something bigger" is a career.  No one gives you a career. No one says and can indeed mean, "start your career with us." Only you can make your career.  In previous posts I've written about the importance of stories, the legacy you want to carry forward, and the change you seek to make. Consider reading these entries. The process of identifying who you are and who you can become, your career, starts with you and your self-reflection.  When an agent tells you that they can help build your career - they can't. Only you can make your career.When a job does not align with your passions and your "something bigger," it's no longer your career. It's a job. When your career no longer fulfills you - stop, leave, and get a job.  When you feel the work given to you aligns with your innermost passions, you've found a career.  No one gave you to freedom to make or start your career. You gave yourself that freedom. People give you the privilege of being paid for what you do. Employers want passionate and engaged people. Employers want to:Believe you are someone like them who does the work they need.See you showing up each day ready to serve the others.Believe what you believe.As for me, I am happy to have a job. Outside of my work, I spend each day learning, writing and reading and I'll continue to do that long after anybody cares to read what I have to say, because, I'm living my vocation. Stay tuned.Inspiration for this article came from a video by Elizabeth Gilbert. The video is part of a series produced by Plus Acumen. You can easily access the course here: http://bit.ly/Livewithoutfear.