Economists like to use the prompt — solve for the equilibrium. Oversimplified, the phrase challenges the responder to find the point where everyone’s interests are met.
A memorial service is a kind of market. Dad had an explicit wish for one thing. Others would like to see something else. No one participant in this market is right, and no one is wrong — there are just different interests to consider. The goal of the market maker, the siblings, is to find a way to meet everyone’s interests with the least amount of waste (hurt feelings, anger, resentment, lifelong grudges, and wrecked families).
I get paid to do that kind of work every day. Sellers have different demands and needs than buyers and I try to find a way for both parties to meet at the equilibrium point. When that happens, business happens. However, a memorial service is not a business transaction, though it feels like one.
When a person wants to buy a thing, they are investing money into a thing they believe will solve a problem they think they have. The classic marketing school example is that of a hammer — a person buys a hammer to make a hole in the wall. I argue a person buys a hammer because they have pride — presumably they want to hang something on the wall they’re proud of. A salesperson isn’t selling a hammer, they’re selling pride. A memorial service is similar.
Some people who want to attend a service have decades of history with my Dad. For them, a 45-minute service represents decades of a life with someone. It’s a chance for that person to get closure on that life. For some people, the 45-minute service represents the almost 79-years of my Dad’s life. A hammer is not just for a hole, and a service is not just for readings and music.
The challenge for the market maker here is that everyone’s perception of what constitutes value from a service is different. For some its readings and music rendered by offspring. For some, it’s immediate family. For some still, it’s a few words. Religious and societal cultural traditions are also production input factors.
Personally, I see playing or reading at my Dad’s funeral as a net negative. I can’t imagine anything more horrifying for me than doing that. A priest can do readings and we can always play recordings, or hire someone. But contrastingly, someone might see my participation as value.
Like every economic decision there are tradeoffs. My siblings and I will make decisions that will appear some aspects of the market, and disappoint others. Equilibrium doesn’t mean that all needs are met, it just means the market has reached a balance between the quantity of a thing supplied at the current price and the quantity of the thing demanded at the current price.