Brady Helps

“Plans are made. Plans come apart. New delights or tragedies pop up in their place. And nothing human or divine will map out this life, this life has been more pain than I could have imagined. More beautiful than I could have imagined. My well-laid plans are no longer my foundation. I can only hope that my dreams, my actions, my hopes are leaving a trail for Zach and Toban so whichever way the path turns, all they find is Love.” - “Everything Happens for a Reason” , Kate Bowler.If you read the book, you’ll read the story of a woman who planned her plans. She needed to feel a tremendous sense of security, of control. You get to experience her wrestle with that addiction; and you get to see capitulate to the overwhelming force of fate. The end of the book brought it all together for me - it’s not about plans, life never goes according to plan. It’s about what you do in this moment for the benefit of others.

I read quite a bit. I don’t read for speed or for quantity - I read for comprehension. This book, Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I’ve Loved, is the rare book that compelled me to nearly finish it in one sitting.

The story of the author’s journey with Stage IV colon cancer, a 33% chance of living, and all this after just giving birth to a child.

“I used to think that grief was about looking backward, old men saddled with regrets or young ones ponder should-haves. I see now that it about eyes squinting through tears into an unbearable future. The world cannot be remade by the sheer force of love. A brutal world demands capitulation to what seems impossible - surrender.” - “Everything Happens for a Reason”, Kate Bowler

That passage stunned me. Even when life turns its face and shows us its most brutal nature, our and only strategy is to accept life with open arms - advance towards it. Allow the impediment to action advance our action.

Throughout the book you’ll see Kate battle the heart’s desire to obsess and control against her mind’s Stoic (with a capital “S”) resolve to accept fate and face death as a friend.

I don’t usually write about books. This one, this one is worth it.

Iatrogenesis: brought forth by a healer.When this term was used, back in Greek antiquity, the term could have meant a good or bad effect brought forth by a healer. In our time, the term refers to negative consequences (illness or death) brought forth by a medical treatment. Why does this matter?We humans create innovations to heal our problems. The fermenting of grains into a beverage was originally an innovation to preserve grains and extract their minerals at a time when people risked malnutrition. Social media was meant for students across college campuses to interact with each other.Phones were a way to communicate in relative real time across long distances.The news communicated happenings and not (as much) opinion.Some believe even organized religion was a cultural innovation to increase cooperation.The list goes on.Our species’ effects at bringing forth cultural innovations to solve important problems, in some cases, has had the second and third order effect of creating vices and addictions. I’m sure you know people who need to watch the 24/7 cable news cycle - it’s like a compulsion. The one external force that can control us ends up being the thing that we create. … until the aliens come.

As I was falling asleep yesterday I was thinking about the “last words you write”. I woke up this morning thinking, “what are the first words I’ll say?”The first words are like first principles - they are the foundation of your mindset. Do you wake up in a bad mood? No. You wake up - hormones are released, your eyes open, and your body comes on line. That’s what happens, and that’s the moment. The moment where you get to decide:Look at the phone,Look out the window,Stretch,Pick up a book,Look at a loved one,Realize that you didn’t die and that you get another at bat; orThink that there’s got to be something more to this.Your first actions might be one of those bullet points, or maybe they are something different. What you decide to start with matters.

It’s nearly midnight, and I just typed my last word that I need for a project at work. I’m not exhausted, but in my head I keep saying to myself, “just one more word.” What will be the next word?My next and final written words for this day are for you. They are words that try to describe a concept that I have been thinking about all this year… observe -> decide -> act -> reflect. You probably realize this already, but I came to better realize the other day that decisions are the tension that creates action; they’re the fuel. Without a decision, there is no conscious action.The genesis of every win and fail is a decision. I decided my last words today are for you - because I decided that before I sleep, I should do one more thing that mattered.

Laugh.Laugh loud, laugh wildly, and laugh with all you have. Living is a comedy and a beautiful one at that.I spent some time working on a project and found out at the 11th hour that I miscalculated one thing. Ever had that moment? Who hasn’t. Instead of getting sighing and getting upset, I chose to laugh and it felt good.And here’s the thing with a laugh - it’s contagious and it’s positive. My boss and I were able to happily find a solution, because why shouldn’t life be fun?

There is no time to waste and wait. There is no time to sulk, pout, and to crawl into your hole.There is no time to avoid the things you want to avoid.There is no time to leave things open.When I’m confronted with death - loved ones, friends, or even people losing something special like a house - I’m reminded that our time is limited - it’s finite. What we do with the time we have matters.

As you ride a rollercoaster up, you will get to a point where you will stall and hang out a bit. Then, the fall.That terrifying fall that seems to bring your stomach to your throat, causes you to wonder if you’ll make it out of the ride alive, and leaves you in shock. That fall that, for some - not for me, makes you come alive. There are moments where life feels like that “stall”; where we wonder what will come next. Your job is to not to linger too long in that moment, but plunge into the fall. There is no time to wait.

This is not a vaccine post.But it’s about vaccines.One of the best ways to prepare body to fight disease is through a vaccine - inoculation. One of the best ways to prepare your mind for hardship is by rehearsing the pain in advance. Let’s say you’re in an industry that’s hit by an economic downturn - there’s a world where you might lose your job. How will you navigate that? What can you control that will help you feel safe? What behaviors can you change now so that if that time comes you can respond with equanimity? How about being the manager of a team that’s about to undergo a major change - how might you inoculate your team against the change? What facts can you share? What FAQs can you anticipate and share with the team? How can you demonstrate that you care and that you are being truthful?Inoculate yourself - get the metaphorical shots you need now so that you can be ready when things take a turn for the worse - and they always do. That’s life.

A risk is a threat to destabilize your existence, the way things are now.

As earlier mentioned, you have several reasons why you are not coming alive at this moment; your life doesn't allow for it.

A gift is an act that fulfills a need.

To give a gift is to disrupt one's life to show them something better. To receive a gift requires the recipient to allow themselves to be vulnerable enough to have their being "disrupted" for something better.

As an artist, you give gifts to your audience.

You let them know they're not alone, you offer a new way to think, you highlight the hardships or successes of others, and you help us become alive through your work. Your gift requires us to destabilize our lives for a moment and allow your work to come in and show us something better.

"Never lose sight of what you do, how you do it, and how it impacts people."

Wrote that 4 years ago. I still believe it today.

"No true gift is free of risk." - Ida Benedetto