I think about my breakdown earlier this year. And, doing my post mortem, I realize that I put too much pressure on myself. You might do this too —
— too much pressure to get things right the first time, to succeed the way I think I should succeed, to be in a place I think I should be, to do the things I think I should do, to respond the way I think I should respond, to activate the potential I think I should activate.
I came to realize that the best thing I can do is lean into should. Comedians, like Conan, do this all the time, and I see this as a strong strategy. Here’s an example:
Person: David, you’re going bald.
Me: Oh, my gosh, I know. I’ve started using the reflection of the sun off my scalp as solar power.
I know I’m going bald, and no, I know I’m not using my scalp as solar power. However, I’m leaning into the discomfort of baldness by making that discomfort my friend — using it to bring a smile. Another example:
Me to myself: I should be able to know these numbers and rattle off the report.
Also me to myself: Oh my gosh I know, I should also be able to pick the trillion dollar winning power ball too…
I’m responding to a “should” with an “absurd should.” And the absurd should defangs the toxic should.
Generally speaking, I have a decent self-esteem. I know who I am, what I’m good at, what I’m not good at, and I’m self-aware of myself most times. I know I’ll be okay. I know all I have is now. I feel pretty good about myself. And because of that, I believe there is room to not taking myself so seriously.
I’m reminded of the Joker’s comment from Batman — “Why so serious?”
Perhaps the takeaway is — when you present yourself with a toxic should consider asking yourself the question why so serious? and give yourself the gift of an absurd should.